


Undisclosed Cryonics

by vvheelthewriter



Category: Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: Age Difference, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:45:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 76,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvheelthewriter/pseuds/vvheelthewriter
Summary: 2289, two years since it was destroyed by the Brotherhood of Steel, remnants of the Institute still litter the Commonwealth, much to Arthur Maxson's chagrin. The devastating potential of cryogenic experimentation goes largely ignored outside the inner circle of the Sole Survivor until, seven years after disappearing without a trace, the Lone Wanderer emerges from an abandoned facility with her lost patrol during a record-breaking radstorm.





	1. The Distress Signal

The audio files sitting in the Brotherhood of Steel's encrypted system were the last known evidence of the Lone Wanderer's whereabouts. Initially, they were listened to at a near constant, studied for any possibility of a location, a date, _anything_. Past the daily logs made by Davies in a tired voice, a five minute clip of hushed voices and gunfire made it through the system. However advanced the Brotherhood’s technology was, there was no way to find out where the audio came from without a distress pulser. Sarah Lyons, Elder of the Eastern Chapter at the time of the disappearance, had made the official conclusion that they were dead  with nothing but a teary glance in Rachel Ingram’s direction.

The year was 2280 in the Capital Wasteland when Shiloh Carver, reluctant hero, headed north with a young scribe and two knights. The Brotherhood had just celebrated three years of Project Purity. Sarah had been frustrated with Shiloh at the time, as the younger woman had been slowly easing her way out of the Brotherhood's focus since being promoted to Paladin. She had all but begged Sarah to refrain from promoting her to Sentinel. Sarah wanted her to fully embrace the Brotherhood, but the Lone Wanderer held reservations she wasn’t willing to disclose.

Maxson remembered overhearing that fight between the two, the Citadel's old walls doing nothing to disguise their raised voices. He had beelined for Sarah’s office after training, but was stopped by the choice words that flew between the two. For two women who prided themselves on being cold and calculating, they grated on each other heavily. Maxson wondered how their friendship had lasted.

Just thirteen at the time and consumed in both combat missions and his own teenage self-consciousness at the fresh scar on his face, Maxson hadn’t paid attention to the rapidly decaying relationship between the Brotherhood and the Lone Wanderer. He supposed that he should have had some interest, being a newly minted Paladin of the Eastern Brotherhood, but he couldn’t find it within him to be distracted by personal squabbles.

After a few minutes of silence that left even Maxson uncomfortable, the door to Sarah's office slammed open so hard its hinges creaked in weariness. Shiloh strode past him, too consumed in her thoughts to acknowledge his stare. He tried not to be offended at her dismissal of him, but the warring hormones inside him and the tension in the air had him sneering at her, "Watch yourself. When I'm Elder you won't get away with speaking that way to me."

He didn't expect her to look startled when she stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "Arthur, look-"

He cut her off immediately, "Maxson." Whatever friendship they'd had had soured since the deathclaw incident.

She didn't even argue his correction. "I'm sorry you heard that. I'm sorry anyone heard that." She did look regretful, despite the biting nature of her tone. "I've got to go. I’m taking soldiers with me, Sarah’s made me promise that much.” She faltered, a flight reaction in her eyes as she glanced towards the exit. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. You don’t care.” It was spoken as a statement. One Maxson couldn’t argue with because he’d rather be fighting something than watch these two argue technicalities.

He didn’t know that would be the last time he’d ever see her. Of course he didn’t. But her last words had plagued him more than he’d ever admit. _Just a boy_ , Maxson thought to himself years later, _I was just an angry, stupid boy_.

Then things took an immediate turn for the worst. After a week with no logs or communication made between the Citadel and the small group, Sarah began to worry. Knight Davies was devoted to protocol and wouldn’t have missed a log as long as his power armor was still running. Even if there had been some malfunction, Scribe Anderson and Knight Ripson both carried communicators and distress pulsers. No, something must have happened to the whole team. Whatever happened, happened very quickly.

By a month's passing, two search parties were sent out. Sarah was fretfully at Senior Scribe Quinlan's side as he studied the group's daily logs and that infamous sound bit. He had a whole team on site trying to break down the individual voices and noises from the clip, but the audio file was heavily damaged. Quinlan suspected that something had been trying to interfere its reach to the Brotherhood.

Quinlan’s suspicions only fueled Sarah’s worry. Despite being the strongest person Maxson had ever known, she was consumed by the disappearance until she had to make the decision to call off the search parties. It had not been something lightly, as Maxson would later read in her Elder logs. She called it the hardest day of her life, behind the quiet death of her father. He attempted not to dwell on the concerned words she’d written about him in her logs as well.

During the ordeal, Maxson would have called himself indifferent. Only, that was a teenage boy’s lie. He was training a lot harder, with ferocity not seen before by Danse or the other Knights he’d been in charge of during missions. After witnessing him beat a super mutant to death with his power armored hands, a perceptive initiate made the wrong decision to ask him if his frustration had to do with the disappearances. He'd immediately regretted questioning about it when Danse had to physically shield the young man from Maxson’s rage.

In hindsight, he wished he had talked to Sarah more about it. Despite being fifteen years apart, they had a special bond that came with the circumstances surrounding their positions in the Brotherhood. She still mentored him and had included him in her plans to promote him to Sentinel soon. They still had something of a friendship, but Maxson’s age and inexperience caused a rift between them that neither knew what to do with. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to be saddled with some petulant teenage boy who you knew would take your place someday. Only, Sarah’s logs showed that she knew him better than that. She had been worried about him since the deathclaw attack, knowing full well something had changed in him. Killing those raiders at eleven years old had been a fluke, a complete stroke of luck that young Maxson barely acknowledged to be anything significant. The deathclaw...that was different. And Sarah knew because of course she did. But before he had even entertained the idea of talking to Sarah about Shiloh’s disappearance and how it had affected him too, Sarah was dead. Enraged, he had stormed a path in the Capital Wasteland that ended with The Shepard, the super mutant that killed her, in pieces. Knight Danse made no attempt to stop him this time. Almost immediately, he was promoted to Elder unanimously by the council.

Everything had happened so fast in the year 2280. It wasn’t until years later that, after some haughty, agonizing social gathering in his honor that he found himself alone and mourning in his new quarters. All night he’d been desperate to get away from the older elite group of officers and their wives that the senior scribes tried to parade him in front of. He was barely fifteen years old, the youngest and most celebrated Elder in recent memory, but he missed Sarah. Whatever reservations he had prevented him from openly missing Shiloh.

If the deathclaw incident had changed him on the outside, the deaths of the two people he had been closest to as a child changed him on the inside. Sarah was his closest and most cherished friend. Shiloh had been his hero, a selfless individual who went on grand adventures and came back to him with amazing stories. That was, until they drifted apart.

He wasn't afraid of battle and knew only his position as Elder prevented him from being on the field more. After Sarah, the Western Elders warned him against directly participating in combat unless the Brotherhood’s home base was in jeopardy. They weren't very understanding of his participation in the destruction of the Institute, but he assured them that it was important that he was there with his soldiers. Maxson would only admit to himself that a lot of his tenacity to be there came from the satisfaction he would have at personally destroying those Institute bastards and their abominations. He would let himself indulge in the glory of a victory despite regulations.

-0-

Maxson stood on the command deck of the Prydwen, a scowl on his face at how the airship creaked during the harsh radstorm winds. The large observation window was completely clouded in green. Sparks of yellow flashed within it as lightning bounced off of irradiated water molecules. Two knights and a paladin had already expressed worries about the airship's ability to withstand the storm. He had dismissed them with a dare to express their worries directly to Proctor Ingram, who’d tell them exactly where to shove them.

The radstorm had made things worse, but his mood was primarily darkened due to reading a manual Proctor Quinlan had presented to him earlier. It seems that some character in the Capital Wasteland had written a survival manual, dedicating much of it to her source, the Lone Wanderer. He scoffed at the notion that she'd referred to the Lone Wanderer as a 'him'. Sarah would have been livid if she'd lived to stumble upon it.

This was not the day to cloud his thoughts with the past, and he'd told Quinlan as much. Lancer-Captain Kells, one of the few who had full permission to speak freely with him, jested that he couldn't glare the storm away. He'd raised an eyebrow at that, taken off-guard by Kells breaking his usual stoic nature. Kells had merely replied that he thrived in high-tension situations. That wasn't much of an answer to Maxson, but he was too distracted by a developing migraine to really care about why his second-in-command was in such high spirits. He'd planned to leave the Commonwealth within the coming weeks, but the radiation damage to the airship could possibly prevent any long-distance journeys until Ingram deemed it safe. His need to leave the region was bordering on desperation; the Brotherhood needed to distance itself from Nora James and her choice of companions.

Despite her promotion to Sentinel, she was essentially ex-Brotherhood after destroying the Institute. If the Western Elders had their way, that wouldn't have been a possibility for her.

Then again, sparing the synth was also something that would not have been possible.

 _No_. Arthur would not think about that. He would not entertain the idea that that _thing_ was anything but destroyed.

The official report was that it'd been his own hand, something Sentinel James had been relieved to find out. Despite the position he had put her in, he spared her the reputation of being her commanding officer’s killer. He knew she remembered his first words to her. _I care about them, you know._ So long as she was his Sentinel, he’d meant for those words to include her. Without much fanfare, she took a backseat to Brotherhood operations, leaving the spotlight to settle in one of her communities as General of the Minutemen. A quiet life. Despite the pressure on him, he couldn’t find himself to envy that.

He was broken from his thoughts by a presence in the command deck. Turning to see Proctor Ingram confused him, as he had yet to call for her to ask about the radiation damage to the airship. Thoughts of rusted hulls and irradiated air vents ceased when he saw the struck look on her face. He hadn’t seen her look like that since Sarah died.

“Sir,” her usually confident voice was laced in trepidation, “we’ve found a distress signal.”

Her words were vague, but he saw the look in her eyes and _he knew_. Arthur stared back at her, the sounds of the radstorm consuming the silence.

-0-

The first thing she heard was her father’s voice. _I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life, freely._ The second thing she heard was thunder.

Suddenly, as if plunged into ice cold water, she let out a gasping cry. Instinct kicked in and despite her blurry vision, she kicked and clawed at the glass in front of her until it released with a hiss. The floor was freezing to her touch as she crawled along the white tiles. Thunder roared outside, but outside sounded far away. She knew she had to stop.

Fighting her flight instincts, Shiloh forced herself to stop stumbling around. She sat against a wall in silence until her breathing slowed and her vision cleared. Only, she immediately recoiled at what she saw. Slumped over in strange, human-sized pods were the three Brotherhood members she’d been traveling with until....she didn’t know. Until something placed them there.

Not dwelling on the how or why, she swiftly found her footing and grabbed onto the glass doors of each of the pods. The dim, emergency lighting made her grip more difficult. She hadn’t realized the doors were soundproof until Scribe Anderson began screaming.

“Stop! Stop- shh,” Shiloh’s voice felt rough with disuse, “be quiet or someone’s going to hear.” The fear of their kidnappers must have overwhelmed the fear of the freezing pods, because Scribe Anderson immediately quieted. She trembled against the wall.

Knight Ripson was violently coughing as he lay in a heap on the floor. His lips were blue and Shiloh couldn’t do much to move his heavy weight. As for Knight Davies...she was certain he was dead. He looked to be sleeping, but a closer inspection revealed the bullet holes riddling his chest. Absently, Shiloh wondered if he’d always looked so much smaller outside his power armor.

Scribe Anderson protested, scrambling for the door to Davies’s pod, but Shiloh managed to hold her off with a harsh whisper, “We will come back for him. But we have to go...we have to…” she trailed off, completely out of her element. They were all dressed in the Brotherhood fatigues they had been traveling in, though Davies’s power armor was still nowhere to be seen.

With another violent cough, Knight Ripson began gingerly rolling over to sit up. He waved off Shiloh’s attempts to help him up and she saw a strange calmness in his eyes. Of course, she knew the type of soldier Ripson was, who thrived in battle and stayed calm, but she’d never seen these appraisals so close before.

“We need to leave. Davies is dead,” Ripson barely cast a glance at the frozen corpse in the pod, “we need to leave and contact the Brotherhood.” Shiloh sighed in relief. Ranking aside, she wasn't the leader in this bizarre situation.

-0-

The facility they were housed in reminded her of the abandoned vaults she’d seen. In its heyday, it would have been some sterile lab, but now it was only dust and grime lit up by emergency lighting. The windows and holes in the walls only showed evidence of a heavy radstorm outside.

They rummaged through every crate and drawer they could find by the light on Shiloh’s pip-boy. Anderson managed to gather some mismatched ammo and Ripson found an old .10mm pistol. The supplies they’d been carrying were nowhere to be found. All that remained were the clothes they were wearing and the pip-boy that, _wisely_ , nobody tried to pry off.

Whoever had been there was long gone by the time the radstorm damaged the power grid. Knight Ripson led the charge with Shiloh and Scribe Anderson close behind. All three were shivering despite the heat inside the old building. Ripson’s lips were still blue and he continued coughing through his observations. The look on his face kept Shiloh from demanding they stop and rest. She didn’t feel right pulling a rank she hadn’t wanted in the first place.

Looking out one of the lab’s windows, none of the three survivors recognized the territory outside. For all they knew, they could have been on the west coast. Anderson found an old emergency exit map in a dusty drawer on the fourth floor and the group followed it down. Suddenly they stopped at Ripson’s insistence outside a room marked as storage.

Anderson had protested, but Ripson had largely ignored her and broke down the flimsy wooden door. Shiloh wondered why a lab’s storage room would have such loose security before she was nearly shot down by an appearing turret. Using the .10mm, Ripson quickly dispatched it and the three others in the room. He was actively looking around for something. Anderson stood in the doorway trembling while Shiloh picked through boxes of what looked like illegible paperwork. Suddenly Ripson yanked out a trunk from beneath a pile of old tarps and broke the lock with the butt of his pistol. He opened it to reveal a pile of electronics, including random wiring, a piece of power armor and...a distress pulser. It looked old and weary, but Ripson managed to turn it on after playing with the wiring in the back of it.

“How did you know that was there?” Shiloh asked despite her happiness at the thought of Brotherhood soldiers helping them escape this place. Ripson ignored her as well, not really giving either of the questioning women any acknowledgement.

“We need to stay here until they arrive, who knows how long this old thing’s going to last.” He used the world _old_ tentatively, as if unsure whether his observation was correct.

Between the weariness in her bones, the chills from the cold, and the irradiated air they were breathing, Shiloh found all the arguments leaving her. Despite leaving the vault at nineteen, she was still more susceptible to radiation poisoning than most wastelanders. She hadn’t felt this tired since the purifier.

-0-

It was fifteen hours before the Brotherhood found them. Half of that time was waiting out the radstorm. It still stained the sky green, but the lightning had diminished.

Shiloh felt heavy and cold in the soldier’s arms. The geiger counter on his power armor had slowed to a more comfortable staccato. He glanced down at her through a mask she knew wasn't T-45. Her tongue felt swollen and the air tasted bitter, but she couldn’t gather the energy to wake up fully. She tried to speak, but the soldier holding her asked her to save her strength as they boarded the vertibird.

She couldn’t see the others and turning her head was more difficult than it had ever been before. The soldier must have seen her widened eyes, because he spoke calmly again through the metallic voice box in his power armor. “I need you to relax. The others are safe.” When the vertibird took off, he removed his helmet and shut the doors to prevent any harsh winds. She didn’t recognize the man beneath the mask. “My name is Knight Rhys, Paladin. You’re in the Commonwealth. Any further questions you can ask when you get your strength back on the Prydwen.”

“Prydwen? What’s the Prydwen?” She mumbled, noting the alarmed look on Rhys’s face before everything faded to black again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maxson remembers the Lone Wanderer. The facility Shiloh wakes up in is purposely vague. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	2. Waking on a Flying Fortress

The thunder she woke to was different this time. Thunder perhaps wasn’t the right word. It was more of a rumbling, like she was sleeping on top of a generator. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so comfortably. Squinting her eyes, Shiloh peered at the soft pillow and mattress beneath her. Even a thick blanket covered her lower half. She must be with the Brotherhood because the blanket didn’t have any holes or questionable stains. Uniform to a detriment, the Brotherhood never would have allowed a scrap of fabric out of place. Frowning at Danse’s voice in her head, Shiloh attempted to sit up. She was stopped by a heavy set of cuffs keeping her chained to the bed by her right arm.

Panic raced up her spine and she immediately began tugging at the offending metal. _No, no, no, no, shit shit shit._ There was no way, after everything, after surviving severe radiation poisoning for the upteenth time, that she would allow herself to go out in some psychopath’s settlement. Of all the hellish ways to go in the wasteland, this was high on her list. When the metal proved that it wouldn’t budge, she quickly switched tactics. She grabbed the small nightstand by her bedside and, with a lot of maneuvering, she broke off one of its thick wooden legs. What was left was some poor scrap of a weapon, but it was something. And it wasn’t the first time she’d killed someone with what was essentially a stick.

Now she just had to wait. This was always the most difficult part. She was known for running straight into the super mutant’s den. Sometimes literally. Waiting was not her strong suit. Luckily it was within the hour that she heard footsteps by her door. Whoever was on the other side let out a startled yelp when she threw the remnants of the nightstand at the door with a loud crash.

“What the fuck was that?” came a voice that sounded far younger than she’d expected.

“Let’s get Knight-Captain Cade,” the other voice replied. And off they went. Shiloh slumped her shoulders in relief, still clinging to her stick weapon. She knew Cade and she knew his position in the Brotherhood. Certainly he would have a good explanation as to why she was chained up like a prisoner.

It must have been another half an hour that passed before the footsteps came back. Shiloh sat sideways on the bed pressed against the wall now. There were no windows in her room, so she settled for this position. Eyes on the door and her stick in her lap.

When Cade opened the door, she began to speak when her voice caught in her throat. His position really must have worn on him. His hair was close-shaved and graying now, something she hadn’t noticed last she saw him a few months ago. “Knight-Captain.” She gestured to the cuff around her slightly bruised wrist, “Why am I chained up?”

To his credit, Cade did look sheepish. “My apologies, Paladin. It was for your own safety. We weren’t sure the symptoms you would have until you woke.”

“They kept me in a fridge. I doubt there’s really much to go on by the way of symptoms. Wanna release me?” she shook her chained wrist for effect.

Again, Cade looked uncomfortable. “Paladin Carver, we need to talk about your time in that facility.”

“I know you have to debrief me, but I really don’t know how I got there.” she dismissed him, waiting for the key.

Something in him changed and he quietly shut the door behind him. Grabbing chair by the desk, he sat down by her bedside. “This isn’t a briefing. We gathered as much from talking to Scribe Anderson and Knight Ripson.” He had a clipboard in his hands, she noticed. His knuckles were white from gripping it so tightly. “I need to ask you a question that you will find strange, but it’s critical that you answer it honestly.”

She knew the type of man Cade was. More scribe than soldier. The clench in his jaw and that white-knuckled grip on the clipboard kept her from demanding for the key. Whatever questions he had must be very difficult to ask. With her pulse racing like a stingwing, she nodded. “What questions?”

He sat back in his chair. “Do you know where you are?”

She glanced around at the metallic room. “The soldier who rescued me told me it’s a Prydwen.”

“That’s correct, it’s _the_ Prydwen. Have you ever heard of the Prydwen before?”

She cleared her throat. “No, but I doubt Sarah would have told anyone outside of her strange inner circle of advisors if she was building a big metal tank.”

“The Prydwen is an airship,” Cade turned to put the clipboard away, “and Sarah Lyons may have helped with the efforts, but it wasn't built for her.”

“Okay, so we’re on a flying metal tank,” she couldn’t really wrap her head around something so huge flying around, “and the western elders made it? Or they grabbed it from the NCR?”

She watched him take in a breath with some small level of fear. Whatever he was about to tell her was going to hurt, she knew it. “No. The Prydwen was a project headed by Proctor Ingram, started by the Enclave...and intended for Elder Maxson.”

She blinked owlishly at him, “You’re telling me Sarah is dead and a teenager is the Elder.” Maybe it was rude to phrase it that way, but it was the truth wasn’t it? Arthur was barely out of boyhood and they just slapped the title on him before Sarah’s body was cold. She flinched at her own thoughts. _Oh god, Sarah_.

Cade saw the pained grimace on her face, but needed to continue ripping off this proverbial bandage. “No, Elder Maxson isn’t a teenager. He barely was when he was elected. The Prydwen was launched nine years ago and began its patrol two years later when Maxson was elected as Elder.” This time he leaned in close. “I’m going to tell you this exactly how I worded it to Anderson and Ripson. It is imperative that you understand the complete truth. It is 2289 and you were held in a cryostasis. You’re in the Commonwealth and up until this point it was believed you, Anderson, and Ripson were dead.”

Shiloh swallowed as he looked her in the eyes. Part of her dared him to break eye contact, make some semblance of this a lie. He didn’t. “Can I--” he throat felt dry, “can I speak to Ingram?”

He either understood or pitied her, because he sat back with a soft look. “Of course. Stay here while I get her.”

He didn’t give her much of a choice. He left with her still chained up.

-0-

“I normally wear a modified power armor frame,” Rachel Ingram spoke as she rolled into the room on a wheelchair, “but I think this situation needed less metal.” The words weren’t humorous, she was speaking plainly.

Perhaps seeing powerful, undefeatable Ingram paralyzed should have shocked her more, but she was already numb. The moment Shiloh saw her face, she knew it was real. Sarah was dead, Arthur was the Elder, everything was wrong and different and-- Ingram gave her the key before she could violently thrash at the cuffs. Using her powerful arms, Ingram pushed out of the wheelchair and sat at Shiloh’s bedside. The younger woman didn’t have to energy to stand.

Shiloh wanted to speak, but her vision went blurry with unshed tears. Reaching out a tentative hand, Ingram pushed a lock of hair out of Shiloh’s face before pulling her in for a hug. Shiloh gripped her perhaps too tightly, unable to do anything but hiccup as she cried. She was quiet during it, always had been since the days Butch and his gang pushed her around. Her father had found it concerning. _Nobody’s going to judge you if you’re loud honey. Lots of children cry._ Still, she hadn’t listened. She hadn’t listened to a lot of what her father said.

Trembling in Ingram’s arms, she finally released a held breath and pulled back. “How did she die?”

It wasn’t a question Ingram flinched from. “Super mutant attack.”

“Is it-”

“Maxson killed him.” Shiloh didn’t know what to say to that. Nobody better to take revenge, she supposed. Her morals weren’t above revenge at all. She hoped Arthur had made it a painful death. Ingram saw the look on her face. “Don’t be like that. You can’t go dark on me, too. Not when you-- you just got back.” She was gonna say something about coming back to life. It would have reminded Shiloh of her biblical father. It would have made her scoff. She was trapped in some human-sized fridge. The thought made her feel sick with anger. Ingram must have still seen the storm brewing behind her eyes, because she carefully slid back into her wheelchair. “This is a lot for you. Promise me you’ll rest a little bit before trying to leave.”

“I promise.” Her words were hollow, but she kept her promises and Ingram knew that. She lay back against the pillow, turning away from Ingram. The older woman silently left and she was thankful that she and Sarah were similar in personality. Ingram knew when to stay and be a support and when to give her space. She would have to find her on the ship again. Ingram deserved a warmer reunion than she had the energy to give right now.

It was a small mercy that Ingram left when she did. Shiloh found herself curled up on the bed, sniffling over the generator’s rumble. Only, it wasn’t some primitive generator. It was the engine of a giant airship flying over a land she’d barely seen. She knew that she’d have to leave the room sometime. She needed answers and questions waited for her on the other side of the door.

-0-

Shiloh hadn’t acknowledged her damaged and travel-dusted clothing until a scribe popped in through the door with a bundle in her hands. “Good morning Paladin,” the young woman chirped, “Knight Rhys asked me to bring you this. If you remember he-”

“I remember him,” Shiloh reached for the clothing. Her morning began quicker than she’d liked.

“Oh, right,” the girl gave her the Brotherhood salute, “my name is Scribe Haylen. Knight Rhys thought you might appreciate someone other than Knight-Captain Cade delivering these to you.”

Considering the clothing included undergarments, Shiloh was genuinely thankful. “I appreciate that, Scribe Haylen.” Before the other woman could excuse herself, Shiloh stopped her. “I need to ask you...do they know?”

Scribe Haylen didn’t try to pretend she didn’t know what Shiloh meant. “I...yes, they know. It was supposed to be the higher ups, but word travels on an airship. And you are the Lone Wanderer. Many of these soldiers have Project Purity to thank for their health and the health of their families.”

Shiloh nodded, uncomfortable with the praise. “It was my father’s project. I just...helped.”

Haylen knew not to push. “Of course, Paladin. Would you like me to show you around?”

Shiloh stopped fumbling with the flight suit’s buckles to ponder the experience of awkwardly wondering around the ship by herself. “Would you?”

“Yes, ma’am!” She perked up immediately, “I’ll just wait outside until you’re dressed.” Shiloh wasn’t sure if the scribe was bound by duty, curiosity, or something else, but Haylen’s reaction warmed her a little. After more time fumbling with the orange and gray flight suit’s buckles, Shiloh emerged gingerly from the room. They were on a lower level, somewhere near the knight and initiate quarters. Haylen led her down the hall past the showers and up a convoluted pattern of stairs and ladders until they neared the flight deck.

The sky was clear when Haylen opened the door. The young scribe was telling her something about the sleek virtibirds parked against the Prydwen’s deck, but Shiloh was distracted by the distance they floated above the Boston airport. “Ma’am?” Haylen noticed Shiloh’s wary peer over the deck. “Are you feeling sick?”

“A little overwhelmed,” Shiloh continued to look at the ground before Haylen gently tapped her arm.

“I’ll show you something a little easier,” Haylen led her to the end of the deck, where a wide half circle of pathway reached out across the sky. “For some reason, when I first boarded, coming here made me feel better. It feels more claustrophobic when it’s just you and one line of path. Here it’s open and you can feel the sky surround you.”

Shiloh knew what she meant, feeling wrapped in a sea of blue, but her stomach still squirmed. She glanced behind them to see a soldier clad in power armor pointing their direction, Knight-Captain Cade at their side. “I guess that ends our tour.”

Cade dismissed Haylen with a friendly smile and the young woman scurried away with her orders. The doctor then gave Shiloh a solemn look. “The Elder wants to see you.”

Shiloh swallowed thickly. Arthur wanted to see her. _Elder Maxson_ wanted to see her. She knew immediately he must hate her. She’d gone off and died when he was thirteen, just before Sarah apparently did. And the last thing she’d said to him-

He definitely hated her.

She repressed a sigh, knowing it was rude, and nodded slowly as Cade led her back up the staircase to the command deck. Arthur would have to be, what, twenty? Twenty-two?

-0-

He was twenty-two. She’d calculated it properly on their way. He looked so tired that it made her chest hurt the moment she saw him. She and Cade were standing by as he addressed a man in a dark gray captain’s uniform. She supposed that the Prydwen counted as something of a boat. Their meeting ended and the other man didn’t spare a glance in their direction before heading below deck to where the ship’s controls were.

Arthur turned to them, and she knew the second he laid eyes on her that Arthur was buried below the Elder Maxson. He’d grown an insane amount in nine years, that she knew was thanks to Brotherhood expectations of fitness. She wasn’t surprised he’d reached peak condition for power armor recommendations, but he was still so young. She stopped herself there. Technically...he was the same age as her now. The thought made her feel slightly dizzy.

Luckily for her pride, he hadn’t been speaking to her this whole time. He was doing something akin to sizing her up. It made her feel raw, exposed, and she found herself slightly on the defensive.

“Elder,” to everyone’s surprise, she spoke first.

“Paladin,” he nodded and Shiloh prepared for the verbal lashing. “You’re free to use the Prydwen until your recovery. My crew on the Prydwen is full, but there are some Star Paladins at the airport you may join should you feel like taking on any missions. And I’ll have Proctor Tegan supply you with an officer’s uniform. The one you’re wearing is for power armor users. Dismissed.”

He turned away from her to the window and Shiloh blinked in surprise at his coldness. She couldn’t read the expression on Cade’s face but notably, he stayed back when she left the command deck. Following a squire around led her to Proctor Tegan and her new uniform. She stopped on her way downstairs to see Proctor Quinlan and pry about the facility she was found in.

Busy reading some old document on his terminal, he gave her a folder to read about her cold case. Nothing of interest grabbed her attention save for the coordinates of the facility, which she memorized. There were some brief additions from the past few days and she noted that both Anderson and Ripson were sent back to the Capital Wasteland. She couldn’t fathom why they kept her behind. Especially when the Elder couldn’t get rid of her quickly enough.

She left the documents with Quinlan and returned to her room to change. Luckily, they left the old combat armor she’d donned for her mission up here in her room. Strapping that over the black flight suit, she punched the coordinates to the facility in her Pip-Boy and headed for the closest vertibird.

When the pilot tried to argue, she pulled rank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, the Prydwen was launched in 2280, after Shiloh disappeared. Before then it was a well-kept secret. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	3. Feeling Chastised

Cade was the only other man on the Prydwen with permission to speak freely to Maxson. He had to decency to wait until they were in the Elder’s quarters before doing so.

“Sir, I was under the impression that you were going to have a proper conversation with her.”

Maxson busied himself with a bottle of bourbon, “In all honesty, Knight-Captain, I didn’t know what to say. What would you have done?”

“I would have at least let her adjust before throwing her off the ship.” He held a hand up at Maxson’s offer of a glass. “She was one of Sarah’s closest friends and her work in the Capital Wasteland-”

Maxson was glad the glass held up in his death grip, “I gave her a way out.”

“Sir?”

“That was the best thing I could do for her. I knew her for _years_. Trapped on some airship with bad memories and a new Elder would have suffocated her.”

Cade’s jaw slacked, “I didn’t realize your orders came from compassion.”

“Well I don’t plan on making a habit of that,” Maxson sat roughly in a chair. In reality he _had_ made too many compassionate decisions since arriving in the Commonwealth, but Cade wouldn’t be part of that information.

Cade sat down across from him, tapping his fingers on the meeting table, “I know you said you’re fine. With all due respect, I know when you’re lying to me. You don’t have to be tough, not in a situation as bizarre as this one. I think you should talk to me.”

Of all the doctors Maxson could have assigned to the Prydwen, he just _had_ to assign the one with a bleeding heart. Another compassionate decision since Cade had been his childhood doctor and his mother’s favorite physician. He tried not to think about the latter. Maxson pondered Cade’s words. When Dans- when soldiers under his command employed symptoms of post-traumatic stress, Cade was the first person they were sent to. It’s why he’d made sure Cade was the first person Shiloh saw.

Maxson swirled the bronzed liquid in his glass before drinking it in one go, “Again, what is there to say? She came back to life. Thanks to a power outage. A random chance. She could have been there forever. To be frank with you, Knight-Captain I don’t have a clue as to how I feel. We didn’t part on good terms. But no matter,” he stood up, putting the liquor away, “I’m her Elder now. If I am to maintain order around here I cannot be distracted by this situation. And I won’t be so long as we maintain a professional relationship.”

Maxson knew that was the wrong thing to say when Cade’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Sir, do you think you’re compromised?” Arthur gripped the side of the table. _Of course he remembered the teenage crush he had on her._

“Don’t be ridiculous, we barely know each other.”

“Of course. My apologies, Elder,” Cade stood to leave, “however I do think we should keep her on the crew. She has exceptional survival skills and having another Paladin on board might help with ranking.”

Before Maxson could reply that _no_ _it would make things a lot muddier_ _than they already were_ , they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Cade opened it to reveal a young vertibird pilot clad in the signature flight suit and bomber jacket, “Excuse me Knight-Captain, Elder Maxson, but I have a confession to make.”

Maxson stared, “Do I look like a priest to you, Knight?”

The young man flushed, “No, sir, but I believe you should know what I’ve done. Paladin Carver demanded that I take her to coordinates matching the facility where she was picked up. I dropped her off at the airport instead.”

“Since when do Knights make executive decisions to ignore their superiors?” A mix of anger at Shiloh and the insubordinate Knight overwhelmed him, “Report yourself to Lancer-Captain Kells. I will deal with both of you on my own time.”

Maxson simmered in his anger when the pilot left and Cade left him to his own thoughts. He busied himself with paperwork for the next hour or so before the feeling of a crew out of control overwhelmed the need to be productive. He slammed down the papers he’d been reading over and stormed out of his quarters towards the flight deck.

-0-

The airport was in chaos when he landed. The scribes were especially jittery today and practically ran for cover the moment they saw him. Proctor Ingram was nowhere to be found. Neither was Dr. Li. But the main feature was that after a few days of being powered off so Ingram could run diagnostics, Liberty Prime was back to patrolling around the airport with Shiloh at its heels. She was being chased down by two knights in power armor who were yelling something about safety and protocol. He knew immediately that she was lashing out by being a pain in the ass. It was something Sarah would commonly complain to her about in their arguments.

The black suit he’d ordered her to wear was covered in mismatched and well-worn combat armor. Her shoulder-length hair swayed loosely in the wind. Maxson was suddenly struck by how fiercely he had missed her. His chest ached with a stab of loneliness at the wonder in her eyes. He remembered their first and only mission together, how she’d curiously searched the old military base for junk and ammo. Then one of the knights chasing her tripped with a crash and he remembered himself, his anger returning in full.

“What the _hell_ is going on here?” he barked, quieting the knights and scribes around the airport immediately. Proctor Ingram emerged from one of the warehouses covered in soot from her repairs. Her eyes widened when she saw how close Shiloh was standing by the _gigantic war machine’s_ feet.

“Jesus Christ, all three of you get away from him before you get stepped on,” she seemed more protective of Prime than anything. Not that Maxson could exactly blame her, with all the work she put into him.

He ignored the knights in power armor and headed straight for Shiloh, “I made it clear that you were to work with the Star Paladins. Not go off on your own, Paladin Carver.”

To his surprise, Shiloh stopped under his scrutiny, “My apologies, Elder.”

He paused for a moment too long to be natural before clearing his throat. “Forgive me,” his scowl didn’t lessen, “With your history of speaking to Elders, I did not expect a proper response.” His biting remark definitely hit her where it hurt. He saw the brief pain in her eyes. Something inside him relished that she felt an ounce of how he’d felt over the past nine years. However, something else inside him twisted in guilt because _Christ, Arthur it’s been a day since she found out Sarah died_.

She continued staring at him, “Again, I apologize for my actions, Elder.” She glanced up at Liberty Prime’s retreating form, “Even the big guy changed…”

That struck Maxson. His eyes widened at his own coldness and something of an apology formed on his lips when he noticed the whole airport staring at their exchange. His scowl returned, “Never again, Paladin. Find something to do at the airport and stay with Proctor Ingram. That’s an order.” He headed for the vertibird back to the Prydwen. Proctor Ingram was staring openly at him in disappointment. He dared her to say something with a glare.

-0-

Shiloh stared at the wall during her shower in silence. Only here would she drop her pride and allow her thoughts to wander to today’s events. Maxson had essentially grounded her in front of everyone. With all the fights they’d had, Sarah had never ordered her to stay in one place. They both knew that she was prone to living up to the Lone Wanderer name. If torturing her was the method, Maxson really was a brilliant tactician.

 _God_ , he’d been so angry at her. That anger, the way he commanded the whole airport with just presence alone was something she never thought she’d see. Nine years and he’d changed to an entirely new person.

She owed her life to the Brotherhood ten times over. If only that heavy debt didn’t weigh on her then she would have just left without a backwards glance. Everyone she knew was probably dead. Jericho and Charon were both gone by the time she’d gone on that fateful mission. She didn’t know about Butch. Some deep, ugly part of her hoped he was dead, but Butch was tougher than he looked. All her companions were gone. Sarah was gone. Her father was gone. Amata despised her.

She turned off the water, sliding down the shower wall to sit on the floor. She curled up on herself in self-pity and tried to steady her breathing. An optimist, she was not. But, she thought as she wrung out her hair, she was a _survivor_.

She sought out Ingram after dressing back in her Brotherhood fatigues. “Am I allowed on the Prydwen?”

Ingram didn’t bother to hide her snort of laughter as she focused on power armor skeleton, “Afraid he’s gonna ground you again?”

Shiloh flushed, “I just think I should talk to him.”

Ingram immediately focused on her, “About disobeying his orders? Doubt he wants to be reminded.”

“No,” she didn’t want to elaborate.

“Ah, well,” Ingram set her tools down, “you _are_ allowed on the Prydwen. There isn’t much in the way of bedding down here.”

“Good, that's-” Shiloh swallowed thickly, “I just think I should talk to him.”

“If you want my advice, the sooner the better. Elder Maxson is the greatest leader our chapter of the Brotherhood has ever had. You won’t find a soul here that doesn’t respect him. He’s given everything to our cause. All he asks is respect in return and you disobeyed him.” Ingram set a power armored hand on Shiloh’s shoulder. “Everything is happening so fast, and you need to mourn Sarah, but for now just try to go along with things until we know how to help you.”

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” Shiloh deflated, “There’s nothing for me in the Capital Wasteland.”

Ingram made a face that Shiloh knew meant she had an idea, “I think I know how to help, but give me time. All I ask is that you work with the Star Paladins here on the ground for a while. They’ve been clearing super mutant hideouts. If you get back into Maxson’s good graces he’ll probably let you tag along.”

Shiloh nodded in sudden interest, “I don’t...I don’t want to sit here and mourn. I’ve never been good at that. But super mutants I’m all over. I’ll talk to him first.”

On her way towards the helipad site, Shiloh heard a strange chime coming from her pip-boy. It’d never made _that_ sound before. She glanced under the misc tab and saw an unopened note:

_Don’t input those GPS coordinates again._

-0-

Proctor Quinlan was not pleased when Shiloh stormed into his office and grabbed the nearest paper and pen. “Paladin! What is the meaning-” He was cut off when she shoved the paper in his face:

_Don't speak. I think my pip-boy is bugged._

As Quinlan examined the data from her pip-boy through his terminal, Shiloh sighed in relief that hers was an older model. Quinlan had little experience with the 3000 Mark IV models that littered the vaults of the Commonwealth, but her 3000A proved easy. Three different diagnostics tests came back negative for malicious viruses and instead found a single line of code that caused the text to pop up.

“It's just a miscellaneous note. Triggered by the specific map coordinates.” Quinlan adjusted his glasses as Shiloh gingerly put the device back on. “I would advise you to tell Elder Maxson right away.”

“Of course,” she sounded less confident than she’d meant to.

-0-

She took her time finding Maxson. He was back on the command deck when she found him, alone this time. Which made matters worse for her, “Elder Maxson.”

“Quinlan told me you were contacted by your captors,” he turned slightly towards her, away from the window overlooking ruined downtown Boston.

“I’m not sure if it’s them, exactly, but I was contacted when I input the GPS coordinates.”

“I’m going to send a patrol to that area. We have the coordinates on file. You must understand that you won’t be a part of that patrol.”

Inwardly she protested, but she did understand. “Yes, sir.”

He made a face at her affirmation, looking uncomfortable at how she addressed him, “Paladin, I know you’ve been through a lot in the past few days. If you’re willing to work with me, under  _my_ rules, then I am willing to trust you out in the Commonwealth representing the Brotherhood. In a week’s time, a group of Star Paladins will head for a super mutant hideout in a local hospital. You may go with them,” he almost hated himself when he saw her eyes light up, “but you have to prove yourself over the next week.”

“Of course, Elder Maxson.” She still wanted to wander, to be free, but the Brotherhood was all she had and she wouldn’t let him down, “I wanted to talk to you about-”

“Elder Maxson, apologies for the interruption, but Miss Moretti is on the communicator and urgently requires your attention,” an older scribe entered the command deck, looking like he’d been thoroughly yelled at.

Arthur grimaced. “We’ll talk later, Paladin,” he dismissed her.

-0-

Sighing in her room that night, Shiloh pondered the conversation as she stripped off her fatigues. She felt chastened at Arthur’s tone with her. She almost preferred when he was yelling at her. The way his eyes flashed and his brow furrowed.

Shiloh frowned. Maybe the self-service rec food went bad, because her stomach fluttered as she remembered the way he’d commanded her respect at the airport. She knew exactly where her thoughts were leading, but denial had her at full stop.

The room was dark and quiet.

A little open thinking wouldn’t hurt her.

Arthur Maxson had grown up to be handsome. And she was touch-starved. Plus, she might have a thing for being ordered around. It wasn’t a new revelation, but the subject was a little different. Even if her thoughts didn’t stray beyond the spark down her spine that she felt when he told her that the rules were _his_.

 _No. Not Arthur, not-_ She refused to indulge herself any more. It was sick and wrong, even if he was a man. She felt like a pervert. She just craved attention, that was all. It had been months since that time with the caravan worker...and technically nine years since that…

Shiloh pressed the pillow to her reddened face and forced herself to sleep, keeping her hands firmly above the covers. Ingram had told her all Arthur asked for was respect. This certainly wasn’t that. She chose instead to look forward to the moment she could get her hands on a weapon and down some super mutants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liberty Prime is one of my favorite motifs in the Fallout universe. Planning on eventually writing an Iron Giant AU with the big lug. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	4. Freedom in the Commonwealth

Shiloh discovered three things about herself over the next week. One, she had a high tolerance for trauma. Maybe it’d been due to the heroics she’d pulled off at nineteen, but she couldn’t find it in her to mope and cry about her situation. Sure, her coping mechanisms were usually to run off instead of facing her problems, but she didn’t have that option here. Despite Cade’s worry at her calm state, she felt that she was handling everything pretty well.

Two, she really hated being cold. With enough hassling, she was able to wrestle away two extra blankets from Proctor Tegan. Even if she woke up sweating in her fabric cocoon, the very idea of shivering just once repulsed her. She’d already had a nightmare or two about her hands and feet turning black with frostbite.

And three, the protocol for Liberty Prime’s patrol was to stay at least 50 feet away at all times. But for Shiloh it was 100 feet. This was partially due to the strange fascination she held with Prime. When a scribe asked her how she felt about him being rebuilt, she replied that it was weird to see an old war buddy. Shiloh wasn’t sure why her own joke felt so hollow.

Ingram kept her busy by letting her move power armor pieces after they were repaired on their frames. She was boxing up a group of sensor-equipped helmets when Ingram approached her. She saw the serious look on Ingram’s face and allowed the older woman to lead her away to the inner rooms of the Boston airport without a word.

They reached a hallway with a series of offices when Shiloh was led into one filled to the brim with old paperwork. The last thing she’d expected was to come upon Madison Li’s small frame. Shiloh's eyes widened when Dr. Li sharply turned around.

Whatever Ingram expected, it wasn’t for Dr. Li’s usually stoic face to crumple as she grabbed Shiloh into a strong hug. Shiloh was surprised how the smaller woman nearly suffocated her. They hadn’t exactly liked each other, especially as Dr. Li’s relationship with the Brotherhood deteriorated, but her father had loved her, so Shiloh hugged her back.

It was strange to be hugging your dead father's closest friend while your dead best friend’s partner watched.  _Nine years,_ Shiloh’s head swam. When Dr. Li released her, Ingram cleared her throat, “I thought you should see each other again before Dr. Li made her way back to the Citadel.”

Dr. Li’s discomfort made the sour relationship between the two women clear, “Thank you, Proctor Ingram. I’d like to talk to the Paladin alone now.” With a nod, Ingram left, her power armor’s clanking drifting down the hall. Dr. Li waited until the noise was gone before grabbing Shiloh’s hand, “You need to get away from them.”

Shiloh blinked stupidly at her, “Why?”

“ _Why?_ Look at that monster outside, look what they made me create,” Dr. Li’s face was dark with anger, “you don’t belong with these people.”

Swallowing thickly, Shiloh gripped the scientist's hands, “What did- what did you think they were going to do with him? He throws mini nukes like footballs, Dr. Li…” She’d already been briefed by Ingram over how the Brotherhood took down the Institute, and Dr. Li’s role in the whole thing. If you asked her, Shiloh would have blasted the Institute sky-high. They sounded a bastardization of science. They sounded like Vault-Tec. They sounded like the Enclave. Geniuses who wanted to play God. If Ingram’s intel was correct, many of the Institute’s scientists _had_ been Vault-Tec and Enclave. And Dr. Li had left to join them after she disappeared. “How did you leave the Brotherhood?”

Dr. Li frowned at Shiloh’s line of questioning, “I requested leave from Elder Lyons.”

Shiloh blinked at her stupidly for the second time, “She _let_ you leave?”

“Yes, I put in my request as soon as my work with Prime was done. Elder Lyons only agreed after I lost James and then you. I was really fortunate, because Elder Maxson took over just a couple of years later.”

“From what I’ve seen, I’m guessing he never would have let you leave.”

Dr. Li narrowed her eyes in thought. She clearly had no fear of the Brotherhood’s wrath, “Maxson would have me punished for even asking.”

Shiloh knew she should ask for a perspective on Maxson’s Brotherhood while she had it, “Is he cruel?”

“Cruel would be simpler than what he is.” Dr. Li scoffed, “He’s calculating. He knows how to coerce me into getting what he wants, regardless of my feelings on the matter. I don’t fear that boy. He sent some vault dweller with sweet words and a big heart and I believed her like an idiot. No matter, I’m going to be locked up in some Brotherhood lab until I’m too old to use a microscope, but at least I’ll be away from that monster I gave him.”

She didn’t flinch from Dr. Li’s cold words, knowing her too well, “When are you leaving?”

“Tonight unless they want to squeeze something else out of me. I stopped by to find some paperwork in here but,” she gestured to the packed room, “as you can see it’s useless.”

The two women parted with few words. Dr. Li had her things packed and ready as she boarded with vertibird back to the Capital Wasteland. The journey would be long for her, but Shiloh hoped she would find some happiness back home. Knowing Dr. Li’s personality, that was unlikely. But she still hoped, it’s what her father would have wanted.

Proctor Ingram approached Shiloh as she watched the vertibird disappear on the horizon. “You alright?”

Shiloh didn’t answer her. “Thank you. For letting me see her before she left.”

“She’s angry with us and probably couldn’t wait to get away from Prime. But I think it meant a lot to her.”

“Maybe. She gave me a lot to think about.”

Ingram looked exasperated. “If she tried to tell you we’re the bad guys-”

“Did you send a vault dweller to lie to her?”

“Ugh, of course she said that,” Ingram glanced over to make sure the patrolling knights weren’t listening in on them, “look, we didn’t lie to her. The woman we sent simply told her that we needed her more than some shady Institute scumbags did. Dr. Li didn’t like the secrecy and she made her choice. Elder Maxson’s been nothing but honest with her.”

“I need to be alone,” she turned immediately away. If Ingram wanted to stop her, she didn’t say anything. Shiloh was glad she let her leave. Screw being polite and screw protocol. She needed to think.

-0-

100 feet. She made sure of it. Liberty Prime was currently marching down the shoreline in his search for Red Chinese soldiers as Shiloh watched from a distance. Prime’s large body was silhouetted by the sun setting over the ocean. Bloatflies buzzed in the distance, lurching over the corpses of dead mirelurks. The beauty of the wasteland.

The information Dr. Li gave her disturbed her more than she’d admit out loud. Sure, the older woman had been angry. But even if she wasn’t lied to, even if she was disgusted with the Brotherhood, Dr. Li wasn’t a liar. Whatever feelings she held towards the Brotherhood and Maxson came from somewhere honest.

She was in no position to confront Arthur. _Elder Maxson_. Arthur was a boy she knew. Elder Maxson was who he was now and even in private thoughts she should address him as such. She was stupid to hope that he would keep the same Brotherhood. He was literally bred to change the Eastern chapter into an arm of the Western chapter. Whatever Brotherhood Owyn Lyons had brought her into was dead. Sarah Lyons’s Brotherhood had taken upon itself a new degree of ruthlessness. Who knew what Maxson made it into.

She suddenly regretted that she would be joining the Star Paladins tomorrow morning. For a fleeting moment she considered leaving and trying to survive on her own. She’d done it before, fresh out of a vault. But the Commonwealth proved itself a whole new kind of monster with stronger and more capable factions. From what she was told by other knights around the airport, there were things out there that would chew her to bits, power armored or otherwise. She placed a certain amount of luck on how she survived for so long on her own. Clearly her luck had run out.

Shiloh jumped when a tentative hand touched her shoulder. She turned to see Scribe Haylen. She looked tired, probably just returning from the Cambridge Police Station she spent a good portion of her time at. The young woman smiled, “100 feet, ma’am. You sure know how to push protocol. Would you care to join me and Knight Rhys for dinner?”

Dinner wasn’t much on the Prydwen. It was supposedly self-service, but Shiloh suspected there was some kind of invisible rule as to how much to take. She sipped slowly from a can of purified water, not interested in any of the food Rhys and Haylen were digging into across the table from her. Rhys looked like an experienced soldier, but she’d never heard of him before, so he was either younger than he looked or he was from the west. She’d asked him as much.

“I joined up a little later in life. Spent most of my life guarding a settlement in the Capital Wasteland. Not really a glamorous life, wanted something different. I joined after the settlement was destroyed by super mutants.” He poked around at his food, “Gave them ten times back what they gave me.”

Haylen must be used to his brooding nature, because it didn’t dampen her high spirits. “I just celebrated my fourth year with the Brotherhood. Joined up as soon as I was old enough. So much information.” Shiloh wondered if Haylen swooned over Rhys as much as she swooned over old documents.

“So, you two are in a unit together?”

Haylen suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Recon Squad Gladius.”

Rhys gripped his fork tight enough for Shiloh to notice, “We don’t have a commander right now. So we’ve been tagging along different squads.”

Shiloh’s eyes darted between them, “I see.” The discomfort was deafening, but Shiloh had enough tact not to push. Especially when the one about to blow was the one who’d saved her life. She stood to throw away her can, not missing the meaningful look Proctor Tegan gave her.

-0-

She found the Proctor later back in his cage. He was polishing the counter of his shop, a laser pistol half-modified next to him. The slur in his voice gave away that he’d been hitting the liquor again. It wasn’t something she was surprised by, having known him since he was a field scribe at the Citadel.

“I’m gonna tell you what everyone else on this damn ship is too afraid to say. Their commander was Danse.”

 _Oh_. She hadn’t thought Danse the type to leave the Citadel. He loved training the new recruits too much. He had loved training Maxson too. Tegan ignored her shock, “He’s the reason we’re in this godforsaken Commonwealth. Found some radio signal indicating a high level of technology. You could say he’s the reason we were able to destroy the Institute in the first place. Ironic, because it turned out he was one of their synth pets.”

“He was _what?_ ” she said a little too loudly, her face paling at the information overload.

“Yeah, kid,” Tegan squeezed the bridge of his nose, “he was a synth. Probably didn’t even know it, poor bastard. Elder Maxson put him down himself. Intel says it was a good kill. He went peacefully, knew Maxson was granting him a mercy.”

“I- I,” Shiloh felt like her tongue was tied. Of all the people, Danse was a synth. _Danse_.

“Didn’t think you guys were close,” Tegan looked like he began to regret his bluntness.

Shiloh ignored him, beelining for her quarters immediately.

-0-

She’d been sitting against the door in her room for hours, ignoring Cade when he tried to stop by. She was sure Tegan told him about what happened. She didn’t want to talk about it.

What she _did_ want was to leave this fucking airship.

Later, as soon as the sun began to rise, Shiloh snuck onto a vertibird, avoiding any of the Proctors and especially avoiding Haylen and Rhys. She met up with the Star Paladins as they formed a group near the barricades. The plan had been to save a vertibird and head to the hospital on foot. If any of the Star Paladins had something to say as to why she wasn’t wearing power armor, they were polite enough not to express their thoughts.

Truth was, she had tried to wear a power armor frame and felt well and truly uncomfortable. Power armor wasn’t for everybody, Ingram had assured her. She’d worn the T-45 years before, but found even back then that it slowed her down. Her combat armor would suit her just fine. Her survival skills were the key in her joining them anyways. That and her medical knowledge. Feeling more scribe than paladin, she trailed behind the soldiers as they headed towards the super mutant hive. The bloatflies were louder during dawn, but were dispatched easily by her Brotherhood-issued .10 mm. The others didn’t bother wasting ammo on them.

It was quiet on the journey. Shiloh almost wished they were friendlier. Less business. They reminded her too much of Danse. Danse, who was put down like a dog. She’d been put in the position to save a synth’s life before. A synth just like Danse in Rivet City. She chose to save him.

Then again she wasn’t the Elder of the Brotherhood and Harkness wasn’t a threat to her entire organization.

Still, the whole situation clouded her thoughts. Danse had been the greatest soldier under Sarah Lyons’s command. Sarah admired him greatly and appointed him to guide young Maxson for a reason. Shiloh hadn’t considered how Arthur... _Maxson_...felt personally about killing him.

If it had been her-

The Star Paladin next to her began shooting without much fanfare and she was snapped into survival mode.

“A noise?!” one super mutant guarding the perimeter yelled stupidly. _Yes, gunfire, a very loud noise._  Shiloh attempted to quiet the Star Paladin when the others joined in, alerting the whole nest of them immediately.

So stealth wasn’t her strong suit. But usually she’d give herself some time to survey the area she was infiltrating first. These guys either really meant business or were just over eager to kill some super mutants. Knowing what she did so far about Maxson’s Brotherhood, she supposed it might be the latter.

Hours later, the base was clear, their packs were full, and Shiloh was nursing a Star Paladin who’d climbed out of his power armor with a bruised chest from a sledgehammer hit. “Doesn’t look like any internal bleeding, but Cade will know for sure. How do you feel?” Shiloh pushed the sweaty locks of hair from her face.

The Star Paladin scratched his beard, “I feel like I could kiss Ingram for her work on this armor.”

“She wouldn’t much like that,” Shiloh quipped, watching as the other two Star Paladins poked through the super mutant corpses. One examined a weapon, dropping it in disgust when he realized it was made from some kind of trachea.

Once the injured one was patched up, they gathered their spoils and made the trek back to the Prydwen. Still floating in the sky, they had a clear view of it on their way. The whole journey would be done before the day’s end.

-0-

Maxson praised them for a job well done. She had to admit, it felt good to be on a positive note with him. He expressed admiration at their swift takedown of the super mutant nest. But there was a touch of relaxation in his voice, like he expected no different. Maybe not from her, but the Star Paladins with her certainly had done their jobs well before.

For a brief, panic-filled moment, she thought he might promote her. He seemed to be heading for some major revelation, but it never came. As the Star Paladin in charge of their little group briefed him on the specifics of the mission, Shiloh stood further back and stared at him.

 _Did you lie to Dr. Li?_ She wanted her stare to speak for her.  _Did you inspire the bloodlust in these soldiers? Did you kill Danse? Did he really want it? Did you?_

Questions she wouldn’t ask him. Questions she wanted and didn’t want the answers to. He paid her little heed. She moved to leave with the rest of them when Maxson called her to stay behind. “Paladin Carver, do you have something to tell me?”

So he’d noticed her staring. Of course he did.

“No, sir. I’m just glad you allowed me to go with them.”

“You may stay behind and rest, if you wish.”

“I do not wish, sir,” she held his stare, even when his brows furrowed.

“Of course. Feel free to join them when they go next.” She didn’t reply, merely nodding, desperate to leave. He was practically staring a hole into her and she didn’t like it. If he asked, she couldn’t tell him her thoughts, she couldn’t- “Dismissed, Paladin.”

“Thank you, sir,” she saluted, practically running from the command deck. She found herself later in the rec room, staring at her food like it would start moving. Haylen was chatting to her about something, trying to fill the silence. It wasn’t working, but Shiloh appreciated her trying.

“You know,” Haylen began gently, “you can talk to me if you want. I know you don’t know me very well, but just know you have someone other than Proctor Ingram and Knight-Captain Cade to talk to.”

Shiloh nodded with a watery smile, feeling pathetic. Because she couldn’t talk to Haylen about this. Not when the problem included Danse. She didn’t know how much Haylen knew and wasn’t willing to bring up the death of her commanding officer.

She wanted someone to talk to, but it wasn’t Haylen. She wanted Sarah.

Finishing her food as not to waste it, Shiloh headed to her room in silence, feeling more like a stranger to everyone than she had when she first woke up. She wasn’t in a Lyons Brotherhood. She was in a Maxson Brotherhood. And she didn’t know her place in it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this fic, I've purposely kept the relationship between Shiloh and Danse as platonic. Other fics I'm writing have more of a checkered past between them. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	5. Wasteland Heroes

The next six missions went off without a hitch. Shiloh was getting into a routine, which normally would have scared her, but now it was less frightening than the unknown. She’d join the first patrol leaving the Boston airport almost as soon as she came back from another. It gave her little time to think, just like she wanted.

From what Ingram was willing to tell her, the Brotherhood was itching to get out of the Commonwealth. But it seemed like more and more reasons for them to stay kept piling up. The most recent reason is that escaped Institute scientists were very resourceful and were joining other factions. Including the Children of Atom, to everyone’s surprise.

Wearing an uncomfortable hazmat suit, Shiloh scouted ahead of their patrol on the north edge of what was dubbed the Glowing Sea. Radstorms were a constant out here and most of the ground was dead and dried. Supposedly they were tailing a roaming group of super mutants, but so far nothing came their way save for radscorpions and a yao guai.

The telltale whirring of a radstorm raged in the distance, traveling westward far enough away to not be much of a threat. A star paladin in her patrol was leaning against a group of dead trees to rest. Shiloh picked at the crumbling road, not finding much evidence of a group coming by. “Maybe they turned west.”

“Didn’t think I’d see the day that a group of super mutants would outrun us. Shit,” another star paladin called over to her as she peered through the rubble with the light on her helmet.

They chose to reroute back to the Prydwen and came upon an old trailer park. Shiloh made sure to avoid the skeletons as she explored the metal heaps. The patrol noted the skeleton of a deathclaw sitting near the poolside as they continued on with little added loot. Shiloh frowned. If her memory served correct, they were near the facility she was found in, maybe just slightly west. She eyed her pip-boy warily. No viruses had been found and she’d received no more messages.

They stopped to rest again a few hours later on the north-east edge of the Glowing Sea. So far the mission had little excitement. One star paladin removed his helmet and began smoking. Shiloh began rummaging through her pack for water when a group on the horizon caught her attention.

They came directly from the Glowing Sea, looking much like a military patrol, perhaps raiders. The star paladins readied their weapons in anticipation. When the group came close, Shiloh saw that they were armed and wore armor painted with elaborate signs that matched the black paint on their faces.

The leader of the triage held up his hands in surrender, “We mean you no harm. We are simply returning from our pilgrimage to the Crater of Atom.” Shiloh was a little struck by how sane they sounded. These men were far different than the sad, irradiated souls she’d usually seen with the Children of Atom. The Children in the Capital wore little more than scraps, these men looked healthy and wore armor she’d never seen before.

One of the soldiers standing in the back was pointedly staring at her pip-boy and the distinct combat armor she wore. His eyes darted to the distance, back where she knew the facility was, and he quickly took the leader aside to whisper to him. The leader turned back to them, a less friendly look on his face, “Where did you get this one?” He was pointing at Shiloh, but speaking to the soldiers with her.

The star paladins looked at each other, confused by his line of questioning. Finally, one answered, “Move along, we’re not here to cause trouble with your kind.”

“If you released this one, then you have already caused trouble,” he gave Shiloh a dangerous look, “You were to be dealt with by the scientists.”

The star paladin who had been smoking earlier lifted his weapon enough to catch their attention, “And you were told to move along.”

“What scientists?” Shiloh blurted over the tension, desperate for answers, “Did you take me there?”

The star paladin beside her her hissed, “Paladin, calm yourself.”

“We won’t speak to you. But we will speak to your Elder. Now that we know your Brotherhood is hiding you, expect us at the airport within a week’s time.”

All three Brotherhood soldiers tensed at the thinly veiled threat. The one in the back barked at them, “You should be shot where you stand.”

The Children of Atom soldiers ignored his open threat entirely. Something that frustrated Shiloh was that the Children had always been laughed at and not taken seriously because they were a strange cult. They were fearless with Atom’s will. They were dangerous.

The leader scoffed, “We don’t fear your Brotherhood. And we won’t answer your questions. Especially not yours.” He looked at Shiloh like she wasn’t worth the dirt they stood on.

Eventually, the Children moved on past the Brotherhood soldiers. Tensions were high and one of the soldiers asked if Shiloh was alright. She nodded, lying through her teeth that she was fine. She was the lowest ranking soldier of the group, but she would be there to brief Maxson regardless. She wanted answers.

When the other star paladins were dismissed, Shiloh was left alone with Maxson and Kells on the command deck. He’d commended them for a job well done, adding that Shiloh had certainly been proving her value to the Brotherhood by constantly joining missions. If he had any problem with her doing so, he didn’t say it.

Lancer-Captain Kells had joined them as Maxson’s second in command. Shiloh wasn’t sure what to make of him. He was one of the coldest men she’d ever met and she couldn’t see herself getting along with him much. Not that she needed to, considering he reminded her constantly that he was well and truly her commanding officer and the captain of the Prydwen.

“What do you make of this, sir?” Kells asked Maxson, speaking like Shiloh wasn’t even in the room.

Maxson turned to look out the command deck’s window, staring out towards the ruined skyscrapers, “I’m not sure why I should dignify them with a meeting. If they so much as touch the airport they will be shot on sight.”

“Elder Maxson, they know who I am. If they have some kind of information…”

“I’m not convinced, Paladin. What haven’t you done to anger the Children of Atom?” Maxson’s frankness surprised her. “No, I don’t think they have the capability to kidnap and cryogenically freeze a Brotherhood squadron simply for revenge. Someone else is in charge, and I’m almost certain it’s the Institute. Or…” he tapped his fingers in thought against the window ledge, “they were in charge before we destroyed them.”

“You think they froze me and just...forgot about me?”

“No, I don’t. Their director was far too thorough in his plans. If this wasn’t the Institute, then it was a splintered part of them. Or perhaps an experiment gone wrong.” Shiloh watched intently as Maxson crossed his arms in deep thought, “I will speak to them.”

Kells looked surprised, “Sir, facing them personally is a huge risk.”

“They’re challenging us by coming here. They told us they would challenge our authority when we sent out patrols to the Glowing Sea. They say they don’t fear me, but I don’t fear their Atom. Lancer-Captain, if they come, you are to stay on the ship while I meet with them. Paladin, you are to stay as well.” Shiloh flushed with indignation and Maxson spoke before she could protest, “It is for your own safety. Your presence obviously inspires anger in them. You will stay on the ship.” The look on his face gave no room for questions.

-0-

The Children came three days later. Shiloh sat with her legs swinging off the flight deck of the Prydwen. From there, she could only see the group as small blips on the airport property, but it was more than waiting in her quarters. Being knights, none of the guards bothered to chastise her for sitting on the pathway. Maxson walked past her, boarding the vertibird without a word.

It was due to the worry, she knew, and the loneliness, but she wished he would at least look at her. She wanted something of her young friend back. All these new people overwhelmed her and familiarity seemed like such a far off possibility. But he was Elder Maxson now more than ever and he didn’t spare her a glance.

Through the thin, wispy fog below the Prydwen, she watched as Maxson’s vertibird landed and he met with the Children, flanked by guards in power armor. She wondered why he didn’t wear his. Another political thing, she supposed.

Down on the ground, Maxson gave the zealot his darkest glare, “why in the world would I do that?”

“Mother Isolde requests that you carefully consider her offer. We are willing to trade information you require if you give us the heretic. Her very presence in the Commonwealth is a blight on Atom’s will. Turn her over to our custody and we will reveal to you every location of Institute scientists that we know of.”

Maxson’s jaw clenched. The star paladins around him were silent, holding their breaths in anticipation. “No. Do not ask again.” He dared them to with his eyes. The zealot didn’t seem fazed, but Maxson could tell he hadn’t expected such a swift denial.

“Very well. But do not think we will continue to allow your presence near the crater. You will find us a harsher company than before. We will not forget what you have sacrificed in order to protect her.” Neither would Maxson, but he would live very easily with his decision.

The star paladins said nothing about his choice and neither did the proctors. Kells was more vocal, giving him something about sacrificing for the greater good. He’d whirled on his second-in-command, “I know very well about hard decisions. That one, that one was easy. I will not sacrifice a soldier to radiation torture for a few possible locations. We have had no proof they are working with Institute scientists.”

Kells frowned, but nodded as Maxson left for his quarters. He told Kells to have Paladin Carver meet him there.

-0-

The room was smaller than the Elder’s quarters were in the Citadel. Shiloh felt a little suffocated, like the room needed a window or five. The Prydwen, in all its glory, felt like a cramped metal trap sometimes. Her suffocation wasn’t helped by being alone here with Maxson. After avoiding him all she could the past few weeks, she ended up facing him with no back up or distractions.

When he told her what the Children had asked, she’d questioned, “Why didn’t you give me to them?”

Maxson looked almost offended by her question, “You are a soldier of the Brotherhood. Sacrificing your life over a few lousy locations-”

“The Brotherhood has sacrificed soldiers for possibilities before. Sarah has sacrificed for possibilities. If the Institute scientists are really that dangerous-”

“They will not take you again,” he wasn’t looking at her anymore, “I will not allow it.”

She blinked, taken aback, “Arthur-” she cut herself off, blushing in embarrassment, “I mean Elder Maxson.”

God help him, he almost said it. He almost said Arthur is fine. Because Arthur was definitely not fine. He cleared his throat, “Nevertheless, they gave me more information than they intended. We now know the Children of Atom are behaving like a military. And they’re protecting if not working with former Institute scientists. What this has to do with what happened to you remains to be seen, but I suspect it’s part of a side project. I’m sending a large group of star paladins and scribes to that facility as soon as I’ve gathered the man power.”

She deflated a little, making something in his chest ache, “Do you want me to stay behind?”

“Yes, Paladin, I do, but I’m going to let you go with them.”

Her eyebrows raised in surprise, “You don’t see me as a liability?”

“You’ve more than proven yourself in the field, far before I even took command. And you don’t need to go on countless missions to prove your loyalty to me. This is personal to you,” his face darkened with a memory, “I’ve had missions that were personal, too.” She knew he was talking about the mutant who’d killed Sarah. Suddenly fearless, she almost asked outright. He wouldn’t be the first one to open up, and God help her, she nearly did it when he spoke again, “This mission will require a certain perspective that, were the circumstances not so unique, I would not call upon. As soon as possible, we will have a sentinel on board. I would like you to meet her as your commanding officer for the time being.”

“You have a sentinel?” she knew there hadn’t been one since Sarah. Sentinels were Elder candidates, the highest rank you could achieve without being elected. So whoever this woman was, she’d done something big enough for the Brotherhood and the Commonwealth that she had Maxson’s highest respect. The thought intimidated her a little. Would she be the perfect soldier or a reluctant hero given the honor? Considering none of the soldiers so much as mentioned her, she probably wasn’t as ideal of a hero as they wanted. Shiloh knew the feeling.

“Yes. She was instrumental in our takedown of the Institute, but has taken a more active role in charge of the civilians in the Commonwealth. I’m sure she will have more to tell you when she arrives. You’ll do good to not underestimate her.”

Shiloh hadn’t understood what he meant by that until she actually met Nora James. Now, Shiloh was a little scrawny and barely looked her age, she knew that she didn’t look at all the wasteland hero. But Nora was the softest looking soul she’d ever met. She would have fit right in as a teacher in the vaults, surrounded by children.

Many of the squires on board immediately flocked to her arrival, saluting her and asking rapid-fire questions. They had likely been treated to her stories before. Shiloh felt a pang in her chest at that. She remembered what it was like to be looked up to by a squire.

Nora’s eyes found her over the crowded flight deck and she waved Shiloh over. Shiloh chose to wait until the squires had left with promises to talk more before she left. It seems Nora must have been informed on Shiloh’s...situation...because the light slightly left her features and she quietly led Shiloh to her quarters in the room next to Maxson’s.

As soon as the door shut, Nora flitted about, dusting off the desk and pulling out a chair. Shiloh sat down, not really used to this motherly treatment. Nora sat on the bed cross-legged, eyeing Shiloh for a long time before she spoke, “Do you feel cold all the time?”

Shiloh blinked, “Cold?” she asked stupidly.

“Yes, when-” Nora picked at the coverlet she sat on, “when I came out of being cryogenically frozen, I was cold all the time. It was like it sunk into my bones. Took a long time for that feeling to leave.”

Shiloh crossed her arms, “Did Cade put you up to this?”

The smile didn’t leave Nora’s features, “Maxson. Or, well, he tried to in so many words.” She waved her hand in the air dismissively, “He’s not very good at communicating.”

Shiloh bristled slightly at Nora’s words, not sure why she felt so defensive of Maxon. Nora hadn’t exactly lied. “He’s not- he’s just-”

One look from Nora had her shutting up. Okay, she could be intimidating. “He’s bad at communicating. And so are you. So is most of the wasteland.” Shiloh sat still as Nora dove into her whole life story. From a lost baby to taking down the Institute. Shiloh didn’t know what to say. “Now I think I’ve done enough for the Brotherhood to let me spend my days protecting civilians and repairing settlements. It’s the future I want. Nate was the soldier, not me.”

“Why come back?”

Nora sighed deeply, “There are two reasons I decided to help the Brotherhood one more time. One, this is for you, not Elder Maxson, and I’ve heard quite a lot about you. Part of me wants to know how much of that is true. And two, one goal of my life has to been to prevent the spread of cryogenic technology. The machines in my vault have already been destroyed. I don’t want anyone to have the power that Vault-Tec and the Institute had over me and my family. Not even the Brotherhood. So, I’ve decided to help again. But my condition is that that facility is burned to the ground instead of coveted.”

“Maxson agreed to that?”

“He knows my value. And he knows the Brotherhood has little military use for cryogenics. How the western elders feel may be different, but I find their feelings beyond my consideration.”

Shiloh knew instantly why Maxson liked her. She would have made a good elder. This whole conversation made her ache for Sarah again. Shiloh had no maternal presence and very little female companionship. Being with a woman who was both in spades was emotionally exhausting.

She was reminded of one of those female companions when Nora reached onto her desk and lifted up a manual cheekily, “Now, a woman named Moira wrote this Wasteland Survival Guide with a huge love letter in the back dedicated to you. Only you were a man. That’s the first lie, I want to know if there are more in here.”

Shiloh paled when Nora handed her the book, “A love letter?”

“In a manner of speaking,” Nora smiled, “you’re essentially the co-author. She must have published this version after you went missing. This isn’t my first copy; many are starting to appear in the Commonwealth.”

To Nora’s surprise, Shiloh gave her a watery smile, filled with a rush of affection. “I told her in passing that if she were to ever publish another version of the damned thing, she better make sure nobody tracks me down for autographs. Making me a man was the safest bet.”

Nora approached her tentatively, placing the hand not holding the book in hers, “What those people did to you…” she saw Nora swallow her anger, “we will find them.”

Shiloh had more questions than answers at this point. But if Maxson trusted his highest honor to Nora, she would trust Nora too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Children of Atom are another motif and faction I really love about Fallout. I'd like to see them written about more, as enemies or allies. For the record, I'm not a big fan of writing Nora instead of Nate as Sole Survivor, but the story needed a more feminine touch. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	6. Anger Management

Nora James didn’t fit the Brotherhood mold, but she sure as hell was a leader. The knights, paladins, hell even the star paladins in their group listened to every order like they’d lay down and die for her. It’s likely they would, considering all she’d done for Maxson and the Commonwealth. Shiloh felt distinctly out of place here. She liked Nora, felt some twinge of companionship with her that she’d had with Sarah, but she also felt a pang of jealousy.

Nora was who people in the Capital Wasteland wanted the Lone Wanderer to be. Some kind of hero of the little guy, saving the Wasteland one settlement at a time. It’s not who she was; she couldn’t be the leader of a group. Shit, what few companions she’d chosen to take along with her all had died screaming...or ran off as soon as they could like Butch did. She wouldn’t make those mistakes again.

But, hell, Nora was a born leader. Her past life had been dedicated to standing up for what was right. It was only fitting she did as much after she woke up. If Nora hadn’t come back to the Brotherhood for this, Shiloh would have seriously considered slipping away. She was exhausted, and not just physically. They’d been marching for hours but that wasn’t unusual for her. It was dawn when they reached the facility, looking much like an army.

The power armored soldiers took first search and came out with an all-clear before Nora and the scribes headed in. The facility looked less worn in the coming light. Shiloh didn’t know how much nine years could tear down a building. The scribes gathered what they could on the functioning terminals and the knights set up a guard perimeter to keep watch.

Nora ordered them to stay off the fifth floor, where Shiloh knew the cryopods were. Only the two vault dwellers entered the lab. They rode the rickety elevator up, avoiding eye contact. Shiloh knew Nora could tell she was nervous. Nora, for her part, was unreadable.

The pods looked exactly like they’d left them. Behind some glass room with cold tile. There was a storm in Nora’s eyes when they came upon Davies’s body, “My husband died the same way. Shot down like an animal then frozen that way.” It took some time for the two women to remove the frozen corpse and wrap it with a tarp Nora had brought from downstairs. It would have been easier to ask for help, but silently neither woman wanted Brotherhood soldiers in this place. The risk of them wanting the technology they feared was too great. Maxson promised Nora could destroy it and destroy it they would.

“Back at one of my settlements, Sanctuary Hills, I have a friend named Sturges who personally taught me how to ruin these things electronically. We went one by one in Vault 111 and destroyed them together. It gave me a peace I hadn’t felt since I woke up. It gave me a chance to bury my husband.” Nora walked to each pod, messing with the wiring in their back panels as she spoke, “There. Now, here’s where you come in.” Nora proceeded to open one of the luggage cases they’d dragged up here and presented Shiloh with a bat riddled with nails.

Shiloh stared at the crude weapon, “Don’t you think Anderson and Ripson should be present for this, too?”

“This will be our only chance. Besides, those two have become tangled up in the Capital Wasteland. Anderson is back with her family and Ripson is working with intel back at the Citadel.”

Shiloh frowned at this information being kept from her, even though she really had no entitlement to it, “Why is he with intel?”

“The Brotherhood is looking into every route towards these scientists that they can. Including interrogating their own members. Anderson was quickly ruled out. She’s far too traumatized to provide anything solid.” Nora shook the bat slightly until Shiloh took it from her hand. “Do the honors. This,” she gestured to the room, “this is your Vault 111.”

Shiloh felt a little stupid as she tapped the cryopod lightly with the bat. Willing herself to take in the full scale of being frozen for nine years, she took a deep breath before swinging hard at the glass. It shattered loudly. Nora didn’t so much as flinch.

She thought of Sarah and hit the pod again. By the time she was done, it was smashed to bits, a tangle of wiring and metal. She could only damage it so much, but the damage was apparent. Shiloh didn’t stop there. Nora stood to the side, smoking a cigarette and sitting on a desk.

By the time she’s smashed the second pod, all she saw was red. Nine years. _Nine goddamned years._ The Institute, The Children of Atom, whoever the fuck they were, they stole _everything_ from her. What little friends she had left. Sarah. Arthur. All the people she’d helped and everyone who would remember her in the vault. She was dead to everyone and the idea scared her. It scared the fuck out of her. She had already been hanging on by a thread. She was a vault dweller. She wasn’t meant for the wasteland, she was forced out into it. She chose her father over her own safety and he died anyways.

Tears streamed down her face and she realized she was screaming as she smashed the last of the pods. Nora was watching her now, waiting for her to stop. With no energy left in her body, Shiloh dropped the bat and slid against the wall onto the now dirty tile.

She didn’t know that she wanted comfort until Nora gave it to her. Shiloh hiccuped quietly, rubbing her eyes but only succeeding to dirty up her face. She should be in her thirties by now, she should be older than Nora. Hell, Nora should be long gone from this world. But scientific curiosity...or whatever it was stole that from both of them. Nora pressed her close, paying no mind to how Shiloh dirtied up her uniform.

“Now you begin to heal. This was the only way. We still have a long way to go, but we’ll find them. I’ll find them. I’ll use every resource I have, and you must understand that’s a lot.”

Shiloh went slack and waited until Nora released her. She leaned her head back against the wall, still trembling from her emotional episode, “So we begin with the Children of Atom.”

-0-

The Children came in the afternoon. Nora met them just like Maxson had. Shiloh was yet again forced to wait in the back. She cursed her height when she had to stand on her toes to peer over a pile of crates at the scene. The Children were again dressed in elaborate armor, looking very much like a military. The same leader who’d met Maxson stood at the helm. “We warned you to stay away from this facility.”

“What’s done is done. I want answers. Are you Richter’s people?” Everyone at the scene was surprised by Nora’s words. Shiloh had never heard of a Richter and the Children suddenly looked wary.

“No, we moved south when he came to become grand zealot at the Nucleus. We had some...reservations with his approach to proving loyalty. We work strictly for Mother Isolde in the Glowing Sea.”

“I know Mother Isolde. She was non-hostile towards me. Yet she’s been heading an armored group for nine years.”

“We keep to ourselves until we are threatened, Sole Survivor,” Nora seemed to ignore the nickname they gave her, “and we only act on Atom’s will.”

“Enlighten me, why then and why now?”

“The one you hide has twice defied the will of Atom in the Capital Wasteland. She disarmed His bomb and she survived His rage at the purifier’s activation. Our zealots have had visions, dreams of her, and we have foreseen that she survived not because of Atom’s will, but _in spite_ of it.”

“So you waited for her to come to the Commonwealth?” Shiloh and certainly the rest of the Brotherhood stood in awe at how Nora just...got them to speak. Perhaps it was because she didn’t scoff at their mentions of visions. Perhaps it was because she knew Richter.

“It was foreseen. It was Atom’s will to surrender her to the Institute. We will say no more. Keep your Lone Wanderer. If she is to be returned for our judgement, it is Atom’s will she will come.” The leader and his followers left, Nora and the soldiers watching them until they faded in the distance.

A paladin approached Nora, “Why let them go?”

“The Brotherhood does not police the Commonwealth. We have nothing to charge them with save for their word. Shiloh,” she called the younger woman over, “we know now that the Children chose you specifically. We don’t know why the Institute is involved, but I think our next step is to see Mother Isolde personally.” Nora then ordered the scribes to finish up with the facility.

Shiloh didn’t say a word as they burned it to the ground.

-0-

Maxson and Quinlan met Nora in Maxson’s quarters. The three sat at the table, sipping whiskey as Nora explained what occurred at the facility. She finished with noting that Shiloh had silently retired to her room.

“This isn’t my area of expertise, but I think Knight-Commander Cade should evaluate her again,” Quinlan spoke.

Nora nodded, “Maybe, but for now she’s been through enough. We should let her sleep.”

Maxson looked rougher than usual; he’d been woken from a restless sleep for this meeting, “What are you suggesting we do next?”

“The Children don’t respond kindly to the Brotherhood, but they know me and they know the peace I’ve brokered between them and Far Harbor. This may be a different group from the north, but compassion towards the Children is not something commonly seen and they would have heard of me by now. I will need to speak to Mother Isolde personally.”

Maxson frowned, still not able to understand why a dangerous group of irradiated lunatics would deserve compassion. He’d heard enough stories of their zealots spraying innocents with irradiated water. And if they were responsible for what happened to Shiloh...he would hold nothing in his heart for them. He was gripping his glass tightly again, a bad habit.

Nora noticed, picking up on his body language as she spoke carefully about her plans for the mission. Maxson was stewing in his rage, but paid her full attention as she quoted the amount of fusion cores needed for the trip there and back.

Quinlan, bored with jargon that involved physical labor, excused himself. This created a problem for Maxson, because the veil of commander and subordinates immediately lifted when he left. Nora relaxed slightly in her chair, but her face was less passive than before. Maxson lifted a finger in warning to her, “If you’re about to suggest-”

“I’m about to suggest two things you won’t like, but they are going to happen. In spite of your feelings, she has to go with me.”

“You’re bringing her to certain death.”

“She wants to go.”

“I won’t allow it.”

Nora sighed in frustration, completely ignoring Maxson’s command over her, “Arthur, listen to me. Please.”

She’d begged him to listen before. And he’d listened that time too. “Go on.”

“I need to know the nature of your relationship with her.”

Maxson’s eyes snapped up immediately, “Where did this come from?”

“I don’t know. There’s something with you two that neither of you will give me a direct answer to. Whether it’s my business or not isn’t the case. You must understand that she wants to go. She needs to find answers and if I can’t protect her from them, nobody can.”

“The Brotherhood can protect her.”

“No, Arthur, _you_ can’t. Their methods are non-traditional and you can’t keep her on this airship forever. They will hunt her for her entire life.”

He knew she was speaking the truth. Nora had a way with words. She reminded him of Sarah. If he hadn’t met her as her commanding officer, they might have been friends. But the Brotherhood and the situation with Danse always hung over them. “You’re asking me to sign off on her death. I can’t…” he grew frustrated with his own hesitation, “I can’t do that.”

Nora’s eyes were searching him and he broke eye contact, refusing to put a name to whatever was stirring in his chest. Unfortunately, she did. “Do you love her, Arthur?”

He didn’t focus on her use of his name. He didn’t focus on her at all. He was trying with every fiber of his being to _not_ focus on his conversation. “It’s been a long time.” A quiet settled over them as Nora continued staring a hole into him. He tossed back another shot of whiskey, clearing his throat. “When are you going to ask about Danse?”

Nora looked surprised, as if every private conversation they’d ever had didn’t turn to Danse at some point. Since her promotion to sentinel, she’d openly ignored his order that they would never speak of his former soldier. “I wasn’t sure you’d ever entertain the idea.”

“I’m not fond of entertaining either of these ideas. You’ve already asked me to send Shiloh to the Glowing Sea. I don’t know how much worse you could make it.”

“All three times I went to the Glowing Sea for Virgil, it nearly killed me. I am doing this for her. She’s the only person in this world who knows what I’ve been through and she’s lost. She doesn’t know where she stands with you and her father is dead. I can help her. I _will_ help her. But it might kill her. If she meets just _one_ person who knew her and cared about her from her past life, it might help her hold on.”

She was giving him an out, he knew. She wanted him to say that _he_ could be that person for her. But Maxson wasn’t sure he wanted to be that person. She might look like she walked out of his memories every time he saw her, but he was a stranger to her. And he was her Elder. No, he wouldn’t take the opening she was giving him. “You want _it_ to be that person for her?”

Nora frowned at his choice of words. “She should at least know _he’s_ alive.”

“That information could ruin my entire career. I knew that when I spared it, to keep your allegiance. However, I don’t know how much I can just trust others with that information.”

“That’s your choice to make, Arthur, I won’t force you either way. But she will come with me, if I know her at all. With or without your approval. You decide if you trust her enough to give her this.”

Maxson stood, turning to face the Brotherhood flag above his terminal, “Sarah trusted her till the end. She never betrayed that.” He continued looking at the flag for a long time while Nora sat quietly behind him.

“You said it’s been a long time. Was that your only answer for my question?”

Maxson didn’t ignore her, but he chose not to answer. Instead, he turned to the woman who would hold Shiloh’s life in her hands, “Take her to Sanctuary before the Glowing Sea. Bring her back alive, Sentinel.”

Nora nodded, her eyes light, “Of course, Arthur.”

Arthur didn’t let up his glare, “Bring her back alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I don't want to involve too many original characters, the Children of Atom characters that are non-canon are kept vague and nameless if possible. Same will go for the upcoming Institute characters. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	7. Nora's Mechanic

When Nora approached her about the Glowing Sea, she'd immediately said yes. Nora had told her about Maxson’s reservations, but the need for answers quelled the fear in her gut. She’d never been to such an irradiated zone before, but Nora had. They agreed to use power armor for the trip and Shiloh had just finished an uncomfortable fitting with Ingram when she sat down to have dinner with Haylen. Rhys was on a mission, leaving the two women to talk a little more openly.

“I respect Nora, you know. She tried, she _really_ tried to save him. But orders were orders.” Shiloh stared at Haylen, but the scribe had said all she wanted to say on the matter.

Shiloh was beginning to respect Nora, too. That was, until they were actually on the trip in their standard-issue Brotherhood power armor. Nora had insisted she have her mechanic look at their armor before they headed to the Glowing Sea. Ingram was amazing, she’d said, but her mechanic was the only one she trusted to work on her stuff before such a harrowing trip.

During the entire trip, Nora had shown her pushy side. This is where the differences in the two women came up. Shiloh was more reserved and logical, while Nora was an open book and would read people like they were, too. Shiloh didn’t want to be an open book, but Nora was giving her no choice. In particular, Nora kept asking about Maxson. It began as asking how they’d met. Shiloh told her the story of stumbling upon a shy little boy in the Citadel. The more she’d participated in Brotherhood operations, the more she got to know him. He’d follow her around while she told him stories of her travels, but she was truly only close to Sarah. And Danse, somewhat, but Nora didn’t need to know that.

It was when Nora asked about recent events that Shiloh began irritated. Shiloh slumped her shoulders, tired from the power armor and tired from the questions. “Nora, I don’t know anything about him.”

Nora paused, “You didn't talk after you woke up at all?”

“No, he’s my commanding officer, Nora, we can’t exactly be friends. I don’t even think he wants that.”

“What do you mean?” Nora pressed.

Shiloh conceded, “He hates me. The only mission he’s ever been on with me ended in that scar. He hated me for that. He hated me for fighting with Sarah all the time. He hated me for leaving. Then he hated me for dying. Tell me, how do you approach someone who’s not only your extremely intimidating Elder, but is one whose emotional baggage you caused?”

Nora crossed her arms, “How would I approach that? I would talk to him. I would at least try.”

Shiloh turned away, “I just don’t have it in me to face his wrath. It’s better if we stay away from each other. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She was running away like a coward and she knew it, but Nora didn’t bother her with questions for the rest of the trip.

Sanctuary Hills was bigger than she expected. A lot bigger than she expected. It was practically a whole new Diamond City. The little neighborhood was fortified with walls, guard posts, turrets, and had a river surrounding the settlement. Inside, there were stores and workshops as well as a bustling night life as the farmers relaxed for the evening.

The settlers watched warily as they approached until Nora showed her face and they relaxed. Shiloh knew Brotherhood soldiers were strictly forbidden from any Minutemen settlements. She couldn’t blame the simple farmers for wanting life away from an intimidating military presence. When they disengaged from the armor by a workshop, Nora met up with a tall man in overalls and a stylish pompadour. Shiloh absently wondered what Butch would think about his hair.

“Shiloh, this is Sturges. We talked about him in the cryo facility.”

Shiloh shook his hand politely, “Your information went to good use.”

He gave her a dazzling smile, removing his work gloves, “Glad to be of service.”

“Are you going to be preparing our armor for the trip?”

Sturges looked confused for a moment before Nora clarified, “No, I’ve got another mechanic for the power armor.”

Understanding lit up in Sturges’s eyes, “He’s in Workshop 2.”

Nora nodded in thanks before leading Shiloh away to a workshop deeper into the settlement. Shiloh was unprepared for the scrutiny of various farm workers, wondering who the hell she was. If she could help it, she would give them no answers. They weaved in and out of the small crowds before they reached the lit-up building. It looked a little homier than she’d expected, like it served as a home as well as a workshop. Nora seemed on edge, which in turn made Shiloh on edge.

Things clarified instantly when the mechanic turned to them and Shiloh was face to face with a dead man. He hadn’t spoken a word up to this point, still as silent as ever unless the situation required otherwise. Nora opened her mouth to speak, but remained silent as she looked between the two.

Now, Shiloh wasn't a big crier. That didn’t change as her eyes filled with tears, but she allowed herself to let out a choked sob, “Knight Danse,” then she was hugging him tightly, every bone in her body aching for familiarity.

Nora watched with a small smile as Danse stiffened before awkwardly hugging her back, a little choked up himself, “It’s...just Danse now.”

-0-

The three of them sat around the cooking fire on Danse’s broken old driveway. He chose to discuss the logistics of what power armor mods Nora and Shiloh would need while Shiloh watched him intensely. She could tell she was making him uncomfortable and she was waiting for him to make the first move when the frustration overwhelmed her, “Tell me,” she looked at Danse and Nora, “tell me.”

“Okay,” Nora began gently, understanding that Shiloh had had enough. “Danse is my...we’re together, Shiloh. Is that alright?”

Shiloh looked bewildered, “What? Of course that’s alright. I want to know why he’s alive!” She spoke a little loudly, making Nora and Danse cringe.

Danse chose to answer her now, “I could say the same for you, Paladin,” Shiloh noted that he chose to address her like he was still in the Brotherhood, “A lot has changed while you were gone. A lot.”

“I know that part, Danse. Trust me, the Brotherhood now is...strange and new to me.”

“Is it unwelcome?” She knew what he was asking. _Is Maxson unwelcome?_

“I don’t know. I still don’t know how I stand with him...them…” she trailed off lamely. The ruse was up, Danse knew way too much about her to hide from.

“Christ, where to begin I-” he thought about his words for a moment, “I’m a synth. We’ve been to a doctor who recognized me from the Railroad. My memories before Rivet City were fabricated. I wasn’t meant to be an infiltration into the Brotherhood. I was just…drawn to them,” he looked longingly out at the stars, “Nora saved me from myself when I found out. And Arthur chose to spare me.”

“I didn’t think he would be capable of such compassion.”

“It wasn’t compassion. Nora was too valuable to lose over a synth.”

Nora snorted, looking at the cooking fire, “It was compassion. Whatever he says, he loved you. And he knew you loved him. You were brothers and more than just in arms. Killing you would have destroyed him.”

“Nonetheless,” Danse looked a little emotional at Nora’s words, “I am dead to him. But I owe him my life. He’s risked his career over it.”

Nora chose this moment to look at Shiloh, “Will you talk to Danse about him?”

Shiloh squinted at her, “Is this why you let me meet him?”

“Maxson let you meet him, let me clarify that, but no it is not. I know you needed this. You both did. And Maxson deserves to have someone else know he has some semblance of a soul left.”

Danse protested, “He’s not as cold as you think, Nora, he was just doing his job. The eradication of the synths is not just a part of his job, it’s his entire reason for being in the Commonwealth. He couldn’t just allow a synth to openly serve in the Brotherhood and not expect the western elders to cast him down, Maxson bloodline or not. There are certain things they do not forgive.”

Shiloh blinked, eyes misty again, “Does he hate me, Danse?”

She was surprised at how frankly he said his next words, “Quite the contrary. I think he loved you the moment he met you.” Shiloh stared openly, not sure what to do with that information. Danse flushed immediately, realizing the implication of his words. “A-as a person, of course. I don’t know about...well…” he trailed off.

Nora looked amused at the exchange. She slapped Danse’s arm playfully and the former soldier gave her a sheepish grin. Shiloh would have appreciated the sweet scene if she weren’t so struck by Danse’s words, “He was thirteen, Danse…”

Danse thought about that for a moment, “Do you still think of him as thirteen?”

She thought about that night alone in her quarters where she thought of how handsome he was, “No.”

“Precisely.”

“But he’s my commanding officer.”

“Precisely. That’s your problem there.”

“Danse,” Nora warned, “that doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does when he’s _the Elder_ , Nora.”

Nora pondered that, “Well it doesn’t have to be a problem. There aren’t solid rules. It’s just highly suggested fraternization keep between the elders and sentinels only.”

Shiloh blushed red, “Alright, alright aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves? I haven’t even talked to him yet.” Danse and Nora turned to Shiloh, both quiet in thought.

Danse chose to reply to her, “He’s not going to make the first move. You have to do that. As much as I know you’re not the type. You’re like me, logic over emotion. But Nora and Arthur are bleeding hearts, as much as Arthur wishes he wasn’t.” It hurt Shiloh’s chest how fondly Danse spoke of Maxson when Maxson ordered him dead.

But it was Maxson who had also given him life. The implications confused her. A deeper part of her was filled with relief that Maxson was Arthur somewhere beneath his skin.

Nora suddenly kissed Danse’s cheek. Both Shiloh and Danse reddened. “I’m going to bed. See you two later.” She slipped into the house, leaving the two paladins alone.

Shiloh didn’t know what to say now. What could she say? Nora was going into the fray with her. For her. Potentially never to come back. The idea scared and guilted her. Danse broke her thoughts, “I see that storm in your eyes, soldier. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty that I was loved and sacrificed for. There are days I still struggle with my thoughts. Nora is taking a huge risk for you and I couldn’t support her more if I tried. This is going to help her as much as it will help you. It took a long time to understand it, but she’s survived this world by helping people. So I don’t want you to go into this with a clouded mind. Speaking of, I think you and I need to talk about Arthur.”

Shiloh couldn’t hold his stare for long, “Before you ask, I don’t know how I feel. I just don’t know him.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don't know…” she sighed, “I don’t know anything at the moment.’

“I feel...strange talking about him when he’s not here. Not that he’s given me the choice. But let me start at the beginning. He changed after the deathclaw attack.”

“He didn’t know how reckless I am during missions and he wasn’t prepared for it.”

“Precisely. A teenage boy never would have imagined seeing his hero as so...human I suppose. You were reckless. And maybe he did blame you afterwards, but let me clarify that he made the choice to run after you. I know you could have handled it yourself, but he didn’t know that.”

“The deathclaw cornered him before he could even find me. It was a mistake to let him come along. I should have gone alone.”

“Maybe, but it wasn’t your choice either. No chance in hell would Sarah have allowed you to venture near a deathclaw nesting ground alone. Stealth was...never your strong suit. However, she clearly miscalculated Arthur's fight or flight response.”

Shiloh liked how relaxed Danse sounded. The years changed him. He was the same age she was supposed to be. When she’d met him they’d instantly clicked. Something about soldiers fascinated her. It’s what drew her to Sarah and the Brotherhood in general. Back then, he was much more uptight, drawn into himself in an effort to prove his loyalty and worth, but now she was looking at the man Danse was and not the soldier. Synth components aside, Danse was a human. “What about when Sarah died?”

He approached the topic tactfully, like he did everything in his life, “It wrecked him. He was angry for a long time. Killing The Shepherd might have helped, but he was still alone at the end of the day. After you and Sarah, he openly rejected companionship and it made him the man he is. He’s always cared, but there remains a cold distance between him and his soldiers.”

Guilt crawled up her spine, “See, this is what Nora doesn’t understand.”

“I know, Shiloh, I know. But she means well. Her philosophy has always been that life is too short in the wasteland to not throw yourself to the fray. If she hadn’t laid her feelings at my feet I would have been stuck in the clouds forever.”

Shiloh smiled slightly at Danse’s words, “I’m glad you found each other.”

“I am too. He needs a friend and he would kill me all over again if he knew I ever told you that.”

“Understood. I’ll consider approaching him. If not for me, for you and Nora. I just...need to sort myself out.”

“You’ve always been flighty,” Shiloh bristled, “I mean that fondly of course. If I wasn’t so preoccupied with the Brotherhood you and I might have been closer friends. I’m glad we got to see each other now.”

Shiloh gave him a watery smile, “This isn’t the last time we see each other.”

“It very well might be,” Danse stood and brushed off his pants, “but that reminds me I have power armor to begin modernizing for your trip. For now I’ll retire for the evening.” He bid her farewell and Shiloh quietly left his house, heading for the motel room Nora’d set up for her.

Across the street from the little motel was a large deck area made of wood and sheet metal that housed a restaurant and a bar. Some farmers remained drinking at the counter, joined by an armed group that meant the changing of the guard for the evening. Against her better judgement, Shiloh ordered a glass of vodka and sat at a booth in the corner. She swirled the clear liquid in her glass, never one for alcohol, but she wanted something different than an overly sweet Nuka Cola. She was interrupted from brooding about her life choices when one of the guards loudly dropped his gun from his hands upon seeing her.

She looked up, faced with a man on the skinny side in a shredded duster and a strange military cap. He was decorated head to toe in bullets. She raised an eyebrow at his stunned expression. “Hey MacCready, you gonna stare at the girl all night or what?” The bartender called, laughing at his face.

Shiloh straightened, “Mac?” The man flushed before quickly sitting in the chair across from her, still not speaking. “Okay you’re freaking me out.”

He finally spoke, clearing his throat, “Me? What the fu- hell are you doing alive?!”

Shiloh cringed, “It’s a long story.” But his stare made her tell him anyways. In return, he told her his.

He whistled, leaning back in the chair, “Man I could really use a cigarette. Trying to quit for Duncan.”

“It’s...a lot of information.”

“Yeah, well, nine years is a long time.”

Shiloh drank a little more of the vodka, grimacing at the taste, “I was gonna come for you, you know. You were only fifteen when I...well…”

“Yeah, that would have been a hell of a lot better than joining the Gunners, but things change. If you’d carried my sorry ass out on your adventures I never would have met up again with Lucy.”

She remembered Lucy. A motherly little girl. She was glad Lucy had the opportunity to have her own child before the wasteland took her, “God, poor thing…”

“Yeah…” there was a profound sadness in his eyes. Shiloh hadn’t expected the mouthy little boy to grow up to be a man not afraid to show his emotions. “The Capital Wasteland...I’m heading back there soon. It’s been long enough without Duncan. We sold the farm just before I left to help fund my trip up here and he has friends in Rivet City I could never take him away from anyways. Nora helped me contact them and Harkness is always looking for more security personnel.” She thought of Harkness not for the first time since she’d woken up. Age difference was no matter in the wasteland and after choosing to save him they’d been...something...an almost, a maybe. But it had been too many years and she hoped he’d moved on. MacCready saw the longing in her eyes. “What’s up, mungo?”

She wrinkled her nose, “Ugh, don’t call me that. If I hadn’t convinced you to let me past those walls we wouldn't be having this conversation."

He smiled crookedly, “Always dodging the hard questions, aren’t you? Hey,” he leaned forward a little, “why don’t you come with me?”

Shiloh blinked silently at him, “What?”

“The Brotherhood isn’t your style. You’re hailed as a hero in D.C., but your legacy is to wander around saving people. Whether you may like that or not. You don’t belong with a bunch of egomaniacs. I saw what Liberty Prime did when I was a kid and I watched what Liberty Prime did here. They’re dangerous. Nora was...I don’t fully understand why she helped them, but I stood by her side when she did. She gave them a weapon. What says they don’t turn Prime against the people they start to disagree with?”

Shiloh supposed he had a point. Prime scared her, in a way. He was a relic of the old world, a weapon used by the people who created the wasteland. And in her path to get her son, Nora helped them rebuild him. But Shiloh had helped with Prime in the first place. The blood was on her hands, too. More importantly, MacCready was giving her a way out. An option she hadn’t had before to find a place without the Brotherhood. As a companion to MacCready on his journey back to their homeland. She could see Harkness again, even Butch and all the people she’d helped…

“I can’t, Mac,” her own words surpised her.

MacCready, for his part, didn’t look offended. He took a swig of the beer he’d ordered. “It’s been many years but I don’t forget those who helped me. I’ll support your decision but know you’ll always have a place in Rivet City if you need to escape those people.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she grinned, reaching over and tipping the brim of his hat back slightly. He swatted her hand away, laughing. They continued talking through the evening, sharing stories like old friends. He told her about his adventures with Nora and she told him how she was beginning to fit in with Maxson’s Brotherhood.

He hugged her tightly when they parted, catching her off guard. She’d hugged him back of course. It comforted her to know that he didn’t hate her for disappearing. With all he’d been through, she truly wished him the best.

-0-

It was only two days later that Danse had the power armor ready. It felt heavier with the lead lining, but it was worth the extra protection. Shiloh allowed Nora and Danse a moment of privacy before they departed. Danse, all business, shook her hand.

“Remember what I said about Maxson.”

Shiloh nodded and Nora bid him farewell, waving to the various farm workers as they left. Shiloh spotted MacCready in the crowd and gave him a small smile before putting on her helmet. They left the settlement with a weight off their shoulders, though Shiloh sensed the worst was ahead of them.

She had no idea that her trip to the Glowing Sea would change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing the relationship between MacCready and the Lone Wanderer. With Shiloh, it's platonic but I've explored romance in a fic called Perception, if you're interested. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	8. The Glowing Sea

Radstorms were a constant in the south-west. Once they were past the Mass Fusion Disposal Site, the air tasted sour and electricity buzzed around them. They couldn’t properly tell the time of day here. Nora told her that it would take six hours to reach the crater by foot. Shiloh already felt like she was melting in the heavy lead power armor. Answers aside, she really wasn’t sure about this.

But Nora had done this before. She assured her that the journey was worse than the destination and that it would be over sooner than she thought. Shiloh really didn’t know if that was true. “Be careful,” Nora told her as the reached the edge of the barren land, “the radiation out here can warp your mind.”

They slowly made their way into the Glowing Sea, with naught but radscorpions to meet them. The quiet was deafening; Nora didn’t trust the area to openly play the radio. Not that Shiloh particularly minded. Nora had told her he was a nice enough guy, but she couldn’t stand Travis Lonely-Miles repeating the same wasteland news over and over again. At least the songs were nice, but they were replaced by the buzzing radstorms during their trek.

Many hours and another dose of rad-x later, they passed the sad remnants of a Pentecostal church surrounded in radiation-wet, broken ground. Nora steered them away from the area, claiming it was a hive for feral ghouls. Their power armor was invaluable here. They were able to destroy any bloatflies with ease and the radscorpions who landed a blow barely dented their armor. Shiloh silently thanked Danse for his handiwork every time a stinger barely scratched the paint on her chestplate.

Lead-lined armor aside, the radiation was at insane levels here. The unwelcome taste in the air was enough to make Shiloh feel sick. Nora had barely commented on it the whole trip. She was uncharacteristically quiet, but Shiloh didn’t want to bother her with questions. However, Nora’s demeanor changed as soon as they crossed the mountainous path to the crater.

“Listen,” the older woman turned to her, “let me do the talking. Please. We’re on their turf here and I can’t predict them. Mother Isolde has been tolerant with me before. That’s all I have to go on.”

Shiloh nodded, “I’ll follow your lead.”

The crater was more populated than either woman had expected. While the sad shells of people Shiloh was more familiar with were worshiping near the crater’s liquid middle, Mother Isolde stood beneath a shack built overlooking the area. She was surrounded by unfamiliar armored troops, to Nora’s surprise.

“Brotherhood,” Mother Isolde appeared from the shack, staring at them with hard eyes, “you are unwelcome here.” The guards behind her readied their guns.

Nora held up her hands, “I am Nora James. We’ve met before on my search for Brian Virgil.”

“His presence is no bother to us. You have done us no favors. And now you appear here in Brotherhood armor. I have no words to speak to you.”

“I come to you as a Child of Atom. I was inducted under Grand Zealot Richter and High Confessor Tektus. Please, I beg of you to speak to me.” Behind Nora, Shiloh stiffened.

Mother Isolde raised an eyebrow, “I was told you mentioned Richtor to one of my zealots. I was also told you refused to give up the Lone Wanderer. Tell me, Child of Atom, how can we trust you when you appear on holy ground in Brotherhood armor?”

Before Nora spoke, Shiloh did, “Because she brought me to you.” To Nora’s horror, Shiloh immediately exited the power armor. Her senses had dulled a little from exposure, but she felt the crackle of radiation in the air as she stepped towards Mother Isolde.

Nora held up a hand towards her, “Shiloh-”

“The Child of Atom has brought me to you.” Shiloh ignored Nora’s protest and spoke to the Mother. Her guards had their weapons lifted now, prepared to down Shiloh if she took a step closer. One guard approached, perhaps to hold Shiloh back from stepping closer. She quickly head butted him as he grabbed at her. He reeled back, nose broken from the exchange. Shiloh felt a small trickle of blood from cutting open her forehead on his nose, but she stared defiantly at the Mother. Nora was holding her breath, waiting for retaliation, but the Child of Atom retreated to the shack, bleeding and cursing. No others moved towards them.

Mother Isolde looked almost amused, “We’ve had many visions of you, Lone Wanderer. I must say I’m surprised you would speak to me face to face. You’ve defied Atom’s will multiple times now.”

“I’ve come here for answers. One of your followers handed me to someone instead of dealing with me himself.”

Mother Isolde’s eyes were sharp, “What stops my men from shooting you instead of giving you answers?”

Nore interjected, “because High Confessor Tektus has proclaimed that Atom calls for peace. I have given your people, _our_ people, peace in the north. I have brought her here as both a Child and a Brotherhood soldier to broker peace once again.” Nora’s confidence was shaky at best, but her words captured Mother Isolde’s attention. The women looked at each other, momentarily ignoring Shiloh.

Shiloh took another step forward, prompting a guard to aim his gun directly at her head. She ignored the threat, only looking at Mother Isolde. The older woman spoke to Nora, “We’ve heard of this peace agreement. Word travels fast among the Children. You can promise that the Brotherhood will stay out of our territory?”

“I’ve already spoke to the Elder. Your crater has nothing for them. They’ve raided the bomb shelters already. They have no interest in coming to the Glowing Sea.”

Mother Isolde looked thoughtful, “I will speak to Brother Griffith privately. You will stay here in the meantime. _You_ ,” she pointed to Shiloh, “remain out of the armor. Atom has willed it many times to kill you. You are now on his holy ground. If he desires you to succumb to the radiation while we speak, then we will know how this conversation ends.”

Nora protested, “Shiloh get back in your armor.”

Shiloh stood her ground, “No.”

“That’s an order, Paladin.”

She turned to Mother Isolde, “I will remain here.”

“Defying Atom, defying the Children, and defying your Brotherhood. Seems you do better alone.” Mother Isolde retreated to her shack to speak to a man in the back. They couldn’t hear the words exchanged. Nora continued glaring through her helmet, but she was ignored by the younger woman.

Shiloh’s breathing was heavy and she began to sweat by the time Mother Isolde exited the shack, “The radiation seeps off of your bones. Let’s hope it stays there. I’ve spoken to the others and they agree with Confessor Tektus’s interpretation. Brother Griffith has also heard of your actions in the north, Sole Survivor. For the price of peace we will let you both leave here alive. And because the radiation hasn’t taken you, I will answer your questions. Though you will be disappointed to find that most of your answers lie with one of your own.”

Shiloh straightened despite the heaviness in her bones, “What?”

“I was given a full report on what my zealots did with you many years ago. Brother Griffith, in fact, was one of them. I will have you know that you will get no retaliation against them. They were to give you as Atom willed it. I would have had you suffer. I would have had the radiation wash over you and melt you from the inside. But Atom willed a worse punishment, something we did not have the means to provide. The Institute did and we discussed handing you over to them for experimentation. They were trying to find the secret to how we withstand the radiation. We already told them many times it was Atom’s will but they continued their ways; living underground and not fearing Atom. The slow radiation torture they were to subject you to was a more satisfying punishment than we could give you. That experimentation is the reason I suspect you’re still alive before me now.”

“One of my own, you said one of my own has the answers.” Shiloh’s mouth felt dry.

“One of your soldiers. A man with the knight rank led you to us. He can answer your questions, if you can find him. Now,” she turned her back on them, “it is Atom’s will you survive your visit here. But you both must pass the test of his holy ground. We will take your supplies. May Atom’s mercy be upon you, Child of Atom, Lone Wanderer.”

She retreated back into her shack as the soldiers took their packs by gun point. Nora fought them at first, but power armor was only so strong and she was facing soldiers in the dozens. “You’re giving us a death sentence!” she called towards Mother Isolde, but no reply came.

Shiloh silently climbed back into her power armor. Its heaviness was more prominent now and she felt no relief from the radiation when their rad-away was now in the Childrens’ hands. The two women climbed uphill silently away from the crater. The silence was tense, with neither of them in the right mind to continue it any longer.

Nora whirled on Shiloh, anger prominent in her tone, “You said you would follow my lead. You ignored a direct order.”

“I don’t follow orders from a Child of Atom!” Shiloh snarled, “You’re one of them. You came to broker peace with the people who ruined my life and you brought me to them like bait. They could have just shot me right then and there.”

“My actions in the north prevented the detonation of another nuclear bomb. I had to join them to save lives. That was my plan. I haven’t endangered you more than you’ve endangered yourself by leaving your armor in the crater of a nuclear blast. Do you have no self-preservation?”

“You’re judging my actions when they were the only reason I got answers. What is your method of self-preservation? Join up with every faction you come across? You’re with the Brotherhood when you don’t care at all about them. Danse mentioned the Railroad, are you with the Railroad? Tell me, what have you done to preserve yourself? That,” Shiloh jabbed a finger back towards the crater, “that was my self-preservation back there. Those answers were all I have. You don’t understand because you have a family and you have people that love you. You don’t understand my desperation. And I don’t understand where your fucking loyalty lies!”

Nora was yelling something back at her, ferocity in her voice and a shaking in her actions. Shiloh would have paid more attention if the growling hadn’t distracted her. Nora was still screaming when Shiloh shrieked her name, silencing her. Shiloh’s breath was still heavy when she twisted around, searching for the source of the noise. Nora heard it now too, silently scanning the distance.

Through her blurry vision, Shiloh spotted the glowing alpha deathclaw approaching them through the haze of the Glowing Sea. She glanced quickly at Nora. Nora, who was loved by so many people. Nora, who was loved by Danse. Who came to the Glowing Sea to find answers for her. She moved quicker than she expected her own body to manage under high radiation stress. Nora yelled after her as she went right for the deathclaw as it charged.

“Shoot it!” Shiloh managed as the animal hit her, bashing a heavy arm against her chest plate. The power armor let out an alarm that rang in her ears, letting her know that both the leg parts were breaking under the weight of the animal. Shiloh distantly heard the sound of laser fire and the deathclaw’s shriek as it struck it.

Before the creature could lunge at Nora, Shiloh grabbed at its arms with all her might. It turned its attention back to her, yanking its arms free. It smashed the armor on Shiloh’s shoulder, satisfied with her choked gasp. Just as it looked up, Nora released a storm of laser shots right into its skull. The assault on the injured animal did the trick, as it fell with a thud directly onto Shiloh’s body.

It’s full weight caused her to gasp and struggle as the chest plates of her armor caved in, suffocating her. Nora scrambled towards the bodies, roughly shoving the corpse off Shiloh after a moment of struggling. She quickly fretted over the younger woman, holding Shiloh’s helmet between her hands.

“Can you hear me?”

“I…” Shiloh gasped, “yes.”

“Shit, shit, I don’t have any stimpacks,” Nora roughly kicked the dead deathclaw before fretting again over Shiloh, “listen to me, stay with me. Can you get up?”

Shiloh shakily turned over, her chest screaming in pain, “Fuck…”

“We have no choice, we’ve got to get you out of here. Stay with me,” she helped Shiloh to her feet despite her protesting and screaming in pain, “don’t speak. Focus on your breathing.”

Nora slung Shiloh’s good arm over hers, half-carrying her in the direction they came from hours before. Three or four times, Nora had to roughly shake her awake. It was hard for her to breathe and her brain couldn’t focus on anything with all the radiation sickness. Nora was constantly tuning her radio to the Brotherhood’s frequency, cursing as the radstorm kept it out of range until they finally, _finally_ , came to the edge and the sky cleared. Nora gingerly laid her on the ground, guarding her as she radioed her mayday to the Boston airport.

Shiloh distantly heard Nora talking to someone, tears in her voice as she struggled with the words. Without the other woman’s jolting her awake, Shiloh’s body gave in to the sleep overwhelming her.

-0-

The vertibird landed to find two unconscious vault dwellers. Nora collapsed from exhaustion after confirming her location to the Boston airport. They relayed the mayday to the Prydwen, where the order for the nearest vertibird to find them was executed.

The vertibird with Haylen on board was unleashing hell fire onto a group of super mutants when they received the call. All soldiers save for the scribe were noticeably annoyed at having to do a pick up until they came upon the scene. A knight was able to rouse Nora and she weakly climbed into the vertibird only to pass out again. Haylen was called over to assist with the other woman.

Shiloh had to be released from the metal trap that once was her power armor. The knights carried the broken pieces and frame into the vertibird as Haylen examined the damage on Shiloh’s body. She was alive, but her breathing was labored and she was clearly suffering the effects of radiation sickness. She only mumbled incoherently when Haylen tried to ask her if she knew her own name.

Haylen administered rad-away through an IV in Shiloh’s arm and they transferred her damaged body to a stretcher. The scribe hoped that the flight wasn’t too rough with how bruised Shiloh’s body was. They tried to ask Nora what had happened, but she was out cold from exhaustion and mild radiation sickness. Both women would need to be seen by Cade immediately. They charted the fastest route to the Prydwen.

Haylen coaxed Nora out of the power armor and briefly examined the barely-conscious woman. Luckily, Nora wasn’t damaged physically and would make a full recovery after much rest and rad-away. Shiloh...Haylen wasn’t so sure. Her head was bleeding, her shoulder looked dislocated, and her torso was heavily bruised, possibly broken in a few places. Her breathing was heavy, but steady enough that she might get away without a punctured lung. Haylen could only tell so much.

If she weren’t in the field, she might have cried at the scene of two women she admired looking so broken. But Haylen’s resolve was the only hope they had of making this flight and she knew that Nora would need to be calmed when she woke up. She was no Danse, or Rhys, but she could be strong for these women despite her fears and her worries.

Haylen tended to them, feeling relief wash over her when she saw the Prydwen. Cade was with the team that helped Shiloh and Nora off the vertibird. He looked overwhelmed as he approached Haylen, “I need all the help I can get with this one.” He nodded towards Shiloh’s unconscious state.

Haylen nodded, “Anything you need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mother Isolde always gave me the impression that she was hiding something. I've chosen to conclude in this story that it's a zealot army. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	9. Representing the Brotherhood

Maxson couldn’t be angry with Nora. Not when she’d technically brought Shiloh back. Granted, she brought her back half-dead, but technicalities didn’t matter here. Through miracle work done by Knight-Captain Cade and more stimpaks than he’d normally recommend for anybody, Shiloh was alive.

Both Nora and Maxson sat facing each other in his quarters. The silence was deafening, but both of them were far too exhausted to break it. In the past weeks, Maxson spent more nights drinking and smoking than sleeping. Nora was still slowly recovery from the radiation sickness. She was already anxious to get off the Prydwen, but couldn’t until she was cleared by Cade. Something told Maxson that Nora didn’t want to leave until Shiloh woke up, anyways.

In a slightly drunken haze, Maxson had visited Shiloh. She was put up in Danse’s old room by Nora’s request. Nora refused to sleep in the room since it had been assigned to her. The older woman took Shiloh’s old room happily. Facing Shiloh for the first time since the trip, Maxson felt sick. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything; he wasn’t sure where to even begin. It was almost harder to speak to her now when she wasn’t awake to judge him.

Cade had given him some semblance of mercy and didn’t comment on his visit, but Nora was ruthless, “You finally saw her.”

He wanted to ignore her, but her stare was deafening, “Yes, Sentinel, I did.”

Nora tucked a lock of brown hair behind her ear, “Are you going to torture Ripson?”

“Quinlan is interrogating him. The man isn’t capable of torture, not that I would allow it. He’s a Brotherhood soldier until solid information tells us otherwise. Besides, torture has proven to be an ineffective interrogation practice.” Ripson was down in a back warehouse, flown in from the Capital Wasteland as soon as Nora was able to relay Mother Isolde’s information to Maxson.

“The information we got was pretty solid. Shiloh nearly killed herself over it,” the bitterness was evident in Nora’s tone as she sipped from her whiskey.

Maxson sat back, “You really think I should step in?”

“God, Arthur,” Nora looked exhausted, “she threw herself in front of a deathclaw after telling me nobody loves her. She needs someone and I can’t be that for her.”

Maybe Maxson was a little inebriated again, because his mouth moved before he thought better of it, “And you think I can?”

Nora looked slightly surprised, “I don’t know. I don’t think she even knows. Cade said she’s going to recover thanks to the power armor. Maybe some sensitivity in her ribs and shoulder. If I were the type to do a little too much jet, I would say the wasteland won’t let that girl die. I’m sticking around for the time being. I want answers from Ripson as much as she will when she wakes up. But after this,” Nora stood and placed her hand on the table, “I’m done with the Brotherhood.”

Maxson sighed, craving a cigarette but not willing to smoke in his room with the poor ventilation, “You stayed longer than I had expected, I suppose.”

“She and I will have a long conversation when she wakes up, but I’m doing this for her,” Nora turned back to him before opening the door, “you should visit her again. As her Elder or not, that’s your choice.”

He was glad she left then, because he didn’t have a reply to that.

-0-

Shiloh dreamed of her father again. His voice was the first thing she ever remembered. So many aspects, good and bad, in her life, were because of her father. She crawled across the wasteland to find him. Then she crawled back to finish his work. Then Sarah came to her in her dream, all toughness with gentle undertones. Something clenched in Shiloh’s stomach when she saw her old friend. Sarah was disappointed in her. She watched as Sarah’s face faded when she woke up.

Letting out a cough that stung her ribs, Shiloh struggled to turn over in the bed. She didn’t see Nora in the room until the other woman was at her bedside, pressing her back onto the mattress, “Shh, don’t move. You’re still recovering.”

“From the deathclaw,” Shiloh rasped, staring up at the ceiling.

Nora placed a cool hand on her arm, sitting at her bedside, “We need to talk.”

Shiloh swallowed thickly, “The things I said-”

“I’m not dwelling on things you said when you were heavily irradiated. I know you were scared. I was scared, too,” Nora grabbed Shiloh’s hands in hers, “I promised Arthur I would get you out of there alive and you nearly got yourself killed. That’s what I’m dwelling on.”

Shiloh sat up shakily, “You’re a Child of Atom.”

“I’m a lot of things, and I’ve joined quite a few factions in the name of peace. And so far, I’ve achieved it. Without my intervention, there would have been another nuclear detonation up north. And it was my ace in the hole with Mother Isolde and you know what? It _worked_. Without that she wouldn’t have spoken to us at all. We might have been shot on sight. I want you to know one thing,” Nora leaned closer to her, “I am not loyal to factions. I’m loyal to _people_.”

Shiloh held her gaze, “I'm sorry I disobeyed your order. But I won’t apologize for removing my power armor and I won’t apologize for taking that deathclaw. You shouldn’t be risking your life for me. And I learned that when I saw all the people that look up to you, all the people that love you. You came out of that vault and you became a _hero_. You thrived in the wasteland. You’re the champion on the Commonwealth. You _saved_ Danse. If it was you or me, I would do it again.” Her eyes were teary and she wiped at them angrily. “I’m so tired of crying.”

“We don’t have to play by this world’s rules, Shiloh. It doesn’t have to be you or me. We’ve survived this far and we will continue to do so. I have some information for you, but I don’t know if I can trust you with it. I can’t be responsible for you endangering yourself again. I refuse to ever be a part of you throwing your life away.”

Shiloh stared at the wall in what she realized was Danse’s old room, “Running into danger has always been my style. I can’t change who I am.”

“This is the problem, I’m not asking you to change who you are. I’m asking you to realize that you have value. That you mean something to people.”

“Maybe the Lone Wanderer does…” Shiloh didn’t avert her gaze from the wall, even when the door was opened to reveal Cade and, to everyone’s surprise, Elder Maxson. Maxson approached her, ignoring the tense atmosphere.

“Paladin, we’ve had Knight Ripson apprehended at the Boston Airport for some time. He’s revealed quite a wealth of information to us. When you are able, I am giving you the opportunity to see him.”

Shiloh held his gaze silently, even as Nora and Cade openly protested Shiloh getting out of bed. Neither Maxson nor Shiloh acknowledged the noise in the room, still staring at each other. She nodded, understanding what he was giving to her. A strange stirring in her stomach overwhelmed her as Maxson turned and left without a word. Cade frowned, crossing his arms before administering another stimpak into Shiloh’s ribs and leaving. Nora scowled at the closed door, only relaxing when she saw Shiloh staring almost longingly at it.

“Will you help me to the flight deck?” Shiloh asked quietly.

Nora frowned, but helped her stand from the bed, “I don’t approve of this. And my words still stand. I won’t be responsible for you endangering your own life. But Maxson’s willing to give you this by taking that risk. Don’t let either of us down.” Shiloh didn’t reply as she clung to Nora’s arm. They boarded the vertibird to a back warehouse in the Boston airport.

Ripson, physically, looked fine, but he was especially tense upon seeing Shiloh. Nora stood in the corner while Shiloh slowly sat across from him, still slightly cringing at her bruised ribs. Ripson visibly paled the longer the two women stared at him, “I already told Maxson everything.”

“Now you get to tell _me_ everything.” Shiloh snarled. Nora tensed slightly, prepared to intervene if the exchange got physical.

“I needed the money. The Brotherhood takes everything from people like me in exchange for _what?_ Food and board? That isn’t enough to get by in this world. I was offered a way out and I took it. It wasn’t exactly an easy choice for me and I got punished in the end, too. I may have screwed up, but I’m on your side now.”

“You knew where the supplies were in the facility. You took us right to them.”

“Because I was the one who put them there. It didn’t go down like you think it did. You-  _we_ weren’t supposed to be frozen like that for years. I didn’t know the Children of Atom were involved until they ambushed us. I thought it was just going to be the Institute. They knocked us out with some kind of gas and Davies was shot down like a dog for fighting back. When they put you all in the pods, the rules were clear; you were only supposed to be frozen for a couple of months and transported to the Institute as soon as Father gave the order. That crazy bastard wanted to continue Vault-Tec’s cryogenic research and _you_ ,” he pointed at Nora, “weren’t enough of a test subject for him. He was intrigued by the Lone Wanderer and the scientists in the facility were looking for a way to match the Childrens’ ability to withstand radiation. So he hired me to grab you and freeze you for his pet experiments. All because you survived activating the purifier.”

“I nearly killed me, he had to have known I wasn’t radiation resistant.”

“Maybe, but you survived more rads than anyone the Brotherhood’s ever known besides Sarah. It was easier to get you to come up north with misinformation than the actual Elder of the Brotherhood. Father could have answered your questions better, but the Brotherhood blew him sky high before we woke up. Listen,” he leaned forward in his seat, making Shiloh lean away from him in disgust, “I gave Maxson all the information I knew about the Institute scientists operating above ground. Names and all. Most of them are probably dead. But I didn’t do it for you. I did what I had to do to survive and my only regret is trusting those fucks not to throw me in for experimentation. To keep quiet or something, I don’t know, but revenge is all I got now and I’ll be damned if the Brotherhood executes me before taking out all those fuckers that wronged me. Just like you feel about me. I see that look in your eyes. Anderson would feel it too if she wasn’t too busy sobbing over the kid she didn’t get to see grow up in her little settlement. I told her not to come, but she couldn't pass up the opportunity to travel with a  _hero._ ”

Ripson jolted back when Shiloh jumped out of her seat at him, swiftly punching him in the face. Nora grabbed at her before she could get another punch in. With her free hand, Nora banged her fist on the door and two Brotherhood soldiers in combat armor held Ripson down as Nora escorted Shiloh out of the room.

“That rotten bastard,” Shiloh cursed, kicking at the sand. They stood on the beach near the airport, watched carefully by guards and a roaming Liberty Prime, “that rotten bastard!”

“Even when he’s dead, he’s still causing misery I can’t fix.” Nora ran a hand through her hair, sitting on the beach as Shiloh continued pacing.

“No,” Shiloh stopped directly at Nora, “what Father did has no bearing on you and don’t you _ever_ forget that. We were both just experiments gone wrong. I let my anger at Sarah and my need to get away guide me directly into a trap. I should have known how much I pissed off the Children after Megaton and the purifier. I should have _known_.”

“Children aside, how could you have known he was looking to cure radiation sickness? The Institute was such a distant threat to the Capital Wasteland a decade ago. We still have thousands of files from the Institute alone that we haven’t analyzed yet. Finding details on the research could take years.” Nora grew weary, emotionally strained from the mention of Father. Shiloh wasn't completely sure why Father had such an effect on her.

“I don’t know where we go from here,” Shiloh gestured to Liberty Prime as it trudged along, “we don’t have an enemy to point him at.”

“It’s not our job to know what to do next,” Nora stood up to look at the Prydwen, “it’s Maxson’s.”

-0-

Maxson was in full Elder mode when they arrived on the command deck. Shiloh and Nora watched from afar as he ordered team leaders on where to take their squads. All hands were on deck, crowding the usually open space. Quinlan was holding a map, presumably one with all the old locations of Institute scientists. Shiloh wasn’t sure how valuable information from nine years ago really was, but Maxson was treating it seriously.

Cade’s jaw clenched in disapproval when he saw Shiloh out of bed, but he didn’t speak as Maxson began handing out orders to different knights. Nora sighed, smiling a little as she shrugged at Cade. She turned to Shiloh, “It’s a lot to really see him as a tactician, hm?”

“He’s certainly brilliant,” Shiloh blinked, not even balking at Nora’s surprised smile.

Finally, Maxson motioned the two women over when the room was cleared, “Paladin Carver, Sentinel James and I have something to propose to you.” Shiloh looked between the two suspiciously, “We have discussed the decision to shift Sentinel James to a more passive role in the Brotherhood. She feels her duties as General of the Minutemen interferes her ability to represent the Brotherhood in the Commonwealth. She is willing to assist the Brotherhood as the General and provide Minutemen resources for our search for the scientists. However, this leaves me in the position to find a Sentinel to help head this project from the Brotherhood side.”

Shiloh paled, eyes immediately on Maxson. She had so many questions. Had this been the plan all along? She felt maybe Nora would have told her if that was the case. Perhaps it was the plan since the Glowing Sea. Nora on her part didn’t look surprised. Shioh looked at Maxson again. His face gave nothing away, a skill he was excellent at. She wondered what it would mean if she said yes. Briefly, she thought about what Nora and Danse had argued over in Sanctuary Hills. Was this a formality? Was he offering this to her because she was the Lone Wanderer? Or was this a peace offering, an olive branch?

She thought about how she’d chosen the Brotherhood over leaving with MacCready. She thought about how Owyn Lyons had sentinel and Sarah never got the chance to have one. Maxson didn’t have anyone on this airship with that kind of camaraderie. He was choosing her.

Despite her reservations, she wanted to give Maxson this. He was willing to pour every resource he had into finding out who kidnapped her. With a finality, she gave him the Brotherhood salute, “I accept, Elder Maxson.”

-0-

When Maxson retreated to his quarters, he was exhausted. He hadn’t had to order all his teams at once since the sacking of the Institute two years ago. Usually he left the managing to the proctors and only the paladins and star paladins reported directly to him. He needed a cigarette again and considered retreating to the open deck to smoke when his terminal indicated a communication coming in.

Knowing exactly who it was, Maxson sighed. He signaled for the call to come through the terminal. Before he could get a word in, Giovanna Moretti was yelling at him again.

“It’s been weeks, Arthur. The western elders have been hounding me for information. You said you would take care of this.”

“I _am_ ,” he rubbed his eyes in frustration, “I’ve hardly had the time to sleep, let alone give them your news.”

“It’s just as much your news. My parents sent me to this dilapidated old building for _you_ , so _you_ should be the one to tell them the marriage is off.”

“I understand, Giovanna, though I don’t understand why you won’t bother trying to make it work.”

Giovanna sighed through the crackling connection, “I'm not in love with you, Arthur. I don’t care if they think I’d be perfect for your bloodline or something equally as disgusting as that. I’ve been trapped here for years and as soon as you return, I’m going to Chicago.”

Maxson sighed. His relationship with Giovanna Moretti had always been rocky at best. They worked well on a physical level, enough that the thought of continuing the Maxson bloodline with her wasn’t too deplorable, but they couldn’t find it in themselves to have a deeper connection than that. Arthur was willing to make it work, but Giovanna was always a freer spirit than him. She’d fallen in love, had her heart broken, and vowed to move west all while Arthur had been in the Commonwealth. He couldn’t very well stop her. Though they wouldn't really consider each other friends, he cared about her happiness and had long accepted that it wouldn’t be with him. Still, breaking the news to the western elders was an ordeal he wasn’t ready to deal with at the moment.

“I promise I’ll tell them soon.”

“I’m trusting you. And I won’t keep you. God knows there was never much talking between us.” Maxson smiled bitterly at her implication.

“Of course, goodnight.”

“Bye, Arthur,” it sounded more final than it should have. He noted to himself that he would honor his promise to her. Her life had been turned upside down all for his cause, after all. Even if he hadn’t wanted it in the first place.

He turned off the terminal and removed his jacket, laying it across a chair. As he began to unzip his flightsuit, a knock was heard at the door. Expecting Cade or Quinlan, he didn’t bother getting re-dressed and simply kept the upper portion of the fatigues down around his waist below his white shirt.

He was about to dismiss whatever news they had for him till the morning when, to his surprise, he was face to face with a flustered-looking Shiloh. “Can I come in?”

He considered his options. He considered the implications. But she was his Sentinel and they could make this work. He could try to make this work.

He held the door open for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! Between half-undressed Maxson and his flustered new Sentinel. What could go wrong? Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	10. Vault-Tec Failsafes

To say Maxson was surprised was an understatement. The last thing he expected was his newly minted Sentinel to approach his private quarters at near midnight. He motioned for her to sit at his table and she did, also accepting his offering of bourbon.

He knew she wasn’t much of a drinker, but he made the offer anyways in case she wanted the liquid courage. He certainly needed it. He sat at the head of the table, slumping slightly in his seat in exhaustion. The atmosphere was completely unlike the relaxed camaraderie of Nora or the stoic professionalism of Kells. No, there was too much history and certainly too much tension for it to be anything but stifling.

He raised an eyebrow when she took a deep drink from the glass. She grimaced at the taste despite its sweetness, clearing her throat before looking at him. He said nothing in reply. He’d made his move by promoting her. The choice was hers now.

She played with the half-empty glass in her fingers, “Permission to speak freely?”

“Every Sentinel under the Eastern Brotherhood has had that permission granted with their Elder.” It wasn’t really an answer, and he hadn’t meant to come off so strongly, but his discomfort was clear.

Shiloh frowned, slightly losing what courage she’d had before, “I’m already fucking this up.”

He remembered. He remembered how hard these things were for her. He thought of all the times she’d clammed up while telling him about one of her adventures. When the details became too difficult for her to elaborate without breaking down. She’d glossed over the facts, despite his curiosity. He remembered the moments her fights with Sarah would die down and the Elder would comfort her.

There was no Sarah to comfort her now. Knowing full well it might be a bad idea, he reached a gloved hand over and gently took the glass from her. His hand grazed hers slightly and he noticed her fingers twitching to touch his. He moved the glasses to the middle of the table, eyes focused on them as Shiloh gathered her bearings.

She was blushing when he spoke to her, “Sentinel, relax.”

Shiloh took a deep breath, steeling herself again, “Did you really kill the super mutant that killed Sarah?”

He would have thought she’d pick a safer subject than Sarah. Let alone Sarah’s death. Not shying away from this question, he replied, “His name was The Shepherd. He didn’t just kill Sarah, all of Lyons Pride went down with her. And yes, I killed him.”

“Good,” he saw the hardness in Shiloh’s eyes as she thought of how her friend’s life must have ended. Maxson didn’t like to think about that too much, “I miss her. Everyday, the biggest loss I mourn, the biggest thing that the Institute and the Children robbed from me, was her.”

“It’s strange to see you mourning her after years of watching her mourn you. This world has a terrible sense of humor.” He grabbed the bourbon and poured another glass for himself.

“Have you been sleeping, Maxson?” Her question surprised him a little.

He raised his eyebrows, “Do I look tired, Sentinel?”

“Well, it’s my job to concern myself with my Elder’s health.”

He squirmed a little at her words. _My Elder._ The way she almost cheekily said his title woke something strange and primal deep inside him. He was even more uncomfortable than before, “Is that why you ask?”

She absently played with a lock of her hair, “Something like that.”

Neither of them were willing to provide any straight answers. This wasn’t going anything like he’d planned or wanted. He couldn’t even call it power play when neither of them knew how they stood with each other, “The Capital Wasteland is going to be different when you get back.”

She straightened in her seat, “Has it changed so much in nine years?”

“I haven’t been there in two, but from both my experience and my reports there are a lot of changes.”

“I’ll have lots of exploring to do,” she tapped her bottom lip absently. It distracted him a little.

“Perhaps,” he stood to grab something from his desk. “Here, you might be interested in this.” He placed the Wasteland Survival Guide on the table in front of her. She picked it up, flipping through it curiously.

“Moira’s handiwork. I crawled to Megaton with three dog bites and radiation poisoning for this book. It turned out...pretty bad the first time. Not all my information was accurate or helpful. I hope the re-write was worth it.”

“Apparently this version of the manuals litter the countryside, so your efforts certainly weren’t in vain.” He grimaced at the thought of Shiloh, younger than he is now, crawling across a barren wasteland in excruciating pain all for some trader’s research. He reached for a stack of paperwork, pulling out and unfolding a map of the Capital Wasteland across the table, “If you’re curious about the changes…”

She leaned much closer to him and over the map, curious, "What's changed the most?”

He leaned over the map as well, more comfortable with this line of questioning, “There have been major developments in the Citadel. We’ve restored power to most of it and have further fortified the walls and the area surrounding. Settlements have popped up all over. Along with Rivet City and Megaton, Big Town has become a major trading hub. It’s grown at least thrice its size. Caravan activity in the area has increased tenfold. In the past few years alone, the area has developed immensely.”

Shiloh smiled, a genuine look of happiness lit her face, “That’s great news. I can’t wait to see it in person.”

“As soon as our business with these scientists is done, we will leave the Commonwealth. I wasn’t born in the Capital Wasteland, but it is my home. And there is still much work to do.”

Shiloh glanced at him, still smiling, “Of course, sir,” Maxson frowned again, looking uncomfortable. Shiloh’s brows furrowed, “What?”

“I-” he cleared his throat, not able to give in to the temptation to have her call him by his name. He wasn’t sure he could take that, right now.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No,” he blatantly lied.

She slumped her shoulders a little, growing slightly distant, “Despite everything, I think we know each other better than that.”

There it was. _Despite everything_. There stood quite a bit of _everything_ between them. “Do we?”

Shiloh gave him a sad smile, “I suppose you know me better than I know you.”

It was true, in a way. And it maddened him sometimes. On top of the buried abandonment issues and the weight of a military organization on his shoulders, he had his own personal issues with how much he knew her. She was reckless and combative and distrustful, but she had to walk back into his life looking exactly the same as she did when she left it. It was a sick, twisted version of the things he fantasized about as a teenager.

Her, doe-eyes and willpower actually seeing him as a man. How often had he desired this opportunity when he was younger? He was bolder in his fantasies, taking all that pent up frustration and grabbing her into a searing kiss. It hadn’t been like that with Sarah. Sarah had been a boyhood crush. What he’d felt for the Lone Wanderer was a strange mix of spite and desire. While he hated her for her for how reckless she was with her own life, he also wanted to touch her and card his fingers through her hair. He had looked forward to the day that he would be an adult to her. Only he hadn’t taken into account that he would possibly be her Elder.

He must be inebriated. Or simply delusional from lack of sleep. Shiloh noticed him spacing out and he must have looked deep in thought, because she seemed to regret snapping him back to reality, “You look exhausted, Maxson. I should let you sleep.”

 _Maxson_. He could deal with that one. It felt better than being called _sir_ by her like he hadn’t just been fantasizing over her like a schoolboy, “Yes, I have an early day tomorrow."

Shiloh smiled, “You always have an early day.”

He felt a ghost of a smile on his lips, “Keep the manual and the map. Gives you something to look forward to after we finish with the Commonwealth.”

Shiloh stood, gathering the items gently like they were precious to her. He wandered how much she would study the map and the writing he’d made on it. He rubbed his eyes as she quietly let herself out, not saying a word. She left him with a hopeful smile.

Though it still wasn’t clear what she wanted or what was between them, Maxson felt a little more relaxed. It felt like an important first step. They were both adults. They both changed. He would have to re-learn her as a person and not just as who he fantasized about. Most importantly, she would have to learn who he was as a man and not a boy. He didn’t know what she wanted to see from him, but he had nothing to hide from her.

She was a sentinel now, his only one now that Nora would be taking her leave of the Brotherhood. He owed the woman that much and didn’t mind at all working with her as an ally rather than his subordinate. Nora and Maxson had seen each other as means to an end from the beginning and it was a mutual understanding that she had no place in the military empire he was building.

It would take time, but he wanted the Lone Wanderer to once again be the center of Brotherhood operations in the East. No matter what she wanted or even knew, she was a hero to the Capital Wasteland and her role would be vital to winning the hearts and minds of the people. Maxson knew that they saw him as an extension of the brutal western elders. He couldn’t make the people trust the Brotherhood. But Shiloh could. At the end of the day, he would need to figure out if that was something she really wanted. For now, he told himself it was.

-0-

Shiloh sat in the rather spacious bedroom on the bed that had once been Danse’s. She considered bringing up the former paladin to Maxson, but the subject was sensitive and she wasn’t completely sure Maxson would even acknowledge Danse was alive with her. He’d gone out on a limb just allowing Nora to reunite them. She feared angering or making him uncomfortable by bringing the subject up with him directly.

She sat up in the bed and unfolded the map gently. Across the geography of the Capital Wasteland, she noted all the little red markings Maxson had made. Some of it was scribbled out, but she admired the ones that stood out in bold and underline. Big Town had certainly grown in her absence. Little Lamplight didn’t exist on the map. Vault 101 was noted as a minor trading hub, to Shiloh’s surprise. Last she’d known, Amata was still unsure about interacting with the outside world since she’d taken over as Overseer. Settlements she didn’t recognize littered the map, with various names and size indicators. The Brotherhood had certainly been busy. Shiloh hoped they weren’t bullying the settlements into providing supplies. That had been a suggestion she’d loudly protested when it was brought up to Sarah.

She suddenly longed for the homeland she’d taken for granted. It had only been months since she’d woken up, but she left the Capital Wasteland without looking back. She didn’t want the moniker of a hero they placed on her and she wanted to be free and explore like the Brotherhood and everyone else let her do before she’d officially joined their ranks. Sarah wanted to monitor her, something she’d recoiled from considering she’d handled herself perfectly fine before they’d met outside GNR Plaza.

When she’d met Sarah, she was wide-eyed and delirious from a diet of nothing but dirty water and buffout tablets. Maybe she didn’t have the best methods, but she still survived so far without Sarah’s intervention.

Shiloh lifted her head from the map when her pip-boy began to itch her wrist. Grabbing a screwdriver, she maneuvered the latch open to massage her wrist. She’d spent more of her life wearing the damned thing than not, but it still could bother her wrist with its dull weight.

She left the open Pip-Boy in her lap, focusing on her wrist for a few moments. When she lifted it again, she paused. Quinlan had searched the software multiple times for bugs or viruses and found nothing. She didn’t consider the possibility that there was something different with the hardware. Pip-Boy 3000As were known to explode if forced off, enough that they would kill both the wearer and the tamperer. But knowing that her captors were Institute scientists, the possibility was there that they could have gotten it off her without detonating it.

She exited her room, quiet in the early morning hour, and padded to the main deck where all the workshops were. She hoped she wasn’t too loud, but the Prydwen’s open metal halls heard every noise that came from the main deck.

Shiloh laid the open pip-boy on the workbench. She grabbed a tool box and began unscrewing the plastic components, careful not to damage the screen at all. A Brotherhood soldier in fatigues groggily entered the large room, looking to work on his power armor, when he saw Shiloh at the workbench. He visibly blushed, seeing Shiloh in nothing but half-pulled down Brotherhood fatigues and a plain gray shirt. She ignored him, fixated on not messing with the wiring too much.

“Sentinel,” the man acknowledged her before his interest peaked and he peered over to look at her project. He jumped slightly when he saw the dismantled pip-boy, leaving the room immediately. Shiloh rolled her eyes, knowing she was about to have someone breathing down her neck about this, but she continued messing with the wires.

To her surprise, it was Proctor Ingram who entered the area. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Probably because she hadn’t. She didn’t bother with title and rank, looking far too exasperated with Shiloh at the moment, “Are you dismantling a bomb on my airship?”

Shiloh grimaced, looking up from her work, “If you want to look at it that way…”

“Half the Brotherhood is looking at it that way. You’re about to have Kells fuming at you for endangering his crew.”

Setting the screwdriver down a little roughly, Shiloh turned to Ingram, “Have some faith in me. I could recite the pip-boy manual to you backwards. It was required in the vault. I wouldn’t just let them strap a bomb to me for years without knowing anything about it.” She grabbed the small microchip she’d pulled from the motherboard, holding it up to Ingram, “I’m about to make this mission a lot easier.”

Ingram blinked at the chip, taking it gently in her hands, “This looks strange, maybe pre-War. I haven’t seen anything like this.”

“I haven’t either. Which means it isn’t Vault-Tec.” Kells picked this moment to enter the room, Maxson in tow.

“Ma’am. With all due respect, what kind of-”

Maxson cut Kells off, “Lancer-Captain, people only use that term when they’re about to be insubordinate.” He turned to Shiloh, looking disheveled. Even his usually pristine jacket was wrinkled, “Explain, Sentinel.”

Shiloh took back the microchip from Ingram, handing it to Maxson. “They didn’t bug my Pip-Boy. And this can’t be a tracking or listening device. Vault-Tec installed failsafes on most frequencies. It would have blown the second they tried to install it. But this has to be something. This isn’t in any of the pip-boy manuals.”

Maxson turned to one of the Brotherhood soldiers flanking him, “Get Quinlan.”

-0-

Proctor Ingram assisted Quinlan in installing the chip on a spare terminal. They made sure it was wiped of Brotherhood information before the experiment. Nothing came of their findings until Quinlan used a decryption program and a network scan on it. They found that the chip ran on a private frequency. It ran similar to the Classical radio station that the Institute used.

Shiloh followed as Ingram boarded the vertibird to the airport. She and a crew of soldiers dusted off the technology used to transport Nora into the Institute. “Now that I know the frequency, I can use it to get a location. Or at least where it’s coming from.”

Tracing her fingers across the dulled metal of the beam, Shiloh pondered, “Why not teleport me there?”

Ingram looked uncomfortable, “That would be Maxson’s call.”

“You think he would tell me no.”

“I think he was out of options sending Nora.”

“We don’t have many now.”

“Let’s just…slow down before you throw yourself into the fire fight. Nothing happens until Maxson says it does. As soon as I get some semblance of a location, I’ll report my findings.” Both women turned immediately when Liberty Prime shot a blast of lasers at a group of mirelurk hunters on the distant beach.

Shiloh frowned, watching him continue on like nothing happened. He ignored the pile of corpses left behind him. Bloatflies hovered nearby, waiting for the fresh meat. All was quiet for now, but Shiloh’s eyes scanned the distance. The scientists could be anywhere in the Commonwealth. Hell, they could be outside the Commonwealth. Her nails dug into her arms as she crossed them. Her pip-boy reflected the setting sun.

Call it a hunch after experiencing so much, but Shiloh knew something was wrong. Something big was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since some pip-boys canonically explode when pried off, I figured that vault dwellers were taught extensively about the inner workings of them to prevent any unhappy accidents. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	11. The Hospital

Shiloh sat on the crude gurney in Cade’s office, swinging her legs as she waited for the stimpak he was preparing at his desk. She grimaced when he displayed the needle to her, prepared to poke her aching shoulder. It had been bothering her since returning from the Glowing Sea. While she was unconscious, her shoulder had to be reset from the weight the animal placed on it when it attacked her.

“There,” Cade leaned back when he finished, “you should feel a better range of movement after that. I would say you’re fully cleared for the field, so long as you don’t go throwing yourself into anymore deathclaws.”

“Don’t plan on it.” It wasn’t her first deathclaw. Hell, it wasn’t her _tenth_ deathclaw. But she wouldn’t repeat that traumatizing experience for the world. She may have a habit of throwing her life away, but that didn’t mean she desired being mauled to death. She awkwardly hopped off the gurney, rolling her shoulder now that it didn’t hurt so much. Instead of pulling it back up over her white shirt, she tied the arms of her flight suit around her waist and messed with the settings of her Pip-Boy as she headed back to the flight deck.

It was beginning to rain outside. The regular kind. The weather made the vertibird flight to the airport rockier than usual. Shiloh exited the vehicle on shaky legs with a queasy stomach. Ingram grinned when she saw her, “You look a little green.”

Groaning, Shiloh ignored her nerves, “How’s the frequency search coming?”

Ingram looked less amused now, “It’s frustrating working with technology you don’t understand. I can’t tell if the frequency is changing or if it’s just on a level I can’t pinpoint. I won’t bore you with the technicalities, but all I can tell you is that this feels distinctly Institute. The scan on the microchip detected some kind of frequency for sure. And whatever it is, it’s packing a big punch. There’s a lot of power involved here. A high level of technology. But I can’t give you a location. Not yet.”

Shiloh crossed her arms, “For now I guess we can only focus on Ripson’s information. There are still quite a few hideouts in the Commonwealth we haven’t searched. Mostly because they’re feral ghoul and super mutant hives.”

“I can see that look in your eye. If you’re going to go flying across the wasteland at least take some soldiers in power armor with you.”

“I just think it would save on manpower and supplies if I just took them out on my own. Super mutants, feral ghouls, raiders, I’ve destroyed entire fortresses of them on my own.” Shiloh pointed at Ingram, “And that’s not bragging. Just facts.”

Ingram rolled her eyes, but she still held a grin, “Whatever you say, showoff. But if you think Maxson’s going to let his sentinel dive head-first into a nest of monsters you’re delusional.”

Shiloh chose this moment to grow shy. She played with a buckle on her flight suit instead of looking at Ingram directly. When she looked back up again, Ingram was staring at her with an eyebrow raised. She was half-turned away from her task, now focused on Shiloh’s reaction. After a moment of silence, Ingram’s eyes widened. Shiloh clenched her fists in defense, “Ingram-”

“Oh boy.”

“Don’t-”

“You thought you could hide that from me?” Ingram placed her hands on her power armored hips, still wearing an unreadable expression.

Shiloh felt her face redden, “No there’s- there’s nothing to hide. Can you…” She rubbed her face in exasperation. “Can we talk about something else?”

“After how much shit you gave me about Sarah all those years ago, I’m not dropping this. We’ll talk later. For now, find some knight in the best armor in the airport for your crazy journey.” Ingram seemed to give no shit about title and rank with Shiloh. Not that Shiloh had given her much pity when she’d been crushing on Elder Sarah Lyons so many years ago. Shiloh regretted her past actions now that the tables were turned on her. Not that she...not that this strange situation with Maxson was the same at all. Shiloh simply wanted to get to know him. Re-learn him as a person. And her new rank provided them both this opportunity. Nothing else to it.

Shiloh still felt clammy as she started an itinerary for her trip in the dining hall. She was scribbling on a piece of paper in her messy handwriting when Haylen sat down across from her. Shiloh noticed that, out of all the knights and standard Brotherhood members, only Haylen and Rhys ever approached her. Everyone else seemed to look at her strange and some of the squires seemed to downright hate her. She hadn’t thought children disliked her _that_ much. Shiloh wasn’t sure if it was her as a person or her rank as Sentinel. But everyone had loved Nora. She probably just couldn’t measure up to the Minutemen General.

Shiloh glared at the paper, writing another list of supplies a little more roughly. Haylen noticed her dark mood, spoon halfway to her mouth, “Rough day?”

“Can you tell me why everyone here stares at me when I’m not looking?”

Haylen shied away a little, “I suppose it’s because so many of us are from the Capital Wasteland. And you’re the Lone Wanderer. People just don’t know what to expect of you. There are so many legends and stories, half of which sound impossible.”

Shiloh glanced over at another table in the room, noticing the knights quickly avert their eyes. “I suppose I haven’t bothered clearing anything up…”

“Well you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell them anything.” Haylen continued eating what Shiloh thought might be chopped up tatos, “They’re your stories. It’s enough that you did all those crazy things. You didn’t ask to be placed on a pedestal.”

Shiloh smiled gently, setting her pen down, “Thank you. For saying that.” She glanced back at her list, having written no names down yet. “I feel uncomfortable asking people to come with me on missions. I’m used to working alone.”

“Well you’re the _Lone_ Wanderer for a reason. What kind of mission are you planning, ma’am?”

Shiloh grimaced, “I’m going to head into some of the less desirable hiding spots.”

Haylen blinked in surprise, “You’re voluntarily heading into those places?”

“Er, precisely…”

“You should definitely ask Rhys. Er- excuse me, Paladin Rhys. He always took some sort of enjoyment out of clearing places of monsters. My personal feelings about it aside, he uses it as some sort of stress relief. He might be the better choice to ask. I doubt any scribes would find that sort of task to be interesting.”

“You’re right. I guess I should present my itinerary to Maxson, see if he approves.”

“I always thought sentinels did whatever they wanted as long as they represented the Brotherhood.”

“Sarah Lyons’s philosophy was always that aentinels should at least have the respect to discuss their missions with their Elder. More of a courtesy than anything. I would hope Maxson doesn’t feel too bothered by my asking.”

“Oh I would doubt anything you do would bother him, ma’am.” When Shiloh blinked in confusion at that, Haylen turned red, “S-Sorry, nevermind. Excuse me.” She hurriedly put her tray away and left the dining hall.

Not wanting to chase after the embarrassed scribe, Shiloh took her paper and pen and headed to the command deck. To her surprise, Maxson wasn’t surrounded by knights or discussing something with Kells for once. He was simply staring out the large window, an unlit cigarette in his hand.

Shiloh approached, stopping in the middle of the observation room, “Elder Maxson.”

He turned to her, not surprised to be broken from whatever he was thinking. He put the cigarette he was messing with away, “What is it, Sentinel?”

“I thought you might like to review my itinerary for a mission to one of the local hospitals. It was pointed out by Ripson, but listed as a hotbed for feral ghoul activity.”

“I’m not surprised you want to take on one of these locations, but you don’t need to ask my permission. You’re free to represent the Brotherhood as you please.” So his relationship with his sentinel was more on par with the western elders.

Shiloh straightened a little, “I don’t mean to bother you with this. I just wanted to involve you despite my rank.”

Maxson gave her an almost-smile, “Sarah’s philosophy. It’s no bother, I simply want you to know your options with me. Whatever you need, you may have it.” He took the list she held out to him, staring blankly at it for a bit too long.

“Is something wrong with it?"

He looked up at her, expression blank, “I can’t read this.”

Shiloh took a step closer, taking the list back quickly, “My handwriting isn’t that bad!”

“Sentinel, it’s terrible,” he was pressing her buttons, she knew it. And she blushed just like he wanted.

Shiloh played with the edges of the paper, feeling like _she_ was the younger one of the two, “It’s just a list of supplies. With power armor underlined. Not for me, of course. Ingram wants me to take some knights with me.”

“I would hope you were planning on doing so from the beginning.” He sighed at Shiloh’s guilty expression.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, “I don’t know anyone besides Paladin Rhys who would want to go.”

“It’s not a matter of want.”

“Of course, but it’s easier to have soldiers who thrive in killing huge nests of creatures.”

“I suppose,” he scratched at his beard. Shiloh wondered absently why he wore it so long. It made him look older.

She glanced behind the Elder at the open city skyline, “What were you looking at?”

“I wasn’t looking. I was thinking.” Shiloh blinked at him, silently asking what about. “I’m just anticipating seeing the Capital Wasteland from that window.”

She nodded, “I can’t wait to be home, too. I have so many people to see again. I thought about it and I’m considering seeing Harkness in Rivet City first. It’s not far from the Citadel and it would be nice to see him again.”

“Harkness. I know that name.”

“He’s Head of Security there,” Shiloh broke eye contact with him, “an old friend of mine…”

He picked up on the unspoken language there. She knew he did. But before he could ask, they were interrupted by a star paladin’s appearance on the command deck.

“Find Paladin Rhys and gather your men. I’ll have Tegan prepare supplies for you and you can get with him later.” Maxson looked at the star paladin, “I called for you hours ago.”

Shiloh left as the soldier stammered out his apologies. She headed down to the main deck to find Rhys.

-0-

She tied the bandana around her mouth, just below the goggles covering her eyes. This way, she could still speak while protecting herself from the oncoming gore, “Save ammo whenever you can. The bigger ones can be bullet sponges. Don’t worry about stealth, they can smell us the moment we enter the hospital. Cutting,” Shiloh held up the ripper in her hands, “is better than bashing. No guarantee they’ll stay down unless you cut through them. Most importantly, stay behind me and don’t panic.”

Rhys and the three knights with them nodded in their power armor. Shiloh, of course, chose modified combat armor on top of her flight suit instead. She probably looked more Gunner than soldier in her getup, but how she looked would make no difference to a nest of ferals.

The feral ghouls were different in the Commonwealth. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly how, but they were a little swifter, a little smarter than the roaming corpses in the Capital Wasteland. They were louder here, though, which would make taking them down easier.

It was unlikely that the hospital would house any of the Institute scientists, but it was pointed out by Ripson and would be checked thoroughly regardless. If nothing, there were probably supplies and technology to be salvaged here.

Shiloh only activated the ripper when a feral was directly in sight or, in some close cases, directly on her. A few tried flanking her, but she was able to dispatch them quickly. It only became a problem when they cleared out the lower floors of the hospital. There were more ferals down there than Shiloh had ever seen in one place.

Luckily for her, the soldiers Rhys had picked for her were calm and collected throughout the mission. A large group of them began gathering around the soldiers, separating Shiloh from the rest. She sliced through two or three at once as Rhys did the same, trying to get to her.

They were surprised to hear a sudden distinct growl. From the back of the group, a Glowing One appeared, something Shiloh hadn’t expected or accounted for. Outside of where her combat armor protected, she had little protection from its radiation bursts.

Distracted as she avoided one of its blasts, Shiloh tripped on one of the many feral corpses and went down just as another feral screamed and threw itself on top of her. It snapped its jaws around her jugular, catching its teeth on her jaw as she turned her head. Shiloh struggled to get the ripper that was trapped between them. She couldn’t activate it would risking disemboweling herself along with the feral.

Rhys, seeing the situation getting out of hand, pulled out his laser rifle and began blasting away at the ferals. The Glowing One went down once the others followed his lead. He shot the feral off Shiloh before roughly helping her to her feet.

Shiloh ripped the goggles and bandana off her sweaty face, taking a look at the huge pile of bodies, “Shit.”

“Shit is right, let’s see where it got you.” Rhys examined Shiloh’s face, telling her that the only damage was a few bloody tooth marks along her jaw and neck. They would scar, but the feral hadn’t taken any flesh off her. The group sighed in relief. “Jesus, I hate melee attacks. But we did lose a lot of ammo.”

She sighed, kicking over a feral body, “Might as well see what’s salvageable in here.”

They left the hospital with a large haul of medical supplies and all information from the terminals downloaded onto holotapes for Quinlan. Shiloh even found a stack of technical documents. Nothing indicated the Institute or really anything recent, but there were more medical supplies hidden away in there than usual. It might indicate that the hospital was occupied earlier than 200 years ago, but Shiloh couldn’t say for sure.

It was a few hours till daylight and the group opted for sitting down until sunrise. Their haul was too important to risk traveling at night with. They sat around a campfire. The knights and Rhys were able to stretch outside of their power armors during the break.

Rhys was helping Shiloh apply gauze to her face under the campfire light. She flinched every time he placed a sterilized swab across the tooth marks. Rhys wasn’t the kindest or most patient medic, but he was able to stop her squirming long enough to treat her properly. He offered to inject a stimpak into her face, but she quickly shut down that idea.

“I never congratulated you on your promotion, Paladin,” Shiloh’s voice was slightly slurred under the swelling in her face.

Rhys gave her what might have been a small smile, “I didn’t want a big deal to be made of it. I worked under a man for a long time who taught me that it was an honor to be a Paladin, but not something to let get to your head.”

“You still call him a man?”

Rhys didn’t bother pretending not to know what she was talking about, “Surprised? Part of me...most of me hates him, _it_ , whatever, but Elder Maxson clarified that he didn’t know what he was while he was in the Brotherhood. We went through hell at that police station, lost good soldiers. He held us together, when we thought we were going to give up. So maybe, maybe for just that brief period of time, he was a man.”

Shiloh nodded, wondering how Nora would feel to hear his words. But she knew things between Rhys, Haylen and Nora weren’t the same since Danse was...executed. Rhys seemed to hold no hatred or animosity for Maxson. Shiloh wondered why Danse being a synth had to matter so much. Especially if it was concluded that he wasn’t even aware of it. But that was something she couldn’t bring up to Rhys. She would have to work up the courage to finally speak to Maxson about this.

When daylight came and the group arrived at the Prydwen, they transferred the haul between Cade, Quinlan, and Teagan. Quinlan was pleasantly surprised by the large stack of technical documents from the hospital. Any medical information not useful to Quinlan could be transferred to Cade.

Everyone seemed to ignore the gauze on Shiloh’s jaw and neck until they got to Cade. He peeled it back, commending Rhys’s medical skills, before telling Shiloh it should heal within the week.

When it was time for Shiloh to report to Maxson, he wasn’t on the command deck. Kells spotted her standing around and directed her to the far end of the flight deck. She was surprised to find the Elder smoking by himself. It was early morning and he looked as tired as usual, but his jacket was pristine again. She chose to watch him for a while, just taking in how much he had changed. While this certainly wasn’t the time or place to have a personal talk, Shiloh allowed herself this moment to indulge in the past. He was turned away from her, but she knew about how his eyes looked bruised from lack of sleep. He’d grown so tall and strong. Rigorous training had been as kind to him as it had been punishing. Shiloh was overwhelmed with the urge to comfort him in some way. Which surprised her, considering she wasn’t much of the comforting type. And she wasn’t sure he would want anything to do with that.

He was staring down at Fort Strong when she tentatively approached, “Don’t mind the gauze, had a bit of an incident.”

He sighed, seeming to prepare himself when he turned to her. He continued smoking, despite her presence, “What kind of incident?”

Shiloh found it hard to not buckle under his piercing blue gaze, “A feral ghoul bit me in the face.”

He seemed to soften then. Not quite in posture, but certainly in voice, “Will it scar?”

Shiloh seemed to realize the situation they were in right now and her breath caught in her throat. They both remembered many years ago when Maxson sat in a hospital bed, gauze on his face. Shiloh’s eyes drifted to his scar, wondering if he still blamed her for that deathclaw attack. She suddenly felt a tightening in her chest, “Yes, but not much.”

He must have seen the panic in her face, because he took another drag from his cigarette, “Any success on the mission?”

“Just a lot of medical supplies. Nothing so far, but we’ll know more once Quinlan examines the holotapes.”

“I see,” he seemed deep in thought, not giving her his full attention anymore. His distance fried her nerves and she backed away from his place on the flight deck.

“I’ll go see if Quinlan needs anything.” He didn’t respond to her, still glaring out at Fort Strong.

She gripped the cold metal wall of the hallway once she was back inside the Prydwen. It was the only thing holding her up. _Enough is enough_. There was no way she could go on dancing around these subjects with Maxson. If he was trusting her to be his sentinel, she would have to trust him enough to be honest with him.

She grabbed the map from her quarters, staring at the writing with a new resolve. She would talk to Maxson. If he hated her underneath his professionalism as an Elder, it was best that they finally cleared the air between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think rippers are a really effective melee weapon and if you've played The Pitt DLC, you'll know they hold a sort of significance to the Lone Wanderer. Also unpopular opinion but Rhys is one of my favorite Fallout characters and will be seen more in this story. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	12. Finding The Watchers

Cade peeled off her gauze a week later and was satisfied with the results. He used a stimpak on her neck despite her protests and she headed to her quarters with a grumble.

Stimpaks made her tired and she longed for the quiet of her room when guilt once again raked at her mind. She scrubbed her eyes roughly, careful to avoid her tender face, turning to the door to Maxson’s quarters. They hadn’t spoken since she’d briefed him on her mission to the hospital a week ago. Cade refused to release her to another mission until the tooth marks had fully healed. She didn’t protest too much, knowing full well how horribly infected feral bites could get at a moment’s notice.

She knocked gently on Maxson’s door, not completely sure with what she was doing. Despite that it wasn’t too late in the evening, Maxson clearly hadn’t been expecting anyone. Behind him, the table was littered with paperwork and a glass of what she could easily guess was bourbon. He seemed to prefer it over the constant punch of whiskey.

He let her in and she nervously looked at her intertwined fingers as he closed the door behind her. He had a pen tucked behind his ear, from when he was signing some documents. Shiloh quickly turned to face him, steeling herself for...she wasn’t sure what.

He watched her with crossed arms, expecting her to speak first.

“I-” she swallowed thickly, sounding stupid to herself, “I wanted to-”

“Your face,” Shiloh nearly jumped out of her skin when he reached over and ran his fingers down her jaw, “the scars aren’t so bad.” It was true, they weren’t. All that remained were slight dents across her jaw and upper neck. They were nothing compared to some of her other scars. Still, she was hyper-focused on his hand. Her heart hammered in her chest until his fingers left her face. She wasn’t sure if he was affected at all by his action, but he seemed a little breathless when he spoke again, “You’re here to talk about our conversation a week ago.”

“It wasn’t a conversation. We were just thinking the same thing.” Shiloh ran her fingertips along the folders on the table, still thinking of him touching her face.

“I’m very tired, Sentinel,” Before she could ask if she needed to leave, he interrupted her, “And not from lack of sleep. I’m tired of us not being honest with each other. You’re here to say something,” he crossed his arms again.

She took a breath, “Do you still hate me for your scar?”

There was the question. Danse had given her an answer, but she wanted to hear it from Maxson. If he hated her, she could take it. She told herself she could. Maxson’s mouth quirked slightly, “I used to. When I thought I knew what hate was. One thing I haven’t done since I became Elder was misplace my blame. And I knew from my election that every action I’ve ever made was my own. Your headstrong methods during missions scared me, they still do I hate to admit, but I rushed that deathclaw on my own. I thought I was saving you,” he seemed a little bitter now, stepping away from her.

She took a step towards him to make up for the distance, “Do you still hate the scar itself?”

“It works for me, in a way. They see it as proof that I have seen battle.”

“I hear them murmuring stories about you all the time. They love you.”

“The western elders would prefer they fear me.”

“Which do you prefer?”

Maxson thought about it, gesturing her to sit at the table, “I don’t know, for sure.”

“It’s easier to lose soldiers when you don’t care for them,” Shiloh saw Maxson’s posture grow defensive, but she continued on, “it would have been easier losing Danse.”

“Danse was an Institute synth. He was a danger. He was-”

“He _is_ , Maxson. He _is_.” Shiloh and Maxson made eye contact, hers daring him to correct her.

He didn’t, though he clearly looked irritated, “This is not something to discuss.”

“It’s the biggest thing to discuss. We both knew him for years. You grew up under him. Don’t lie to me and tell me you felt nothing casting him out like that.”

Maxson stood and turned away from her, gripping the edge of his desk until his knuckles grew white, “It doesn’t matter what I felt. He was a danger to not only the Brotherhood, but to the entire mission. I had no choice-” He stopped when he felt her touch his arm gently.

He straightened and turned back, surprised to see her so close, “I know, Maxson. You don’t need to justify it. I know.”

He clenched his jaw and found he couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. His chest hurt just as it did every time he had this discussion with Nora. But unlike Nora, he wasn’t constantly on the defensive here. Because Shiloh knew the kind of sacrifices that needed to be made. Nora would die before she sacrificed someone for a cause. She ignored that Danse chose to sacrifice himself, even if he wanted to live in the end. Shiloh’s hand was still on his arm. She could feel how tense he was. He was breathing a little heavier now, stewing in his anger.

She was standing in front of him now, both hands on his arms. He was glaring at the floor, still not moving much. But he was allowing her to do this. Her thumbs pressed into the muscles of his biceps. They were both silent in thought now, though he felt her eyes on his face as he struggled to speak again. He couldn’t manage higher than a whisper, “I couldn’t sacrifice everything I worked for just because I cared about someone.”

“Of course. Sarah would have made the same decision. I know she would have. But it must have been hard. I talked to him, I’m sure you know. He still cares, so much. And there wasn’t a hint of hatred in his voice. He knew you made the right call.” Maxson sighed, lifting his head to look up at her. He was so close to him now that he could feel her breath. He would only have to lean down slightly to kiss her. But it wasn’t the right moment. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind. The proximity was beginning to overwhelm him again and she could sense it. He had to stop himself from gripping her when she took a step back. “I had a way out, you know.”

“A way out?”

“Someone I knew offered to let me come with them. Without the Brotherhood,” Shiloh saw the confusion in Maxson’s expression, “I chose the Brotherhood. I don’t want you to feel like you trapped me here.”

Maxson frowned, “Who was it?”

Shiloh suddenly grinned, “No way I’m telling you.”

He crossed his arms, “Probably best that you don’t.”

He was surprised when she laughed, “No need to waste manpower hunting my would-be kidnapper down.” He wasn’t very amused, but the knowledge that she turned down the offer warmed him. “Besides, he’s a good friend.”

Maxson was suspicious this good friend had something to do with Nora, but he dropped it for the time being. Shiloh was leaning over his table again, peering at the various stacks of paperwork, “Looks interesting.”

“Easily my least favorite part of my job.” He admitted to himself that he enjoyed having her here. Without the tense atmosphere, she found her place. He could tell she was steeling herself for another difficult subject.

“Do you need me to let you get back to work?”

“Shiloh,” she looked at him as soon as he said her name, “just tell me.”

She was on the other side of the room now, but she approached him again. He hadn’t moved from his position leaning against his desk, “Maxson I’m worried about you. I’ve been worried since before I disappeared.”

He had expected something about Sarah or maybe Danse again. He didn’t think his personal turmoil had that much effect on her, “I’m fine.”

“You’re lying.”

His defenses were fully up, “No reason for you to be concerned.”

“I have every reason to be concerned. More than anyone else on this airship,” She approached him now, just as close as she was before, but she was frowning in determination, “You are lying, Maxson.”

“You’re being insubordinate, Sentinel.”

“Punish me then, Elder.” He ran a hand roughly through his hair to hide his sudden disconfort. She _really_ shouldn’t have said that and his mind _really_ shouldn’t be going there.

He felt his face redden, but he hoped she thought it was anger, “What do you want me to say? That it’s hell being a living prodigy while trying to build a military organization from the ground up? Do you want me to tell you how it felt to see what was left of Sarah after The Shepherd finished with her? Or how it felt to bash his brains in with my hands?” He nearly jumped when her fingers danced on the lapels of his jacket.

“Yes, I want you to tell me everything.” Maxson sighed in frustration. He was feeling conflicted again. While part of him wanted to push her back for pressing him like this, another wanted to see her bent over his desk in nothing but her tight Brotherhood fatigues. But neither of those things happened. Instead, she gently wrapped her arms around his waist, under his jacket. He tensed, not quite reciprocating the hug, but his hands touched her back lightly. Her head was pressed to his chest. He was sure she could feel how quick his heartbeat was at her touching him, “I’m tired too, Maxson.”

Her voice was thick with emotion. He took a breath, “Neither of us have wanted the hands we were dealt with. But we have to focus on the mission. Things will be easier when we leave the Commonwealth.”

“Will they?”

“Yes, they will. We won’t be fighting an invisible enemy. We will be rebuilding our world.”

Shiloh sighed. He felt it vibrate his chest and once again the proximity overwhelmed him. He wasn’t sure when she grew the nerves to touch him, but he didn’t hate it. He couldn’t remember the last time he was ever hugged. She pulled away, gazing at him in a way that unnerved him. She was smiling slightly, eyes shining. She looked beautiful. He swallowed, unable to keep eye contact again. Everytime he looked at her, he was focused on her lips again.

If he chose that moment to kiss her, he had no idea what she would do. And that was enough to keep him at bay. Across from him, she was feeling the same turmoil. Unlike him, she was feeling a little bolder. When she made the decision to just go for it and pay the consequences later, there was a knock at the door.

Shiloh turned toward it, dropping her arms from Maxson. He frowned, not expecting visitors, and opened it to let Quinlan and two squires in. The girl squire was a pre-teen, nearly old enough to be a scribe, and she smiled dreamily at Maxson before shooting an uncomfortable glance at Shiloh. The boy squire ignored them entirely to carry a box of paperwork in behind Quinlan. Quinlan noticed the tension immediately, glancing between Shiloh and Maxson, but wisely didn’t comment on it.

“Elder Maxson, Sentinel Carver, I have some findings from the hospital you might be interested in. Most of the terminals carried impressive medical data that Cade could use, but one from the labs stood out. It contained quite a bit of encrypted data we were able to compare to the data on the microchip from the pip-boy. I won’t know for sure the full encryption until Ingram makes progress with her frequency hunt, but I thought it might encourage us exploring the other infested hospitals noted by the prisoner Ripson.”

Maxson sat at his table, gesturing the squire to set the box down on a chair, “This is good news. And I agree. We should target those hotbeds immediately, if the hospital terminals are running on the same frequency.”

“I’ll go,” Shiloh spoke up. Quinlan glanced between them again when he saw the irritation on Maxson’s face. “Two of the hospitals are occupied by raider gangs. One is by super mutants. Nothing I haven’t faced before.”

“Those raider gangs are the Gunners, whom you haven’t faced one-on-one before. They operate like guerrilla soldiers.” Maxson and Shiloh frowned at each other when he spoke to her.

Quinlan sighed, clear that something was going on but also clear that it wasn’t his business and he wanted nothing to do with it. “I do have some things to discuss with you privately, sir, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course. I’m leaving,” Shiloh straightened and left the room, followed by the squires who helped Quinlan lug in his paperwork.

Maxson sat frustrated in his seat, looking much like a husband who’d just quarrelled with his wife. Quinlan didn’t bring up the implication. “Sir, if I may, I wanted to give you more of this information without...over eager parties involved.”

Maxson rubbed his face, “I understand, Quinlan. Tell me more.”

As the two sorted out their paperwork, Shiloh prepared a new itinerary. This time for three locations. Maxson didn’t receive it till the morning, when Shiloh silently showed it to him while he stood on the command deck with Kells.

Kells noticed the tension, too, but agreed that Shiloh was capable of getting the job done with her team so long as she was provided more ammo than before. Super mutants didn’t go down easily with just melee attacks.

-0-

The two hospitals occupied by Gunners were easy. Maxson was right that they were much better trained than your average raider, but Shiloh had fought Enclave soldiers who were the pinnacle of military training. These guys went down with a bullet in the head just as easily as anyone. Rhys and his team came with her just as before, eager to clear the areas for good.

They camped overnight between hospitals, stretching out of the power armor and taking care of the minor bruises and scrapes. No Gunner had gotten a shot on any of them, though some came close. They opted for taking only medical supplies and loaded holotapes, leaving the various microscopes and scanners for later pick up.

Shiloh was cleaning her .10 mm as a knight stood watch. Rhys was sitting across the campfire from her, reading from a letter. She knew it was from Haylen, the scribe had asked her to proofread it after all, but he wouldn’t embarrass Rhys by bringing it up. Their relationship was in its budding stages, after all. She looked up at the stars, stretching her neck as she thought of her last few conversations with Maxson.

She let her frustration get the best of her again, but he had to know how important this was to her. She couldn’t sit back while three separate teams went at the hospitals when she could do all three in a matter of days with Rhys. The Paladin and his knights were certainly agreeing to the mission.

A knight offered her a cigarette, but she kindly turned it down. She continued cleaning her guns and reloading them in preparation. As she sat back, she allowed herself to nod off a little bit before daylight meant they would take the hospital.

-0-

The super mutants had a behemoth. It threw a boulder that nearly decapitated one of the knights with them. Dodging the super mutant leader’s minigun fire, they hid behind a dilapidated railing on an upper floor above the lobby. With a yell, Rhys ran across the room and did a takedown of the leader while Shiloh aimed for its head. With the minigun out of the firefight, they focused on the behemoth. She switched to her laser rifle and blinded it as it fumbled for another thing to throw at them. It screamed as it clutched at its head while the knights shot its knees out. As it fell, Rhys struggled to his feet and shot it in the back of the head until his laser fire pierced its skull.

The group of them slumped over in exhaustion when the monster went down. The knights seemed alright and Rhys lived through his stunt with the leader with only a bullet in his arm through the power armor plates. He nearly fell over when he exited the armor so Shiloh could examine the wound.

He unzipped and pulled off the top of his flight suit so she could see the wound clearly. Luckily for them the bullet had gone through and she only needed to wrap and sanitize it. He accepted the offer of a stimpak, not trusting the bullets not to be poisoned.

When he climbed back into the armor and put on his helmet, they continued on through the hospital, gathering supplies and information as usual. The biggest surprise was when they reached a secured part of the basement. One of the knights hacked into the terminal and they unlocked the unoccupied area. Nothing came up as they went down the hall save for some skeletons.

The lights flickered on as they entered the secluded lab and Shiloh blinked at the change in her vision. When her eyes adjusted, they widened to see a pristine laboratory that couldn’t have been abandoned for long. The area was cleaner than anything she’d seen outside her father’s lab in Vault 101.

There were at least six terminals in the area, all still working. They downloaded the data off of them, gathered the large hauls of medical supplies, and continued exploring the area while resting for the trip back to the Prydwen.

The group sat in a circle on the floor, eating at the roasted hound meat they’d prepared for the journey the night before. When Shiloh finished, she curiously looked at the terminal nearest a strange mini satellite dish they would be disconnecting and taking with them.

When she powered it on, it displayed a large amount of green text she didn’t understand. She scrolled down the list of choices until one prompted her to enter a location. Glancing at her pip-boy, she entered the coordinates for the facility she was found in.

The terminal took a moment to think before the screen lit up with text. Rhys approached and stood next to her, watching the screen as well. They watched the text stop loading, both focusing on the words: _Watcher Cryotesting Facility 281FB, abandoned 2287 during Father’s recall._

“Watchers. So that’s what the Institute called them,” Rhys broke the silence.

Shiloh glanced to him briefly before glaring back at the screen, “Let’s head back to the Prydwen. Ingram needs this satellite as soon as possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment between Maxson and Shiloh was so tender and a joy to write. The beheamoth part was fun because it reminded me of Bormir from LOTR’s “They have a cave troll.” Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	13. Maxson's

“I don’t understand why my commanding officer has to be hovering in the room while you look at my arm,” Rhys was speaking to Cade, but glowering at Shiloh.

The Sentinel flipped through a medical journal, perched on a free table as she watched the two men at the gurney, “Maybe I just like hearing you whine, Rhys.”

Rhys frowned at her, causing Haylen to stifle a laugh from her place next to Shiloh. The scribe had finished her duties and opted to sit with them in the medbay instead of heading for bed. Cade rolled his eyes, still examining the wound.

“Nicely done, Sentinel. Looks as clean as it’s going to get. Have to say I don’t often treat minigun wounds. You would have been torn like paper if it weren’t for your power armor.”

“That’s one reason to tolerate the damned machinery,” Rhy squirmed as Cade changed the gauze.

Haylen sighed, “Thank god for Ingram’s handiwork. C’mon I’ll walk you to your quarters.”

“It’s just my arm that’s injured,” Rhys whined but allowed Haylen to lead him out of the room.

Shiloh set the medical journal down in her lap, “So my medical work wasn’t too bad?”

“Not at all, I don’t have any doubts in your field knowledge.”

“That makes one of us,” Shilo grimaced, “I never picked up my father’s real knack for caretaking.”

“That’s a high standard to hold yourself to, your father was legendary,” Cade busied himself putting away his supplies. “How have you been holding up?"

Shiloh shrugged, “I’ve been keeping busy. And before you ask yes I’ve talked to Maxson."

“How’s that going?”

“It’s going, I suppose. I don’t know yet.”

“Well I think it’s good for you both. He needs a genuine friend.” Cade placed emphasis on the word _friend_ , something Shiloh noticed but didn’t comment on. That reminded her that Ingram was still expecting a conversation from her. She sighed dejectedly, staring at the wall.

Just then, a girl squire passed by. She looked like she was going to say something to Cade, maybe greet him, but backed away instead when she saw Shiloh. When the girl was back in Quinlan’s office, Shiloh frowned at Cade, “Okay, can you tell me what _that_ is all about.”

Cade looked embarrassed, “It’s not for me to say.”

Shiloh crossed her arms, “I’ll sit on your desk all night. Don’t test me.”

That got a smile from the doctor, “Alright, alright. But you didn’t hear it from me. Some of the squires have certain...feelings for the Elder. Understandably many of them are jealous of your history and relationship with him.”

“But...we’re just-”

“It’s not my business what you are. They just have made it theirs with their infatuation towards Elder Maxson. I wouldn’t take it seriously.”

“I don’t. I just don’t care for animosity.”

“Well you’re the Sentinel. Tell them yourself.”

“I might,” Shiloh tapped her lower lip, wondering if it was even worth the effort.

Later that evening, Shiloh lay in her bed. Just as she began to drift off, there was a light knock at her door. She slipped out of bed, shivering at the coldness of the metal floor on her bare feet.

When she opened it, she was startled to see Maxson standing there. He looked rough himself, like he had been woken recently, “Ingram’s found something. She called for us immediately.”

Shiloh nodded, clutching the blanket tightly around her. She’d be embarrassed if he knew she was wearing nothing but a teeshirt and underwear under it, “Let me...let me get dressed.”

“Of course, I’ll meet you on the flight deck.”

When she was back in her fatigues, she headed up to the vertibirds. A knight helped her climb in and she pressed a little tightly between a star paladin and Maxson as there were quite a few people piled into the vehicle. When they landed, Shiloh jumped out after the star paladin before he could assist her. She made it to Ingram’s location first, practically bursting through the door.

“It took fourteen tries and I need a long vacation, but I’ve found it.” Ingram pointed at the green text of her terminal. Shiloh couldn’t read a word on it, but Ingram clarified, “I located the frequency as soon as I hooked up the satellite you gave me. I’ve tapped in, so we have two options now.”

“And those are?” Maxson spoke from behind Shiloh and Ingram.

“Either I can run the network scan and use the satellite we recovered to try to find the coordinates or…” Ingram looked like she wasn’t sure she wanted to bring up the next option, “Or we could teleport someone there immediately.”

Immediately, both Ingram and Maxson knew that Shiloh would jump at the chance. Maxson glared at the other soldiers in the room, “Leave us. Now.” The room cleared quickly, leaving only Ingram, Shiloh, and Maxson. The Elder held up a hand to Shiloh, “No.”

“This is our only chance.”

“It’s not our only option. Nora was our only option. Here we have something that doesn’t involve uncertain circumstances.” Maxson turned to Ingram, “Pinpoint those locations. Inform me when you find something else.”

Shiloh glared at him and he gave her a dark look back before storming out of the room. The door slammed behind him and Shiloh snarled in exasperation. She would have kicked something over if Ingram wouldn’t have her head for destroying her workshop.

Ingram watched the whole exchange quietly. Shiloh never felt so much like she had a mother than when Ingram glowered at her like she did something wrong. “What?”

“You can’t expect Maxson not to care.”

“He should be willing to sacrifice me for the greater good. Especially if I’m willing to go.”

“It’s cruel of you to think that.”

Shiloh sighed, leaning against a workbench, “The Watchers are dangerous. They’re a risk to not only the Brotherhood, but the entire Commonwealth. We can’t afford to waste time.”

“I’m working as fast as I can. I know you had an understanding with Sarah about self-sacrifice after the purifier. But Maxson isn’t Sarah. He’s not cold and logical. He’s still the same bleeding heart that he was as a kid.” Ingram approached Shiloh, giving her a stern look, “I don’t know what’s with you two. And now isn’t the time for me to press you on it. But he cares about you. Whether you’re willing to accept that or not. After Elder Lyons, Sarah, and Danse, he’s broken. He can’t lose anyone else. Especially not if there’s another way.”

Shiloh broke eye contact, feeling ashamed that she once again threw emotions out the window for cold logic, “Alright.”

“Just let me try. Save the self-sacrifice for when there’s no other option.”

“Fine, fine.” Shiloh pushed away from the workbench roughly, gripping her hands into fists tightly. She left the warehouse the same way Maxson did, staring up in frustration at the sky as the beach wind swept her hair.

To her surprise, she saw Maxson standing at the railing overlooking the beach while smoking a cigarette. A few guards were watching him closely, but chose to keep their distance at his anger. Ignoring the warning glances she was given, Shiloh walked until she was standing beside him. She leaned on the railing, half-expecting him to snap at her, but he never did.

He offered a share of the cigarette and she took it. She wasn’t much of a smoker, but it felt like something of a peace offering. Sighing, she handed the cigarette back as she blew out a small puff of smoke. He spoke first, “I can’t ask you to promise me not to throw yourself into danger recklessly. It’s what you do and I know it’s a promise you can’t keep. But I don’t sacrifice people when I don’t have to.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Maxson. I just hate feeling so helpless when there’s a quicker path. You’re right, I can’t promise that. I could die tomorrow. Or the next day. But if I’m going to go out, I’ll go out on my terms.” When she spoke of her dying, Maxson grew distant and leaned against the railing. He was faced away from her now, tension in his shoulders. Shiloh felt the urge to grab his hand in some sort of reassurance, but she felt the eyes of the guards on her back and she opted to lightly touch his arm. “Hey…”

“Hm?” he rolled the cigarette between his lips. It distracted her a little.

“You still mad at me?”

She blinked in surprise when he genuinely laughed. She hadn’t seen him smile like that ever and it warmed her, “You’re incredibly frustrating, Sentinel. But no, I like to think I understand you too much to just be angry with you.”

Shiloh smiled along with him, looking out at the patrolling Liberty Prime, “I’m glad.” She frowned when the wind swept her hair again and Maxson put out his cigarette.

“Come on, it’s late and our sleeping habits are poor enough.”

“You putting me to bed, Elder?” She grinned when he rolled his eyes at her. The guarding soldiers said nothing as they passed and boarded the vertibird.

Shiloh undressed when she was back in her room, curling back under the covers with a smile. She couldn’t stop thinking about Maxson’s laugh and how she caused it, even if she caused his anger earlier. Her mind focused on how his smile made him look more his age. She wondered if it was his first smile in a while.

Meanwhile, Arthur unzipped his flight suit halfway, leaving his top half in just a shirt. He didn’t like completely undressing for bed. It was a habit after years of being woken up for meetings and intel in the middle of the night. Since the western elders were in a time zone three hours behind him, he was often contacted by them during his sleep as well.

He turned off the light, sleeping comfortably in the pitch black room. The lull of the Prydwen was comforting in a way, as it reminded him where he was. When he had nightmares, it was the only solace for him. Deathclaws couldn’t get him hundreds of feet in the air.

He thought of Shiloh’s sly grin as she asked him about _putting her to bed._  If only she knew how those words affected him. He was sure she was simply messing with him, trying to get him to laugh again. But the comment didn’t make him laugh. It made him shake his head because he was assaulted by his own impure thoughts. How could he respect her as her Elder when he was occupied with the idea of sharing his bed with her? And not just in a sexual way. He wanted to see what she wore under that blanket she was hiding under earlier. He wanted to play with her hair and listen to her as she told him about her adventures in the Capital Wasteland. He wanted to feel the other scars she had besides the teeth marks on her jawline.

Arthur sighed, rubbing his face. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew what this meant. But it was a lot more complicated than just deciding to pursue her or not. He was not only her Elder, her superior, but the western elders had certain expectations for him and he wasn’t certain Shiloh would fit into those. On top of everything, she likely still saw him as a moody teenager she once knew. She knew him as a child, for Christ’s sake.

Forcing himself to get some semblance of sleep, Arthur gripped the blanket tightly and waited for the quiet rumbling of the Prydwen’s engines to help him go out.

-0-

Shiloh sat in the mess hall reading from a book she borrowed from Quinlan. She was taking notes on medical field knowledge when Haylen sat across from her again. She wouldn’t have found it so strange if, for one, Haylen didn’t have any food with her, and two, she was giving Shiloh a wide-eyed stare. Setting the book down, the Sentinel raised an eyebrow at her when she noticed the mess hall was filled now with others who were trying not to stare directly at her.

It was rather late in the evening. Late enough for the night shift to be transferring over. Most of the soldiers in the mess hall had just gotten off work or back from missions. Some still had dirt from the wasteland streaked across their faces. Still that didn’t stop them from giving Shiloh looks. Growing frustrated, Shiloh considered interrogating Haylen privately on another deck.

Just as she fully stood from the table, a group of knights stumbled into the room. One in particular had to be held up because he was so inebriated. They headed towards an unoccupied table as one of the group members grabbed something from the self-service. They laughed loudly enough to annoy the others in the room. Shiloh had no idea where they stumbled in from so drunk, but she didn’t concern herself with it until two of them began to stare openly at her.

Having had enough, Shiloh closed her book and stared back, “See something you’re interested in, knights?”

One of them smirked, “Maybe. Gets lonely on a flying airship.”

“I’d tell you to control yourself, but you can’t seem to do that with your liquor.”

Another one in the group laughed, “We were just celebrating a night off. No harm there.”

“Well you can celebrate back in your quarters. Public intoxication is against protocol.”

The one who was the most inebriated chose this moment to stand up, approaching Shiloh’s table. Not wanting to include Haylen in this mess, the Sentinel stood from her seat to meet him. The knight slurred at her, “You’re the one pushing protocol now, Lone Wanderer?” He said her nickname with a sneer.

Shiloh steeled herself though she was a head shorter than the man, “By all means, speak freely, knight.”

“I just think it’s interesting that you’re able to just join us again after nine years. And then you’re promoted to a Sentinel. Just wondering how you managed to climb the ranks so quickly.”

“Have a suggestion, do you?”

“Come on man, don’t do this, just sit down,” a man back at the table began to stand.

Shiloh glanced at him briefly, “No, I want to know what he has to say.”

The knight in front of her crossed his arms, moving a little closer, “Don’t play dumb. Everyone knows you’re Maxson’s-”

“Okay, seriously dude Elder Maxson’s going to kill you if you-”

Shiloh interrupted the man at the table, “Maxson’s _what_?”

She wasn’t completely sure what he said next. Once she saw his lips speak the word _whore_ , he was writing on the floor when she punched him in the face. He stumbled back before getting a good swing right at her nose. Both were bleeding from their noses as they tangled on the floor. Haylen was pulling her off the other man as his friends were now holding him down. She could have struggled more, but Shiloh let the scribe pull her up.

A star paladin approached from the other side of the room, grabbing one of the knights, “Take your idiot friend back to the quarters. You’ll all be dealt with by the Elder if I have to find you myself.” He approached Shiloh, who was breathing heavily and glaring at the floor. “Are you alright Sentinel?”

“Get Knight-Captain Cade, please,” she was coming down from her adrenaline high and began to feel bruising on her skin. She attempted to wipe away the blood, but it didn’t stop until Haylen gently handed her a towel to try to mop it up.

The Knight-Captain was going through the medical evaluations of a few intiates with Maxson on the command deck during the commotion. They were interrupted by a star paladin entering the room, still looking like he’d only recently arrived back to the Prydwen. “Excuse me, Elder Maxson. Knight-Captain Cade, there’s been a situation down in the mess hall. A group of knights got heavily intoxicated and there was an altercation between them and Sentinel Carver.”

“Did the Sentinel take care of it?”

“I’m afraid so, but not in a favored manner. She’s bleeding quite badly.”

“What of the knights?”

“Bruised, mostly. Might have a broken nose, but one of his friends said he would take care of it.”

Maxson sighed, “I’ll come with you Knight-Captain.”

The two men headed towards Cade’s office, meeting up with Shiloh and Haylen as they stood in uncomfortable silence. The discomfort grew when they noticed Maxson was there. Maxson frowned, crossing his arms and watching Shiloh pace and hold the bloody towel to her nose.

Cade prepared a stimpak, “Have a seat, Sentinel.”

“Don’t waste your supplies, just check if it’s broken.”

“Sentinel, have a seat,” Maxson spoke before Cade could reply. Shiloh glared at him, making Haylen pale in fear, but she sat on the gurney as Cade continued his preparations. “Scribe Haylen, would you excuse us?” Haylen glanced worriedly at Shiloh, but left the room as Maxson’s question was more of an order.

When Cade finished with the stimpak, making Shiloh flinch, he helped clear the blood with a new towel. “Nothing broken, fortunately. Just a laceration. A few stitches and a bandage should do the trick.” Maxson watched as Shiloh squirmed while Cade applied the sutures across the bridge of her nose. He placed a bandage across them and began to put the bloody equipment away for sanitization.

“What happened, Sentinel?” Maxson didn’t sound angry, just exasperated.

“I told an intoxicated group of knights to piss off back to their quarters and they didn’t like that.”

“What led to the fighting?”

Shiloh grew uncomfortable, unable to look in Maxson’s direction at all. Cade spoke up, “You must have a reason for going to blows with a knight.”

“I had a great reason. I’d do it again.”

“Care to elaborate?” Maxson sounded a little more strained than before.

She frowned, finally looking at Maxson, “He called me the Elder’s whore. Suggested that had to do with my promotion.”

Cade grimaced in discomfort. Maxson squeezed the bridge of his nose, speaking, “Alright.”

The doctor blinked, “Alright?”

Maxson’s expression grew dark, “I would have punched him, too.”

Cade sighed, turning to clean his supplies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the Brotherhood can be like a high school. Also I don’t know if public intoxication is actually against protocol but I wouldn’t be surprised. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	14. Farewell

Maxson gestured for Shiloh to follow him as they headed towards his quarters. Luckily, they didn’t pass the group of knights. Lucky for them mostly, because Maxson was livid at the moment and barely able to contain it.

He motioned for her to sit at the table and he grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Shiloh drank from it immediately when he gave her a glass, “Thanks.”

“You’re going to need it when the numbness wears off.”

“I’ve got to hand it to Brotherhood training. He got some good strikes on me.” Maxson frowned, sitting in the chair across from her. She noticed the tension in his shoulders.

“Don’t let some drunk idiot’s words get to you like that.”

“Idiot or not. I will protect my honor. There’s enough rumors going on about me in the wasteland, no need for them to go on inside the Prydwen.”

“Fair enough, but you could have just punished him.”

“I broke his nose. He won’t forget that.”

Maxson grinned slightly, “Not what I meant.” He leaned back in his seat, “I know you can take care of yourself, but I don’t tolerate knights insulting my officers. Nor do I tolerate public intoxication. They will be taken care of in due time. Just as Ripson will.”

Shiloh grinned around the rim of her glass, “Did you know some of the squires have feelings for you?”

Maxson squirmed in his chair, “How did you come across this information?”

“I had to do some sleuthing. Couldn’t figure out why they treated me like I was a deathclaw on the airship.” Maxson had no reply to that. Shiloh took another swig of her whiskey, changing the subject to give him mercy, “Ugh, how do you drink this stuff?”

“Been doing so regularly since I was sixteen. Snuck it around since I was ten. You get used to it.”

“I suppose,” Shiloh sighed, “Going back to what that knight said to me...there are exactly two people in the world whose opinion on me I care about: my Elder’s and Proctor Ingram’s.”

Ignoring the tightness in his chest at her words, Maxson spoke, “Proctor Ingram?”

“Of course. I’ve known her for so long, almost as long as I knew Sarah. Back before the accident, she was much like Danse. The perfect soldier with stars in her eyes. But she had a big heart she didn’t know what to do with. I caught her making eyes at Sarah so many times that I finally confronted her to do something about it. This world is cruel, even more so back in the Capital Wasteland. Life was too short for her to get hung up on rank and protocol if she was in love,” Shiloh smiled, looking down at her glass, “I told her that it didn’t matter that Sarah was the Elder. She was human too and just as capable of love and being loved.”

Maxson cleared his throat, suddenly and uncharacteristically nervous, “Shiloh-”

Shiloh was looking at him now, almost listening to his words in anticipation, when they heard quick footsteps coming towards the door. She unholstered her pistol, aiming it just as the door slammed open to reveal a wheezing vertibird pilot. “You idiot,” Shiloh snapped, “I could have shot you!”

“I’m sorry,” the pilot flushed at seeing the two of them and took another breath, “Proctor Ingram said it was the utmost importance that I get Elder Maxson. She says she has solid information. She wouldn’t tell me anything else.”

Holstering the pistol again, Shiloh followed the pilot, Maxson in tow. She was a little shaky from the alcohol and the pain in her face, but she was able to climb into the vehicle with Maxson’s hand helping her up. She quickly let go of his hand once she found her seat, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

Ingram was pacing back and forth across her workshop, looking deliriously tired but delighted with her findings, “I’ve got a location. It’s in a building relatively nearby, near a broken highway overlooking the bay. There’s multiple indications of a huge amount of power coming from there. I’ve pinged their satellite multiple times, so I’m sure we’ve alerted them. That means we have little time to waste here.”

Maxson nodded, “The Minutemen have been waiting on intel in the Castle nearby. They’re giving us an opportunity to use less resources and I believe we should take it. Otherwise this only lengthens our stay in the Commonwealth.” He looked at Shiloh, “We’ll gather everything we can tonight and we can have you meet Nora James at the fort by noon tomorrow.”

Shiloh swallowed, overwhelmed with how quickly things were moving all of a sudden, “Of course, Elder Maxson.” She would have to clean her guns and armor tonight, to make sure they were in perfect condition. Maxson was in full Elder mode now, discussing logistics with Ingram while Shiloh quietly slipped out of the workshop. She passed by multiple star paladins who looked nervous.

It would be good to see Nora again. Perhaps they would get a chance to talk before Shiloh left the Commonwealth. She couldn’t say she felt any particular attachment to this place, but the people it would still hurt to never see Danse or Nora again.

Back on the Prydwen, Shiloh frowned at the combat armor she usually wore. While it wasn’t damaged, it was slightly worn and a new set would take too long to modify or break-in in time for the mission. It would have to do. Her weapons were fine as they were, heavily modified and used but reliable. She double checked her ammo stash and noted that she would have to resupply before she headed to the Castle, as the Minutemen called their fort.

She wasn’t sure how many Minutemen would be traveling with her, but she did know that Maxson planned on sending at least half of the Brotherhood to the location. They weren’t sure what kind of firepower they would be walking into, but they were prepared for something on the level of the Institute.

Standing in Danse’s old room that she supposed was now hers, she began to trace her fingers along the old books and furniture in the room. She should be sleeping, but nervousness and an unsettling feeling that she might not ever see this room again consumed her.

It wasn’t the first time she’d gone head first into the unknown, but it never got easier. She thought it would be after Butch left her, not having someone next to her that she was consumed with protecting, but it wasn’t. Sarah and Owyn Lyons and so many of the people she’d met in her adventures were in the back of her mind. So many lives depended on her success that she was consumed with completing her missions whether or not she survived.

Now, not only did Maxson depend on her, but he was someone else in the back of her mind. Elder Maxson, who had the heart of Owyn Lyons, the tenacity of Sarah, and the sternness of the western elders who raised him up as a legend since he was a child. Elder Maxson, who beneath that was Arthur who smoked when he was stressed and couldn’t stay angry with her. Arthur who smiled and grew flustered when she toyed with him. Shiloh sighed, knowing what was happening and unwilling to fully acknowledge it because these things always ended badly with her.

She grasped the map he’d given her tightly in her hands and laid down on the mattress. Holding the paper to her chest, she allowed herself to calm and gather a few hours of sleep.

She woke up when there was a tapping at her door. Checking her pip-boy, she saw that she’d slept later than she’d expected and it was already approaching nine in the morning. Since she was still dressed in her Brotherhood fatigues, she called out, “Come in.”

When she was done rubbing her eyes, she turned to see Maxson standing in her doorway looking surprised at her appearance, “You’re still sleeping?”

She blushed, “Time got away from me.”

He paused, acknowledging the irony in that statement, and moved until he sat at the edge of her bed. She continued blushing, not expecting the Elder to sit before she could even get off the mattress. Sitting up straight, she tucked up her legs to look at him more closely.

“You’ve been waiting a long time for this, Sentinel. Are you prepared?”

“Yes, I already categorized my armor and weapons last night. I just need to restock on ammo, but I should be more than ready when the firefight comes.”

Maxson frowned, not yet looking at her, “That’s not what I meant.”

Realization dawned on her and she wrapped her arms around her knees, “I have to be ready, whether I want to or not. I’m taking them down, whether it’s with me or not.”

Maxson grimaced, “I prefer _or not_.”

Reaching out, Shiloh touched his arm, “I know you do, Maxson. But we have to face reality. This mission has so many unknowns.”

“Don’t throw yourself into harm’s way.” He suddenly said.

“Look, I-”

“I’m completely serious. Don’t.”

“I won’t, Maxson.”

“I don’t believe you, but for my own sake I won’t press you.” He looked slightly angry now.

Her grip on his arm tightened, “Arthur.”

At the use of his name, he looked at her, “What’s your plan for the fort?”

Shiloh pulled the covers off her, approaching the table where she laid out her supplies and a write-out of her notes for the mission, “The Minutemen don’t allow Brotherhood soldiers inside their settlements. Nora’s already made an exception for me, so I’ll meet up with her to discuss the logistics going forward from the Castle. As far as getting to the Castle, we can cut around the bay and stay close to the shore. It will make it a quicker journey as most of those locations are free of raiders and super mutants. We shouldn’t be faced with much more than a nest of mirelurks-” Shiloh stopped talking immediately when she turned around and Maxson was standing right in front of her. She still had the paper in her hand and it crinkled in her tight grip.

Maxson’s expression was blank when his hands came up to lightly grip her hips, nudging her closer gently. She allowed him to pull her until she was flush against him. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she could feel his doing the same.

Coming to her senses, Shiloh’s eyes widened. She wondered if he was going to kiss her, with her pressed so close now. She was dizzy with the urge for him to lean towards her lips when his hands came up to her back and she realized he was hugging her. Taking a shaky breath, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into his collar bone. He was so warm.

His hand moved to the back of her neck where it tangled in her hair. She realized his breath was just as shaky as hers. _Fuck_ , she wanted to kiss him. _Fuck_ , she was a coward because she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t make that step. Too many things were uncertain. How he felt, how she felt, the entire mission. So many mysterious variables. They needed to talk about this. But there was no time. He was the _Elder_ , for Christ’s sake.

She pulled back a little, looking at him. He ran the hand on the back of her neck down her jaw until his thumb ran along her collarbone. She sighed at the touch, craving the intimacy. Whatever uncertainty she felt about him, he knew for sure that she wanted him to touch her more.

He let out another deep breath, letting her go slowly. He didn’t know what to say or how to explain what he just did, but it seemed he didn’t need to. She gave him a smile that made him want to kiss her again, but he couldn’t bring himself to, “I’ll meet you on the flight deck.”

Maxson left her so she could strap on her armor. She holstered her weapons and shouldered her bags, leaving her prized map and the books Cade gave her on the desk. She couldn’t risk damaging them during her mission.

Haylen saluted her as she headed up to the flight desk. She placed a hand on the scribe’s shoulder, smiling at her softly. She would protect Rhys with her life out there to make sure he came home to her.

The squires and scribes that wouldn’t be coming with her saluted her as well and she nodded in reply. She reached the flight deck, saluting Kells, Cade, Teagan, and Quinlan directly. Most of her team was down at the airport already. They opted out of taking the vertibirds since there were so many of them and so few vehicles. The trip to the Castle would take under an hour or two anyways if they kept to the shore as planned.

The wind swept her hair, but the sky was clear as she approached the vertibirds. Maxson met her there, silently saluting her. Eyes shining, she returned it. They’d said their private goodbyes already. She climbed into the vertibird, glancing back at Maxson once more as it left the dock down towards the airport.

She stood out among the crew. Most were in power armor, though some wore the same combat armor that she did. Unlike her, they wore those clunky helmets with them, looking like proper soldiers. A star paladin nodded to her, “Ready when you are, ma’am.”

Shiloh made eye contact with Proctor Ingram. The older woman gave her a rare smile. She turned back to the star paladin, making the first step of many down the beach, “Let’s head out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another tender moment between the two. Always a pleasure. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	15. For The Brotherhood

Unsurprisingly, traveling with half of the Brotherhood’s forces was a pain in the ass. They covered too much area, made too much noise, and frequently needed to stop. She couldn’t very well provide a strong argument when most of her group was wearing power armor in the bright noon sun. They finally stopped to camp on a swampy beach a hundred feet from the walls of the Castle. Adjusting her bag straps on her shoulders, Shiloh left the star paladins in charge of the group as she approached the fort. Though star paladins generally answered only to Elder Maxson, it was clarified to everyone that the Sentinels were leading the operation.

Shiloh met with a guard wearing the strange, alien-like power armor she’d only ever seen the Enclave wear. It felt like _deja vu_ to when she first stopped in front of the gate of the Citadel and was promptly told off by the guard posted there. Shiloh warily stepped around the alien soldier as she was let inside the gates.

The inside of the Castle was filled with crops and farmland surrounding a large radio tower. Three Dog would be foaming at the mouth if he had something like that for his broadcast. Speakers along the walls played a giddy tune that Shiloh felt would quickly grate on her nerves. Nora came to meet her, smiling broadly and wearing combat armor, “We’re ready when you are, Sentinel. Let me introduce you to my Lieutenant, Preston Garvey. He will be manning the vanguard while I lead the base attack of the tower. From my understanding of the operation, you will be working with him closely.”

Shiloh glanced at the man standing next to Nora. He certainly dressed the part of a Minuteman. She shook his hand, noting that he still held an untrusting look towards her. She wasn’t sure why a man who clearly disliked the Brotherhood would be working the vanguard. However, she had to trust Nora’s judgement, “Alright, General, just to clarify what’s with the alien power armors?”

“You’ve never seen an X-01 power armor model?” Preston inquired, but Shiloh ignored him. She was somewhat glad the Lieutenant didn’t know the exact details of her...situation.

”Not outside the Enclave,” she stared him down, almost accusingly.

Nora interrupted, “It’s a rarer model that I have found quite a few of and prefer on my heavy fire squads. I have an elite guard that wears the models that I find and repair. My Captain and his group will be joining the firefight.” Shiloh picked up the emphasis in Nora’s words, paling at the idea of Danse participating so close to Brotherhood soldiers. Preston picked up that Shiloh knew what Nora was saying and he softened a little.

“Of course,” Shiloh nodded, “when you’re ready we will head to the tower immediately. For the record, my orders are clear. We don’t shoot unless we are shot at. If possible we will take prisoners when we can.”

“I couldn’t agree more. The last thing I want is a blood bath. The Minutemen will handle rounding survivors if your men want to focus on the technology. Before we go, I have something for you.” Shiloh followed Nora through the Castle’s hallways to her private quarters. She opened the door to see Danse standing in there, his helmet off. Shiloh blinked in surprise and Nora smiled, “Danse isn’t your gift. Though I’m sure you’re not complaining about seeing him again.”

Danse looked sheepish and Shiloh sighed, “Be careful, Danse. That place is going to be flooded with Brotherhood soldiers.”

“Of course. My directions are rather simple. Nora points, I shoot. I won’t even be speaking.”

Shiloh tensed in worry still, worried for Danse’s life and worried for Maxson’s career, “I believe you, but I will keep my soldiers as far from you as I can.”

Danse slightly grinned, “Sentinel life suits you.”

“It _really_ doesn’t. I’m just very adaptable.”

Nora rummaged through a trunk, “I know the feeling. Here,” she held up a bundle of metal and cloth, “this is for you.” Shiloh took it from her hands, confused. “I used to wear it on my travels so it’s well-loved, but it’s stronger than that feeble combat armor you’re wearing. I know it’s presumptuous of me, but I think it belongs on the front lines with you. It’s combat armor from the north worn by pre-War Marines and I had Danse modify its appearance slightly. The Children of Atom up north wear it, but yours is gunmetal. I thought you might appreciate the irony.”

Shiloh ran a hand gently across the smooth metal surface. She felt a strange attachment to her old armor, but it was very worn and wouldn’t hold up well against strong damage. Shiloh grinned, “Thank you.”

Nora clearly hadn’t been expecting her to set the armor aside and pull her into a hug. Shiloh found she liked Nora’s hugs. It felt like being hugged by a mother. Not that Shiloh ever truly knew what that felt like. Nora sounded emotional, “We’ll be behind you all the way. I have a feeling this will be our final mission together.”

Shiloh silently agreed, though she didn’t elaborate. She had a bad feeling, like she wouldn’t come out of this unscathed. Maybe not at all. But she didn’t want to worry the older woman. She let go of Nora and approached Danse. He still looked sheepish when she tapped his power armored chest tightly, “See you later, soldier.”

“I know you’ll lead well,” Danse pulled his helmet back on, “ready when you are, ladies.”

Taking a moment in a private room, Shiloh pulled on the new armor. It fit comfortably from being used, but she already felt more protected from oncoming fire than before. The gunmetal gray of the metal went well with the black of her officer uniform. She looked the part of Sentinel as she met up with the Minutemen again in the courtyard. Most of the soldiers looked like farmers with rifles, which worried Shiloh, but Nora held her faith in them.

The Sole Survivor was speaking to her soldiers and they surrounded her, listening eagerly. Shiloh spotted quite a diversity in her crew. There were farmers, ghouls, and people in raider getups. She spotted MacCready standing next to a group carrying sniper rifles. Knowing his skillset, she hoped he would keep to the back instead of inside the firefight.

When Nora finished her speech, the group headed out to meet the Brotherhood soldiers. Shiloh met up with the star paladins and motioned for them to get ready to move. There would be no stopping now that they were heading to the tower full force.

-0-

The skyscraper itself wasn’t uniquely tall by any measure, but from the outside looked deserted. If Ingram wasn’t so certain, they would have questioned whether the building was habitable at all. It overlooked the bay slightly, positioned near a collapsed overpass. Four knights in power armor bent and tore off the large metal door to the attached parking garage. It proved the easiest route, since the main entrances were completely fortified with concrete and wood.

Nora’s group and most of the Brotherhood kept to the lower levels, heading inside through the parking garage. Shiloh, Rhys, and Preston Garvey led the climb to the upper levels of the garage where they would charge through the stairwells and elevators. The lower groups were loud, banging around and yelling for anyone inside to stand down. So far Shiloh couldn’t hear gunfire or resistance. Preston’s group broke off and headed up the stairs as Shiloh, Rhys, and a few knights packed tightly into an elevator. The ride upwards was cramped and tense.

The whole group jumped when gunfire went off immediately, coming from somewhere below them. Nora’s group was meeting some kind of resistance. The elevator only went up to the sixth floor. From there they exited and used halfway collapsed ceilings and stairwells to climb further up. The ninth floor was the last complete one. It was filled to the brim with expensive equipment, but nobody to man it. Curiously, Shiloh and Rhys crawled through debris and rubble to the tenth floor, which had no ceiling as the knights stayed on the ninth floor to pick through the technology.

The wind shook nearly everything and the walls were collapsed, leaving large gaps that overlooked the city and the bay clearly. Rhys unholstered his gun, pointing it at the lone man who stood in front of a terminal, “Get down on the ground, now!” He had to yell to be heard over the wind.

The man was muttering to himself, wearing what probably once was a clean lab coat. He looked disheveled and dirty, paying Shiloh and Rhys no attention. Shiloh pulled out her laser rifle, “He said get down.” Approaching slowly, she nudged her rifle against the man’s arm. He jumped, finally acknowledging them.

With a new ferver, the man began typing quickly on the terminal. Taking control, Rhys ran and yanked him away from the equipment. The man immediately held up his hands, not saying a word. “What did you just do, old man?” Behind Rhys, a few knights climbed up to the floor, hearing the commotion. As Rhys was yelling and the knights were unholstering their weapons, Shiloh watched the man’s face.

It was just for a fraction of a second, but she saw his eyes flick out through the collapsed wall. Turning, Shiloh saw the overpass in his direct field of vision. She also saw the satellite near his terminal pointed right in that direction. Further, wherever he was looking also had a direct line of sight to the Prydwen. “Rhys…” she began over the yelling, “Rhys!” Rhys stopped his threats and looked at her. There was panic laced in her voice, “We need to go now!” He immediately followed her down to the ninth floor, calling out the knights to stay with the man after him. Shiloh nearly tumbled through a hole in the floor as they charged for the elevator. She grabbed a panting Preston Garvey as he met them on the seventh floor. “Come with me, all of you.” Preston began to question but she cut him off, “There’s no time, come with me!”

They once again pushed into the elevator. About half of Preston’s Minutemen were able to fit. Those that couldn’t met up with the knights on the top floor. “What is going on?” Preston raised his voice over the music of the elevator as Shiloh scrambled for her radio.

“This is Sentinel Carver reporting an immediate threat to the Prydwen. Requesting immediate evacuation, _immediate_!”

The radio crackled with Kells’s voice, “Sentinel, could you elaborate?”

“Evacuate the Prydwen, _right now_. I don’t know how fast it’s coming. Send Liberty Prime to our location immediately.”

“10-4, Sentinel. Evacuating now,” Kells seemed to be getting the message.

Rhys swallowed, “What did you see?”

“I didn’t see anything. But that man did. He activated something, or tried to activate it, I can’t be sure. But whatever it is, it’s on that overpass and the Prydwen’s in its line of sight,” Shiloh ran a hand through her hair, “We’ve gotta get up there.”

Rhys nodded. So did Preston, “We’ll back you up as best as we can. We’ll have to run like hell through whatever is going on downstairs. I’ll leave a man to find Nora and explain what’s happening.”

“If it’s something big, Liberty Prime will destroy it. We just have to be sure.”

Getting through the lower floors proved difficult. As soon as the elevator opened, a Minuteman dropped as he was struck by a bullet. They moved around his corpse, dodging the sprays of gunfire and lasers. It seems the firefight was moving upward as Nora began to take control of the lower floors. Preston’s Minuteman headed down the stairwell to find Nora as the small group headed into the parking garage.

Running as fast as they could, they reached the overpass in record time. Through the rubble, Shiloh could see Liberty Prime’s head as he crossed the bay directly towards them. They found an on-ramp to the overpass. It itself was nearly collapsed and very steep. Before Preston and his men could lead the way up there, Shiloh stopped them.

“You and your men need to stand back.”

Preston frowned, “We are just as capable as Brotherhood soldiers-”

“It’s not that. We don’t know what’s up there. But whatever it is, I have a feeling it’s the high level of technology Ingram has detected. We will probably be slaughtered.”

“My men have made their peace-”

“We will probably be slaughtered. Liberty Prime does not discriminate. I will not ask you or your men to run into a fight you will not come out of.”

Preston swallowed, “We will back you up most of the way. Let us do that, at least.”

Shiloh nodded, panting from exhaustion and panic, “Clear the way for me and I’ll find whatever is up there.”

“ _We_ will find what’s up there,” Rhys piped in. As Shiloh protested, he cut her off, “This is my choice Sentinel. I will not stand by and watch from the sidelines. I’m with you all the way."

Frowning, Shiloh gave in and allowed Rhys to come with her. The steep climb up the ramp was harrowing. They could feel the feebleness of the damaged concrete of the overpass. Their vision was blocked heavily by clusters of old cars and a large concrete ceiling shielding the overpass from the sun. Rhys was panting in his power armor, but kept in pace with Shiloh. They ducked behind a barrier as turrets popped up and began firing. The Minutemen provided cover fire as they continued climbing. The turrets were dispatched, but then the protectrons came out from behind piles of metal and automobile.

“Hold back,” Shiloh called to Preston and his men as they kept back behind the barriers. Provided they had barely any armor and weaker weapons, they did best as far back as they could get. Shiloh hoped that the Minutemen found Nora so the General could provide them some additional backup, but she didn’t know how much weight and damage the overpass could take.

A laser shot pinged off of Rhys’s armor and he went down behind a car. Shiloh kept low and met up with him. He was panting loudly now, suffering damage from the protectron fire. Suddenly, they jumped when they heard the loud call of a sentry bot. “Shit,” Rhys spat, reloading his laser rifle.

Shiloh reloaded as well, peering over the car to see the large bot approaching near a bus at the top of the overpass. Just behind it, Shiloh saw a brief glimpse of a large, bright light, but the sentry bot began shooting before she could get a good look. She jumped back behind the car, feeling it rock under the pressure of the bullets.

Rhys was still now, deep in thought. He turned to Shiloh and she wished she could see his expression under the helmet. She gripped her hand in his, forcing him to break from his thoughts and look at her, “What are you thinking?”

Instead of directly replying, he held up his laser rifle and pulled out a pulse grenade, “Give me cover fire. The Minutemen are too far back now.” Shiloh’s eyes widened, but Rhys was calm now, “For Elder Maxson.”

“For the Brotherhood,” Shiloh whispered to him just before he pulled himself up and over the car. The pulse grenade went off right when Rhys threw it, catching the sentry bot off guard. She took the opening it provided, firing upon its weak head. Just a second later, it was firing back, directly at Rhys as he wove in between cars and barriers.

Shiloh could hear Rhys grunt when the bullets struck him. It made her feel sick. She never forgot the sound of hearing a companion getting shot. Still she fired, managing to down one of the sentry’s guns. Rhys launched more grenades at it until the bot’s tires began shredding from the damage. The sentry bot suddenly exploded in a miniature mushroom cloud. Shiloh felt the radiation burn her skin as she ducked back behind the car. Rhys took the explosion full force and was launched into a dilapidated bus on the overpass’s side. When the blast was over, Shiloh climbed out of her hiding spot. It was eerily silent now, with no people or robots in sight. She tentatively approached where she saw the bright light.

When she got a full view of it, she thanked every God that existed in the wasteland that she caught that man’s look when she did. The powerful energy signals Ingram had been picking up were most definitely coming from the abhorrently huge gatling laser positioned directly at the Prydwen.

Shiloh scrambled towards it, hands shaking as she looked at the terminal. “Fuck, _fuck!”_ She cursed as she couldn’t understand a single line of code on the terminal. She scrolled through the language, but nothing stood out. There were no options to make, not even an area to input text. She could faintly hear the shrill beep of a countdown over the hammering of her heart.

The weapon would go off any second and she couldn’t do a damned thing about it. Swallowing thickly, she walked up to the side of the weapon, looking for exposed wiring. She found quite a bit of it, but had no idea if a failsafe would make it go off if she so much as touched it. There wasn’t a person in sight for her to threaten to shut it off. A feeling of dread overwhelmed her and she could only pray that the Prydwen was fully evacuated before the machine would send it crashing to the ground.

Just as she moved away from the panel, she was face to face with Liberty Prime. Its large red visor scanned the weapon with Shiloh next to it. She remembered that her presence would make no difference to the robot. Scrambling away from the gatling laser, Shiloh gasped as Liberty Prime’s booming voice shook the concrete she was standing on.

“ _Hostile weaponry targeted at Home Base detected. Annihilation immediate.”_

Fuck. It took thirty seconds for Shiloh to run halfway across the overpass to where she knew Rhys was. Thirty seconds for her to jump into the bus as Liberty Prime charged its powerful laser.

She could hear nothing as the blast exploded the gatling laser and she landed on top of Rhys. Suddenly, in slow motion, she watched the overpass crumble around them, sending huge chunks of it tumbling down to the ground. As the laser caught the support beams, the overpass tipped toward Liberty Prime into the bay. The bus Shiloh and Rhys were in began to roll and Shiloh’s vision went black for just a few seconds as she smacked her head.

Those few seconds were enough as they suddenly were plummeted into the irradiated waters of the bay. The shock of the cold numbed her for a moment before the panic set in. The bus was sinking with Rhys inside it. She heard a dull crash as concrete fell into the water around them, only jostling the bus slightly as it was caught on the edges. The bus span in the water, allowing Shiloh to see the surface through a hole in its side.

Rhys wasn’t moving at all in his collapsed position and she knew he wouldn’t be able to swim in the power armor. Remembering the emergency protocols she was forced to read about by Sarah, Shiloh pulled her .10 mm out and, praying the water hadn’t ruined it too much, made a direct shot into the fusion core on the back of Rhys’s suit. It opened immediately and the water was tinted red with blood.

Even if he was dead, Shiloh wasn’t leaving him behind. Grabbing him as tightly as she could, she swam towards the surface. It was easier since the pain woke Rhys slightly and he was swimming with her out of habit. They broke the surface, gasping and cringing from the pain in their bodies. The waves kept pulling them under until Rhys was out again and Shiloh felt her body go limp from exhaustion.

The tide pulled them further down the beach until they were washed up on the rocky shore. Weak but still conscious, Shiloh stared at the bright sunny sky as she gasped for air. She shakily turned over, flinching when she felt the deep bruises on her previously injured ribs. Reaching over, she felt Rhys for a pulse.

It was there, but it was weak. His suit was stained red and his chest was riddled with bullet holes. He was a tough son of a bitch, she’d give him that. Unable to move her legs from exhaustion, Shiloh dragged herself up into a sitting position. She leaned over Rhys and began to administer CPR to the best of her abilities. Whatever fledgling medical knowledge she had, it worked.

Rhys spit up blood and water, groaning as his body struggled for air. Shiloh couldn’t help it, she smiled. Not since the purifier had she ever managed to get out of a situation with both her and her companion alive. Her wet hair stuck to her face as she sat back again, still panting. In her efforts, she hadn’t heard the loud stomping of Liberty Prime until he was standing on the beach only a few feet from her.

She looked up at him as he peered down at her, “It’s alright, big guy. We’re alright. You did a hell of a job.” The robot didn’t reply, just continued standing there, looking at them. She knew that he couldn’t possibly know who she was, but there was something profound in that moment.

-0-

Maxson was wearing his power armor as he stood at the airport. Around him, the chaos was just now settling. Right when Nora and Shiloh made it to the tower, an army of soldiers both Institute synth and Child of Atom attacked the airport. They must have known that they would be down half of their soldiers. Things were only made more complicated by the evacuation order. Scribes and squires unable to fight were loaded onto the vertibirds and flown to safety while Maxson led his soldiers in a firefight. He was able to mow down quite a few quickly with his gatling laser. It was now reaching mid afternoon when the battle wore down and they were left with more dead enemies than dead Brotherhood soldiers. Still, the fight was tough and Maxson was sweating beneath his helmet.

Soon he saw a group of Minutemen approaching, having broken off from the attack on the tower. Maxson was distracted by the battle, but it was hard to miss the loud structure explosion across the bay.

Maxson had never seen Nora look so pale until she approached him, “Elder, we’ve taken the tower. Most of the soldiers are still there, detaining the scientists. There was a large resistance but they were put down.”

“What of the evacuation order?”

Nora looked distressed now, “Liberty Prime detected some kind of weapon. He destroyed it before it could destroy the Prydwen.”

“I see,” he straightened to look past Nora, “and what of the Sentinel?”

“She- she was-” he wasn’t used to Nora hesitating. She couldn’t seem to get the words out, beginning to shake. Realization dawned on him and he was glad she couldn’t see his face beneath the helmet.

A Minuteman behind Nora spoke up, “General, the robot’s looking at something on the beach.”

Nora and Maxson turned, seeing Liberty Prime standing not too far off down the shore. He wasn’t pacing or shooting something, just looking down at the ground. Nora gasped, immediately running towards the robot before Maxson or the Minutemen could stop her.

Nora collapsed to her knees by Shiloh, ignoring the big robot’s stare. She was pale and weak, but she shook her head when Nora motioned towards her, “Help Rhys, help him Nora.”

Nora took one look at Rhy’s unconscious form before calling behind her for help. As a group of scribes headed by Cade began to gather around the two soldiers, Nora held Shiloh’s hand, “You’re alright, you’re alright.”

But Shiloh wasn’t paying attention. Her gaze was focused on Liberty Prime. Down the beach, staying out of the way, Maxson watched in awe as Liberty Prime began to walk away, continuing its pace and propaganda calls like nothing happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on writing a story that explores Liberty Prime more elaborately. I love him. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	16. Live Wire

Since she was hardly injured in comparison, Cade and his team focused on Rhys instead of Shiloh. She worriedly stood outside of the medbay, covered in dirt and bruises and cuts, until Cade left the room to get some air. He saw the Sentinel standing there and gave her a soft smile, “He’s going to be alright. He’s very strong and even regained consciousness for a time. It will be a long recovery, but he’s going to live.”

Shiloh still frowned, shoulders slumped in worry and emotional exhaustion. Since she woke up with Nora at her side, she felt like she was on the brink of tears. She was experiencing flashbacks to Sarah, her former comrade who survived a suicide mission as well. She had barely spoken to anyone. All she knew about the mission is that the Watchers were still being held at the tower until they could be safety transported to the airport. She didn’t even know where Nora was. Cade advised her to get some sleep before she was on one of his gurneys again and she didn’t have it in her to fight him.

In her room, she pulled off the armor Nora gave her. It saved her life today. Some vital areas were marked from close calls with bullets. Placing it in her trunk, Shiloh headed to the showers in just her Brotherhood fatigues, carrying a bundle of clothing.

She sighed under the warm water, feeling the irradiated salty water in her hair drain away. Taking a shaking breath, she covered her face. Even here, she was unwilling to cry. She didn’t want to fall apart alone in the shower like this. Her body shook as she scrubbed the soap through her hair. When she was in front of a mirror, wearing only a towel, she was able to examine her bruises. Her ribs would be tender for a while and there were quite a few small cuts and scrapes all over her body, but she felt better. Only her eyes gave away the feelings she was trying to hide.

She looked haunted in the mirror, much like she’d looked after her father died, then after the purifier. She came close to dying nearly every day, but there were times when she felt like no human should have survived what she did and it scared her. By some divine intervention she’d survived being inside a collapsing overpass. She swallowed, turning away from the mirror to pull on a standard teeshirt and comfortable pants that would keep her warm. Something told Shiloh she would be waking up shivering and scared for many nights to come.

She left the showers, hair already drying from being scrubbed with a towel. As she padded to the mid deck, she passed multiple soldiers who looked like they wanted to say something. They got one look at her face and kept quiet. Maybe she wasn’t as good at hiding her feelings as she thought.

She practically stumbled upon Maxson, not expecting him to be standing outside her door. She blinked at him and he only stared back, arms crossed. He gave nothing away as she unlocked her door and let him in.

Something told her she was preparing for a fight. It was a feeling she hadn’t had since the last time she’d fought with Sarah. Still, she wasn’t sure how something like that would go with Maxson. While he could be intimidating, she knew she wouldn’t just stand by and let him yell at her.

He didn’t yell at her. Instead his tone was level, shaking slightly, which felt worse in a way, “You said you wouldn’t throw yourself into danger like that.”

Shiloh turned away from him, “I told you I can’t promise those things. I’ll just keep letting you down.”

He repeated himself, like she hadn’t heard him, “You said you wouldn’t.” She turned, seeing him gripping his arms in anger.

“Don’t do what Sarah did. Don’t-”

“Don’t _what_? Don’t care about you? I tried, but you had to come back from the dead and ruin that.”

Shiloh didn’t know what to say to that, “I didn’t ask to go away and I didn’t ask to come back.”

“I didn’t ask for that either, but here we are. And there you are, standing in front of me when your actions today nearly guaranteed you wouldn’t be.”

Shiloh took a step away from him when he paced across her room. She stood in front of the bare steel wall now, watching him, “I’d do it again.”

His back was turned to her, “Repeat that.”

She stood her ground, “I’d do it again. It was you getting blown up on the Prydwen or me and I’d _do it again_. I told you I chose the Brotherhood. I chose _your_ Brotherhood. Becoming Sentinel means I would die for you. I was scared to dedicate myself like that for a long time and I should have given Sarah my life like I did at the purifier. It’s too late for me to tell her, but I can tell you here and now. If another super weapon sprouted on one of those skyscrapers outside and threatened everything you built I’d take it down even if that means the whole building comes down on-”

He suddenly turned around, looking uncomfortable. Before she could ask him what was wrong, he crossed the room and pressed her against the wall. Her face was in his hands and she could feel the warm fabric of his gloves. She blinked up at him, stunned to silence. He took a shaky breath, “I can’t do this.”

She reached up and grasped his wrists, pressing gently with her thumbs, “Can’t do what?”

He was so tense that she could feel it, with him pressed against her like this. This wasn’t gentle or comforting like before. This felt like he was strung out and about to explode. He dropped his hands from her face, beginning to retreat. _No_. No, she wouldn’t let him. Any other day, and she might have. But she was at her wit’s end and emotionally frazzled. She felt like a live wire and he was giving her sparks and she wanted more of that feeling.

As softly as she could manage, she stepped forward as he pulled away and wrapped her arms around him. She was too short to wrap her arms around his shoulders, so she clasped her hands around his back and pressed close. It took all her willpower to keep looking at him. She wanted to shy away, considering she wasn’t very good at initiating these things, but she knew that if she let him leave he might never let her get this close again.

He swallowed, eyes locked on her lips as she looked at him. He reached up again to tuck her damp hair behind her ears, but they didn’t leave her face. Briefly, he looked up and took a breath. When he looked down, she pushed up on her toes and briefly, _finally_ , kissed him.

She tilted her head and gasped when he suddenly deeped the kiss. His hands were back on her hips again and she let go of him in surprise. She was still on the balls of her feet, blushing when he pressed harder against her. She pulled back briefly, flushed red, “You’re, um, tall…”

Wordlessly, he bent to hook his hands around the bottom of her thighs and picked her up while pressing her against the wall. At this angle, she could run her hands across his shoulders. His mouth was back on hers before she could speak again, not that she was complaining. It was hurried and slightly messy. As far as _thank god you’re alive_ kisses went, this was her favorite.

It had been a while for both of them. He was cut off from any form of intimacy upon coming to the Commonwealth. It had been months for her since the caravan worker...if you didn’t count the nine years she was frozen. She breathed in, not letting him pull away for long. His grip on her thighs tightened when she ran her tongue against his bottom lip.

She was overwhelmed. She suddenly wanted to feel his beard all over her skin. She suddenly wanted to yank his jacket off and touch him. She pulled back slightly, looking at him again and he set her down. He played with her hair, not quite smiling but giving her a soft look. He understood. Of course he did.

The day’s events hit her harder than the cold waters of the bay did. She pressed her lips together, unable to control the shaking in her voice, “I fell. I fell so far, Arthur.”

He ran his thumb down her jaw, other arm wrapped around her waist, “I know, I know you did.”

She pressed her forehead against his chest, trembling as her eyes filled with tears. Part of her wanted to pull him down to kiss her again, but it wouldn’t be for the right reasons. He was more than a distraction to her and as much as the thought scared her, she let it calm her down. She swallowed, trying and failing to hide the fact that she was crying all over the Elder’s jacket, “I’m so tired.”

“Come on,” he gently tugged her towards her bed and she sat on it, blushing still from the kiss. She wanted to ask him to stay with her, but there were a thousand reasons he couldn’t do that. For one, she’d just kissed Arthur Maxson. For two, she’d just kissed _the Elder._ She needed to think about things a little going forward and if she was even prepared for things to go forward. Most of all, she had no idea how he even felt. Suddenly self-conscious, she wasn’t prepared when he ran a hand along her neck.

She couldn’t read his expression, but he nodded and briefly held her hand, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Arthur,” she sighed, exhausted physically and mentally. As much as she wanted to stay with him, her body was giving out from the day’s trauma. She was out before he even left the room.

-0-

Maxson left her room quietly, but practically slammed his own door shut. He pressed his back against the door, unwilling to answer it for anything short of an emergency because his body was preoccupied with what had just occurred.

He was practically in pain when he took off his jacket. He needed to calm down and think. Still, his mind couldn’t completely wrap around the fact that he’d just been kissing Shiloh. As wild as his fantasies had gotten, never would he have even suspected she would ever kiss him. He was certain she still saw him as an angry kid, being her commanding officer aside. It had made him feel inadequate for a while.

As he pulled off his jacket and tossed it onto his desk, he quickly unzipped his flight suit and sighed in relief. If Shiloh had felt his erection pressing on her, she didn’t say anything about it. He could only hope his jacket was thick enough.

He was practically throbbing when he grasped himself and sat on his mattress. Leaning back against the pillow, Maxson stared at the ceiling as he hoped to get himself in control. It was doing absolutely nothing. He pulled down the bottoms of his flight suit and his standard-issue briefs, freeing himself to the cool air.

This wasn’t the first time he’d done this to the idea of her, but it was unlike before. Before, he hadn’t known what she tasted like, or how soft her lips were. Or how eager she was to be touched. He could only imagine the kinds of noises she would make if he touched her sensitive spots. He liked playing with her hair, always finding it so shining and pretty from growing up in a vault.

When she kissed him, she had no idea that it wrecked him. He was already so angry before. Angry at her for going into danger and angry at himself for how scared he was. He hadn’t been that scared since before Sarah died. Every emotion he’d buried beneath his skin was clawing at the surface. He’d felt that spike of dread the moment he saw Shiloh again. Because he knew, _he knew,_  that it would destroy him to ever lose her to this godforsaken wasteland.

Pumping in earnest now, he focused on the present. The muscles in his legs flexed as he imagined her hand where his was. He would trace her jaw and run his fingers through her pretty hair until she looked up at him. He didn’t know if he preferred her sly smile or that serious gaze of desire she’d had after kissing him. He imagined both.

The tight Brotherhood fatigues were the best look he’d gotten at her figure and she didn’t show off much skin, making him crave it more. As much as he wanted her lips and tongue on his cock, he wanted to touch and taste every inch of her. To see if she was still soft from vault life or if the wasteland had hardened her.

Throwing an arm over his forehead, he bit his lip as he came to the image of her pulling that flight suit off her body, just for him. His arm fell back to his side as he regained his breath, panting. After a moment, he sat up and cleaned himself off with a towel. He pulled his jacket back on and grabbed his favorite bourbon before sitting at his desk. Turning the terminal on, he opened a communication for California, namely for Giovanna’s father.

He’d been putting this off for long enough. It certainly wouldn’t risk his job after everything he’d done, no matter how important Giovanna’s father was, but it would be an unpleasant call. It wasn’t everyday he informed someone that their daughter dumped the Elder and was planning on running off to Chicago.

Rolling his shoulders so they popped, he waited for the communication to go through while sipping at the bourbon. He had a lot of thinking to do, namely where he wanted to go from here. He was a tactician in every aspect of his life. He couldn’t deny that he held strong desires for Shiloh, couldn’t deny that at all, but feelings were complicated to him and he didn’t have very much experience to go on. And he definitely didn’t want to talk to anyone about this.

Maxson sat back and continued waiting until the line picked up, “Sorry to interrupt your evening, sir, but there’s something I need to inform you about.”

-0-

Every Child of Atom soldier hired by the Watchers was dead. The airport battle had made sure of that. What Gen-1 synths they could track down were destroyed by vertibird fire. Only the Watchers themselves remained. They called themselves such, still loyal to the Institute despite their direct disobeyment of Father’s recall. The recall happened shortly after Father released Nora from Vault 111, as he began to fear that they would be killed on the field in her hunt for her son. Unwilling to abandon their projects, they stayed above ground. Watchers in control of projects like where Shiloh was held were some of the first to be abandoned.

Any Watcher who had anything to do with Shiloh’s freezing was likely dead from when the Brotherhood sacked the Institute. The interrogations concluded that Shiloh would find no answers there. The Watchers they had captured were working on weapons projects, namely laser weapons. They had heard about cryogenic testing to study the effects of radiation poisoning and knew Father was looking for a cure to radiation entirely, but they had nothing to do with that branch of side projects.

Out of the group, seventeen Watchers and their families remained. All agreed to be taken on by the Brotherhood as closely-watched researchers like Dr. Li. The only other option was prison with no guarantee of their families’ safety. Shiloh sighed. At least Dr. Li would be in the company of those who hated the Brotherhood as much as she did. It wasn’t real freedom, but it was the best they could do without imprisoning or executing them. They had proved too dangerous to simply be let free in the wasteland.

Only one scientist would be judged differently. Dr. Wikhard, the man from the top floor who built and programmed the gatling laser aimed at the Prydwen. He was one of the head scientists, and from their interrogations, the Brotherhood concluded that he was an outlier of the group and took on more terroristic methods. He loudly and openly feared the Brotherhood and sought vengeance for what they did to the Institute. With this evidence alone, Maxson ordered for him to be tried for his crimes. The trial would likely end in execution, just as Ripson’s would for directly betraying the Brotherhood. Maxson would keep them as prisoners in the meantime. The trials would have to take place at the Citadel.

Shiloh was sitting in thought as Haylen approached her, looking misty-eyed, “I never got a chance to thank you. For saving Rhys.”

“I didn’t save him,” Shiloh waved it off, “he saved me. That man’s a hero. Keep him close.”

Haylen blushed slightly, “I will. I already told him I’ll be with him through his recovery. Knight-Captain Cade said it would take a while, but he seems positive that Rhys is going to recover.”

“There were so many times that I had a companion like Rhys who didn’t wake up from bullet wounds like that. He’s tougher than anyone I’ve ever met. And I’ve met friendly super mutants.”

Haylen smiled, looking out over the bay like Shiloh was, “He’ll never tell you. So I will. I think he’s really glad he got to work with you. It’s not the same, but it’s helped after everything with Danse. He really needed someone he could work with who didn’t flinch away from his attitude.”

Shiloh laughed, “He’s all bark and no bite. But that man’s got a heart of gold. I’m looking forward to working with him again. I plan on recommending another promotion for him from Elder Maxson.”

Haylen blinked in surprise, “That’s going to mean the world to him, even if he acts like it won’t. Speaking of Elder Maxson,” she placed a gentle hand on Shiloh’s arm, “he was really worried about you. I-if you don’t mind me saying, Sentinel.”

The other woman smiled, still looking out over the bay, “I don’t mind at all, Scribe Haylen. I know that everyone’s concerned about my relationship with him-”

“It’s really not anyone’s business, ma’am.”

“I don’t blame anyone. They love him. Of course they’re concerned about his well-being and I’m a stranger, legendary hero aside.”

“I think,” Haylen swallowed, steeling herself for what she was about to say, “I think he’s lonely. And he has been for a long time. And it worries so many of us _because_ we care about him, but we know that isn’t enough.”

Shiloh turned to look up at the Prydwen as it floated gently above the airport, “I understand.”

“It’s just my interpretation.”

“I care about him,” she looked down at her hands, suddenly shy, “I care a lot. But there are a lot of things we need to work on. Mostly, we need to finish our business in the Commonwealth.”

Haylen sighed, “I can’t wait to be home.”

“Me neither. It’s been too long for all of us. I have so many places to visit and people to see.”

“So...you’ll be leaving us when you return to the Capital Wasteland?”

“For a brief time, maybe. But I’ll come back. The Citadel is all the home I’ve got.”

“What about Maxson?”

Shiloh turned to Haylen immediately, blushing red. She was surprised at the scribe’s sudden cheekiness, “Well you don’t have to be so blunt.”

Haylen laughed, “I like to be honest with you, ma’am.”

Grinning, the two women continued watching the bay. They could feel this stage in their lives ending. This would likely be one of the last times they could ever sit back and watch the Commonwealth skyline shining in the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As long as we’ve waited I won’t drag it out, but things are going to go a little slow. I hope the situation regarding Shiloh’s freezing has become clearer. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	17. Be Brave

Nora was glued to Shiloh’s side the entire evening. For a week now, the Brotherhood had been preparing for its journey out of the Commonwealth. All strike teams were back at the base and all they had left was to finish loading the Prydwen with supplies. Any remaining super mutant hideouts were turned over for the Minutemen to take care of. Maxson had been preoccupied for the entire week, surrounded by so many people asking questions that he barely had time to sleep, let alone talk to Shiloh.

The Sentinel was still sore from carrying so many supplies from the airport warehouses to the Prydwen. She rubbed her bruised arm as Nora handed her another glass of whiskey. Nora’s closest companions were here at the Castle for the evening. She wanted them to meet Shiloh while they had a chance. Shiloh was introduced to a ragtag bunch of friendly faces, including a super mutant that reminded her of Fawkes. He kept to himself in a less crowded area of the Castle, but kept a watchful eye on Nora.

Since the Brotherhood ban still stood for the Castle, Danse was free to sit with them without his armor. The stars were beginning to come out in the evening sky as the group sat around a campfire away from the crops. A ghoul named Hancock passed around jet, but few indulged him. After a bit of pestering, Shiloh agreed to speak on the record to a reporter named Piper. The upbeat woman scribbled on her notepad as she asked questions about the Lone Wanderer’s experiences in the Commonwealth. Shiloh supposed it was better that the truth got out than another set of rumors like in the Capital Wasteland.

Nora stood to walk inside, coming out with a boy holding her hand, “Shiloh, this is Shaun. He’s been wanting to meet you.”

The group grew quiet at the revelation. Shiloh had already talked with Nora about this. She knew the boy was a synth and that the real Shaun was Father. Still, she was surprised Nora would let her in on such a secret, but she knew that there were many things she could never tell Maxson. Nora sat in the chair next to her, Shaun in her lap. He was dressed in warm pajamas. Shiloh wondered if the boy knew he was a synth. She’d never told Harkness about his true self, knowing it would destroy the man’s reality.

Shaun straightened in Nora’s lap, gripping his mother’s arm, “I read the Wasteland Survival Guide you helped research. There are quite a few errors.”

Shiloh grimaced, “I wasn’t the best research assistant, but I’ll help correct it when I get home.”

“Are you going home tomorrow?”

“That’s the plan. I’ve got lots of work to do.”

“Can you tell me about your adventures before you go?” Shiloh indulged him, picking a story that wouldn’t frighten the boy. It felt strangely like when she told Maxson stories. Back then she had fewer to tell. She took care in the details she used, trying to prevent any scarring images. She talked through the evening to the boy, telling him about companions whose faces she could barely remember and places she would never go to again. Shaun was quiet, but focused on her. He suddenly yawned and Nora stood with him in her arms.

“Time for bed, darling.”

Shaun whined, but didn’t protest. He stood on his feet and gave Shiloh a shy hug. She smiled at his boldness. She didn’t miss when he hugged Danse as well, and his whispered, “Goodnight.” She watched as Nora led the boy inside, still smiling. As cruel as life had been to Danse, she was glad that this family was something he could have. She didn’t think he would have ever had this if he stayed in the Brotherhood.

She turned to see MacCready on her other side, smoking a cigarette. He looked a little choked up at the sight. Gently, she touched his shoulder, “You’ll be back with him soon.”

MacCready cleared his throat, “Yeah, I know, I just miss him a lot. Won’t be far behind you back to the Capital Wasteland. You’re still gonna visit me in Rivet City?”

Shiloh smiled, “Of course. You’re not far at all from the Citadel. I plan on visiting the purifier first, but you’re my next stop.”

“I’m gonna miss the Commonwealth, even if there are more bad memories here than good.”

“I’ll miss this,” she gestured to the group of people around them, laughing and smoking like old friends, “being Sentinel means that I’m treated like the teacher rather than a comrade.”

“Well if you ever want free of those stuffy Brotherhood soldiers, you know where to find me.”

She leaned back in her chair, watching as Nora returned to the seat beside her. She held up her hand when Nora offered her another glass, “I’ve got a bit of a trip back to the airport.”

“You can’t stay the whole evening?”

“Wish I could, but I’ve got an early morning tomorrow. Maxson is itching to get back to the Citadel. Speaking of,” Shiloh stood from her chair, “I’ve got to signal a vertibird here soon before it gets too late.”

She made her goodbyes with the group, shaking hands and receiving a grateful hug from Piper. Tugging on MacCready’s sleeve, she once again promised to visit him in Rivet City and he promised her a drink with his first paycheck as a guard. Danse once again offered her a handshake and she laughed, grabbing him into a hug. He hugged back, more receptive than the first time she’d done this. She felt a tightness in her chest, finally speaking, “I’m so happy for you. You’re going to be such a great father.”

Danse gave her a genuine smile, looking down at her, “Until we meet again, my friend.”

Nora wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked out of the Castle’s gate. Shiloh quickly wiped away the tears that threatened to fall. Nora stood back as she let off a vertibird signal. It would be fifteen minutes by flight for the vertibird to arrive.

The women stood on the beach, listening to the buzz of faraway stingwings. Nora smiled suddenly, “Alright I can’t stand it anymore. Tell me what’s going on with you two before I go insane.”

Shiloh blushed, wishing she could blame it on the campfire’s warmth. But she didn’t lie, “A lot is going on between us.”

She must have looked worried, because Nora sobered a little, “Life is short in this world, but don’t make any decisions you’re not ready for.”

“I like him, Nora,” she whispered, sounding sad even to herself.

“He likes you,” Nora comforted her again, “When it happened for me and Danse, we just knew. We both just knew.” Shiloh turned to look her in the eyes, “It’s scary, but that’s how it always is. He’s only been Elder for six years. You both have a long road ahead of you.” They saw the vertibird come into view and Nora pulled her in for a tight hug, “Be brave. Be the hero they want you to be. I know you will.”

Shiloh was at a loss for words. She gripped Nora tightly, “Thank you.”

Nora gave her a winning smile. The kind of smile that made the Commonwealth fall in love with her, “Remember us on your adventures.”

“I will,” Shiloh promised, filled with emotion as the vertibird landed. She climbed in, watching the Castle and all the people in it until they grew too small to see.

When the vertibird landed, Shiloh shakily climbed onto the Prydwen’s flight deck. “Are you alright, Sentinel?” A knight approached, worried.

“Yes, yes,” she waved him off, “I’ve just had too much to drink and not enough food. I’ll be alright.” She managed to reach the mess hall without stumbling, sitting in a chair with a bowl of mutfruit. She picked at the food, popping one berry into her mouth as she slumped in the seat. She didn’t look up until Teagan sat across from her. He gave her a lopsided grin when she said, “Who let you out of your cage?’

“Gotta stretch my legs sometime, kid. You alright there?”

“I had too much to drink on an empty stomach.”

“That hard to say goodbye, huh?’

“Yeah, it always is.”

Teagan took a sip from his bourbon, “Can’t wait to be back, though. I’ve got a hell of a task coming up with all that merchandise I gotta move.”

“Yeah I don’t envy you, Teagan.” Shiloh nodded in greeting when two knights entered the room to sit with them. Teagan seemed to know them as he entered into a conversation with one about warehouse logistics. Shiloh made her move to leave, feeling a little better now. She was still a little tipsy, but it was overshadowed by the strong emotional feelings overwhelming her.

She suddenly, fiercely, wanted to see Maxson. She wanted him to hold her again. She’d been rejecting comfort for so long that the minute she got it again she was hooked. And it wasn’t just that, she wanted Maxson for him. He was so warm and distracting. She wanted to make him smile again.

To her luck, he was definitely preoccupied. He stood on the command deck surrounded by soldiers from every branch of the Brotherhood. She stood in the back of the room, just content with watching him as he answered their rapid-fire questions. She grinned, biting her lip to keep from giggling when he briefly looked at her. He gave her a confused glance before a nervous scribe grabbed his attention once more. She slipped out of the room, heading down to her quarters.

Not bothering to dress in night clothes, she stripped off her casual attire and slipped into the bed in only her underwear. She sighed, rubbing her face before she allowed sleep to take her.

-0-

There must be something wrong with her. She was sitting with a group of scribes at a table near the airport warehouses. They were chattering among themselves and enjoying their lunch while she was leaning on the railings and looking out at the bay.

Only, she wasn’t really looking at the bay. She was daydreaming about Maxson. Now that her mind wasn’t preoccupied with missions or trying to investigate her own kidnapping, she was able to sit back and just let her mind wonder. And _boy_ was her mind wandering. She’d never considered herself the type to have such thoughts, but here she was.

The Brotherhood was cheekily considered an army running on testosterone and buffout by outsiders, but that wasn’t exactly a lie. They trained their men hard, and Maxson was no exception. While most men wore power armor or thick scribe uniforms, Maxson was one of the few who wore Brotherhood fatigues. She’d seen him without his jacket more than once and each time it was hard not to look.

She couldn’t imagine the trials he went through to put fifty pounds of muscle on his once lanky frame. He was taller than her and already proved he could carry her. She already admitted to herself that she kind of liked it when he ordered her around. She desperately wanted to know if he was the type to show off his strength in other ways.

She also wanted to know more about under his jacket. Just seeing him without the signature item was a privilege in the Brotherhood. Shiloh didn’t miss the gossip told about the rare times he was seen working out in the Citadel without a shirt on. No such things happened on the Prydwen, but Shiloh let her imagination keep running wild.

She sighed, leaning further on the railing. The other scribes left, leaving her alone now. She pressed her thighs closer together, realising that her imagination was affecting her physically. She couldn’t help it. He’d kissed her back, after all. She was going insane with nothing else to distract her.

If only she hadn’t decided to kiss him hours after surviving a traumatic event. If she had been in a better frame of mind, she would have pulled him to her bed. Now she was stuck here, hot and bothered in the afternoon sun while the object of her attentions was still surrounded by a bunch of needy soldiers.

Shiloh frowned, wishing she could just pull him away. She almost laughed out loud at that. Imagine her actually marching up to the command deck and pulling _the Elder_ away from his crew. She couldn’t imagine the embarrassment she would cause them both if she did that. Still...the thought was tempting. She really wanted to run her fingers down his muscled arms again and feel his beard all over her bare skin. She’d always liked beards and his was long enough to feel rough without the burn. She sighed out loud again, suddenly noticing a presence beside her.

She must _really_ be going insane to not have noticed Ingram walking up next to her. The older woman grinned. Shiloh didn’t like it one bit. “Look at you.”

“Look at me what?”

“Never thought I’d see you pining.”

“I’m not pining,” Shiloh fiercely denied, stiffening in defense.

“Relax, relax.” Ingram was still grinning, “I won’t tell the Elder you were daydreaming about him like a lovestruck teenager.”

“Oh my god, Ingram.” Shiloh hid her face in her hands and Ingram finally burst out laughing.

She sat at the bench in her power armor frame, wiping the sweat from her brow, “What are you doing just sitting out here in the sun?”

Shiloh removed her hands from her face, but shot Ingram a glare, “Pining.”

Ingram hadn’t been expecting that. She let out a surprised laugh, “How the tables have turned, kid.”

She suddenly stared at her fingernails, “You don’t think I’m some kind of creep?”

Ingram blinked, sipping her water, “What? For thinking about a man as a man? I have to admit that I don’t see the appeal but hey, whatever floats your airship.”

The younger woman blushed, “He’s just...so young.”

“So are you, kid. He’s technically the same age as you now. Besides, nobody in the entire Brotherhood looks at that man and sees a kid. So neither should you.”

“Of course not! I’m just a little disoriented from the time differences and seeing him so- so-”

“So gorgeous?”

“Ingram!” Shiloh paled when Ingram burst out laughing again.

“I’m just giving you shit, kiddo. You owe me this after you harassed me about Sarah.”

“I suppose so.” Shiloh pouted, desperate to change the subject. Her body was hot from both her fantasizing then her subsequent embarrassment, “Are you ready to head back?”

“I think so. Can’t say I’ve grown attached to the Commonwealth. So long as my hard work comes back with me I’m alright. I’ve got a lot of projects ahead of me in the Citadel. We should be ready by midnight. I don’t think Maxson wants to wait even another day.”

“I can’t blame him. Two years away from the Citadel. That place was practically all he knew for most of his life. It’s home, even if he wasn’t born there.”

“It’s home for a lot of us. The place has changed quite a bit, you’ll be pleased to see. One of Maxson’s first undertakings was improving the home base. He wanted to really solidify the Brotherhood presence in the Capital.” She took Shiloh’s hand, squeezing it gently, “It’s going to be a home for you too, whether you want that or not.”

Shiloh smiled, “Of course I want that, Ingram. I might be in and out, traveling all over the place, but I’ll always come back.”

“Glad to hear that. Now,” she stood from the table, “get up and help me pack up this equipment. Maxson can wait until you find a moment to drag him away from his duties.” She grinned cheekily when Shiloh glowered at her, but the younger woman did as she asked and followed her to the warehouses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter in the Commonwealth! Now I know not everyone has played Fallout 3 so I’ll do my best to explain anything specific. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	18. Possessiveness

Moving an army across the wasteland took time. When the Brotherhood officially pulled out of the Commonwealth, they left with more supplies and soldiers than they had arrived with. Maxson’s open policy to taking on new initiates proved successful in helping them take on every farmer’s son and daughter in the Commonwealth with some measure of interest. Though many would arrive to the Capital Wasteland as initiates, progress reports given to Maxson recommended them for official membership sooner rather than later.

The downside to the Prydwen’s significant weight increase was that the airship moved slower and was well and truly crowded. Shiloh opened her room to share with some of the scribes training under Haylen. The trip only took a week, but it was a week of torture. The Lone Wanderer was restricted to the confines of an airship and, perhaps most annoying, she barely got a word in with the Elder because the western elders were keeping him occupied every waking moment of the trip.

Knowing they should be getting close, Shiloh fiddled with a radio in the workshop area. She was biting her lip as she turned the knob, trying to listen through the static. Luckily the others left her alone to her ministrations. Shiloh wondered if her time would be better spent on the flight deck, but seeing the vast open world only made her sadder to be stuck on the Prydwen.

She tied back her hair, frustrated that it was growing past her shoulders. She would have to find a barber soon. _Barber, not stylist, there’s a difference!_ Butch’s voice rang in her head, annoying her. Sighing, she hunched over the radio and kept listening.

After another ten minutes or so, the Prydwen seemed to spring to life with excitement, signaling they were close. Shiloh jumped when Three-Dog’s voice suddenly burst through the static with his trademark howl. Gripping the radio, she scrambled to her feet and headed for the command deck.

She deftly ignored the meeting going on, walking right past Maxson and a few paladins to look out the large window. The radio in her hands played Three-Dog’s voice cackling and wishing the Capital Wasteland a good morning. Maxson dismissed the paladins with a nod of his head. He let out a sigh as he moved to stand by Shiloh. The Prydwen flew over the ruined skyscrapers of the Capital Wasteland as the radio played Billie Holiday’s “Easy Living”.

-0-

Ingram didn’t lie when she said the Citadel changed. Of course, Maxson was stolen away the second she could gather her bearings to speak to him. It had been long enough since they’d had a deep conversation that she began to feel self-conscious, a trait not common for her. Of course, she knew it was because she was experiences certain _feelings_ she wasn’t ready to name, yet. And her mind was preoccupied with wondering how exactly he felt. Maxson was the exact opposite of an open book. There was no way to tell how he felt about anything unless he actively wanted you to know. A perfect Elder.

She frowned, feeling a little down despite her excitement to be back in the Capital. She took one of the first vertibirds down to the Citadel. She was already exploring the new hallways while the Prydwen was still being tethered and Liberty Prime was being shut down for repairs.

Everybody at the Citadel was rushing around, busy as ever. She barely got to introduce herself to any of the new people. So far she didn’t recognize anybody she passed by. Initiates were filed into the renovated courtyard to begin drills by their sponsoring paladins. The weather was perfect, maybe slightly warmer than usual, and Shiloh was itching to finally stretch her legs. She began to wonder if she should bother staying for long. Everyone seemed to be slowly finding their places. The cargo was being unloaded to a designated warehouse area and technology was being taken to the lab.

She briefly considered finding Dr. Li again, but considering the woman would currently be dealing with Watcher scientists at the moment...Shiloh didn’t want to deal with that. She held an animosity towards them despite their intentions. It was their colleagues that kidnapped her and took her life away.

Avoiding the lab entirely, Shiloh headed to the inner circle, trying to memorize where all the new rooms and locations were. The A ring and B ring were largely the same, but a third and fourth area were being built into the Citadel. In the third area was a new section of officer’s quarters and the fourth would be storage much like the airport had. With the new improvements, the place looked much more like a larger version of the Castle. The courtyard was renovated with better shooting ranges and fully fenced off areas to train combat and working out. The paladins, knights, and scribes who stayed behind while Maxson was in the Commonwealth had been working hard on the area to make it look like a jewel of the Capital Wasteland. For Shiloh it looked more like somewhere that could be a home. She wondered if that was Maxson’s idea for it in the first place.

Two head scribes were walking down the hall as Shiloh was rummaging through her backpack. They paid her no attention, but Shiloh overheard their conversation:

“This simply cannot wait. We have two years’ worth of paperwork to go over with him.”

“I know, I know, but you heard the order. Elder Maxson explicitly said not to disturb him for the rest of the day. He’s just gotten home and needs some sort of break.”

“You’re right, but we can only hold this off so long.”

“He’s young, let him have a break. At least for a short while.”

Their voices drifted off as they turned the corner, but Shiloh had heard enough. She stared hard at the backpack she was rummaging through. Perhaps she was looking too much into it and Maxson just needed to sleep. But she couldn’t help standing and zipping her bag. She had a lot of things to do, a lot of places to be, and she didn’t want to waste time. But she didn’t want to just up and leave without at least speaking to Maxson. She might not get another chance before the scribes buried him in paperwork.

It took her a while to find her way around the officer’s quarters. She knew that at some point one of the rooms would be assigned to her, but she didn’t plan on staying around long enough for that to happen. Perhaps when she got back she would take one of the spare rooms. She climbed the stairs to the highest floor and quickly found the Elder’s quarters. There was a lobby area in front of the door where the guards kept watch. A desk and couch decorated the area, making it much more comfortable for the guards than the previous Elder’s quarters had been.

Shiloh wondered at first what she was going to say to them, but was surprised when the guard looked up from a magazine and nodded for her to go right in. She recognized the man from the Prydwen and tried not to think too much about why he just allowed her in wordlessly. Nevertheless, she knocked on the door.

Maxson opened it, looking exhausted but surprised. He was wearing the clothes he’d arrived to the Citadel in. The room was barren save for a few trunks and a bag that Maxson had just carried in. Shiloh slipped the strap of her bag off her shoulder and set it down on the floor, turning to the window.

A window. She approached it, peering behind the thick curtains. It was an honest-to-God window with glass and everything, overlooking the courtyard. She couldn’t hear any sounds through the glass, but the view dazed her. She quickly remembered herself, letting the curtain fall back to its place. She could feel Maxson’s eyes on her and it took everything in her to gather the courage to turn to him.

“You’re leaving.”

“Not for long,” she quickly replied, finally looking him in the eyes. He looked almost hurt and something tightened in her chest, “I’m not going far.”

“I understand,” she could tell he was just trying to make her feel better, “I know I haven’t been very available lately-”

“You’re the Elder. Of course you’re busy. It would be ridiculous to be surprised by it.”

“It’s not...not just that…” he admitted, sounding less sure by the minute, “There were times where I considered calling upon you, when I had just a moment’s rest, but I had a lot to think about.”

Shiloh stared at her feet, “Oh.”

“I apologize. I just needed time to consider my next move.”

“I’m not a battle plan, Arthur,” she couldn’t help but smile and he offered her one of his own, “Do you...do you still need time to think?”

Maxson sighed, shrugging off his coat and tossing it on the bed as he sat on the mattress, “No. I just want to talk, now.”

Shiloh moved to sit next to him on the mattress, taking the coat and placing it in her lap, “Would you like to know where I plan on going?”

He raised his eyebrows, looking surprised at her question, “Sure.”

“Well, after I stop by the purifier, I want to make my way to Rivet City.”

“Ah, yes, where your ex is.”

Shiloh blushed, staring wide-eyed, “I’m-, he’s not-”

“I can read between the lines, Sentinel. The Chief of Security and you were close.”

“It’s not like that, though. He’s just an old friend to me.” She wasn’t sure why she was being so defensive. It’s not like Maxson was her- was her- “I just want to see how he’s doing and I promised MacCready I would visit him and his son.”

“MacCready. The mouthy sniper Nora always dragged along with her. I suspected he was the one opting to steal you away from the Brotherhood.” She turned red, knowing he was teasing her, but he was being so dry about it that it had her feelings all jumbled up. Quickly, she turned away in a huff, trying to calm herself. Maxson seemed to have other plans, as he only made her blushing worse by gently taking her hand in his, “Tell me what Pittsburgh was really like.”

Shiloh blinked at him. She was hyper-focused on his hand holding hers and, craving the touch, she held his back. She’d told him this story before, a lifetime ago, when he was so young and innocent that she held all the details back, “You want to hear the real story of The Pitt?”

“I was so mad when I found out you held most of it back. I wanted to hear all about how you freed the slaves with the help of a man with an eyepatch.” He genuinely chucked then, warming her.

She turned to him slightly, “Alright, but it’s a long one.”

“I cleared my day for you. I have time.”

-0-

Maxson was woefully unprepared for the real story. The childhood version was a simply tale of the Lone Wanderer leading a band of enslaved workers through an uprising against a foe that reminded him of a power-armored version of Caesar.

They were both leaning against the headboard now, drinking from Maxson’s private stash as she went through the tale in full detail. Maxson gripped his glass a little too tightly at the idea of Shiloh, wearing barely enough to protect her, infiltrating a slave compound. He swallowed when she told him how she had to fight in a radioactive arena with a broken rifle while wearing a dead man’s armor. It made him think again of the type of fighting Caesar used to entertain himself back in the Mojave. He was glad that bastard was dead. If there was one thing he commended the NCR for, it was their hand in that.

“You’re thinking too hard,” he was ripped from his thoughts by Shiloh’s fingertips on his temple. She had stopped talking while he brooded, opting to stare at him. Her eyes were a bit dazed from the alcohol, but she was bright and alert still. He looked at her as her hand left his face and moved to play with the collar of his coat still on her lap.

“I hadn’t noticed you still had my coat.”

“I love it,” she said without skipping a beat. Then she leaned over to him and pressed her face to the top of his shoulder, “It smells like leather and bourbon.”

“Honestly I’m surprised I don’t bleed bourbon at this point,” he placed the glass on his nightstand, opting for dry humor, but inside his mouth was dry at her being so close. He hated how nervous he felt.

She was practically purring into his neck now, taking in his warmth and scent. He tried to hold in a groan. His neck was a really sensitive spot and he could feel her soft lips against his jugular. Her body shifted a little and he could feel some of the energy drain from her. Damnit, he was too busy in his own head that he was giving her the wrong impression.

Grabbing her hand and sliding an arm around her waist, he pulled her until she was half-way on top of him. She held herself up slightly with a hand on his chest, staring right into his eyes. Her face was really dazed now and she was giving him that same soft smile she had when they’d first kissed on the Prydwen. “Arthur, if you don’t want this…"

He stopped her by pulling her closer until her lips were on his. Of course he wanted this. _This_ was all he could think about every waking moment since he’d finally gotten a taste of her. Him wanting this wasn’t the problem, it was all the implications surrounding _this_ considering he was the Elder. He knew he wanted to kiss her and he had an aching, burning feeling that he was probably in love with her. But things weren’t as simple as just telling her. The Elder and a _Maxson_ one at that couldn’t have casual relationships. Since he was born he knew that his relationship would have to be all or nothing due to the importance of his lineage. The actual problem is that he had no idea what he even wanted, let alone what Shiloh wanted.

So he would need more time. And they would need to have a real conversation, without her tongue in his mouth. Speaking of that, she pulled back slightly with another questioning look. Before she could express her confusion, he pulled her back to him and she responded by nibbling his lower lip. He groaned genuinely now and she looked pleased with that.

“Finally,” she gasped into his mouth.

“Hmm?”

He was half-convinced he was dreaming when she responded, “I’ve been wanting this for so, so long,” she began to paw at the zipper and clasps of his flight suit.

He sat up slightly, taking her with him, and she kissed him again as he undid the fastenings and pulled his arms through the top of the suit. She moaned a little in appreciation when she ran her hands down his arms, feeling the hard muscle. He was achingly hard now and it was only strengthened by the noises she was making. He absently wondered if she was quiet or a screamer.

She ran her nails under his t-shirt and through the fine hair on his chest down to his navel, stopping just short of where his flight suit began again. He busied himself by pulling her into his lap as he sat against the headboard. Though she clearly wanted to run her hands along his abs some more, he felt her body relax as she moved to run her fingers down each side of his jaw. The kiss was softer this time, allowing them to break for air. Her lips were swollen and pink now, prompting him to only kiss her more.

She giggled lightly, breaking the kiss again to pull her own t-shirt off. Her Brotherhood fatigues were already half unzipped, a trademark attire for her by this point. It left her in her standard issue bra now, nothing lacy or out of the ordinary, but Maxson was dangerously teetering at the edge of sanity now.

“Lay back,” he whispered, looking into her eyes.

She bit her lip and he made note of her very visible approval of him giving her orders. Laying back against the mattress, she waited until he moved down and leaned halfway over her now. She swallowed thickly, running her fingers through his beard, “Do you need to stop until we ta-”

She was cut off by her own gasp when he leaned forward and kissed the top of her breast. So she was a gasper, he could work with that. As much as he really wanted to just spread her legs and bury himself in her, he knew that personally he wasn’t ready for that and their relationship had a few questions to answer before he could consider that. Still, he wanted to please her. He wanted to memorize this for the upcoming lonely nights when she would be gone. Despite his reservations, he wanted her to remember this and touch herself. That visual alone had him groaning again against her breasts as he kept kissing until he reached the edge of her bra.

Blushing pink and frustrated, she sat up and unhooked it before he got a chance to tease her more and she let the straps slip down her shoulders. He leaned over and kissed her fully, pressing his chest against hers. He didn’t miss the hiss she let out when she felt the skin to skin contact. He pulled back slightly, just enjoying the flushed look of her. He played with her hair, smiling despite himself. She smiled back, clearly giddy from his attentions. Suddenly, she grew serious and opened her mouth to say something.

He wasn’t ready. He really wasn’t ready to hear the revelation she was about to bring. Panicking, he quickly kissed her deeply and pulled her bra away from between them. She moved to kiss his neck like she knew he liked, but he beat her to it by lavishing her with open-mouthed kisses down her throat and between her breasts. Her body was lean and strong and athletic, but her skin was so soft despite her time in the wastes. He would have time to categorize and kiss her scars later. For now he was focused on feeling her. He held her breasts in his hands and she let out a whimper. She grew a little bit louder when he leaned down and took a dusky pink nipple into his mouth, playing with the other between his fingers.

He licked and sucked her breasts with gusto, leaving teeth and lip marks he wanted her to remember later. Let her remember that, independent hero of the wasteland aside, she was his. She was his Sentinel and she belonged to him. Being Elder didn’t come without its possessiveness.

“Arthur,” she moaned, keeping as quiet as she could, but she was blushing down to her chest and he continued licking and sucking her.

“Do you like that?” he moved up and kissed her neck, whispering into her ear. He felt her shudder, “Do you want me to mark you more?’

She nodded vigorously, “Yes, Elder.”

 _Shit_. That really did it. He kissed her collarbone, playing with her pretty nipples a little more before trailing his fingers down her flat stomach. Again, he could touch and learn about her scars later. They didn’t have a lot of time today if she still wanted to leave before nightfall. He would let her, of course. As much as he wanted her to stay, as much as he wanted the comfort and attention of sleeping in bed with her, he wouldn’t ever trap the Lone Wanderer.

Nibbling her shoulder, he felt her squirm as he played with the bottoms of her flight suit. Using his dextrous hand, he helped maneuver them from around her hips and down her thighs. She kicked them to the floor by her shirt and bra. She was pawing at him again, “I want to touch you. I want to taste you.”

 _Jesus Christ_. He was going to go insane, he was going to come just from hearing that. Keeping himself together, he shook his head, “Not today. When you come back.”

She pouted and he kissed it off of her, “Are you sure?”

“Positive, soldier, now…” he traced his fingers along her hips until she squirmed again, “be good and let me touch you.”

She let out a squeak, eyes widening when he reached below the band of her underwear and touched her. He groaned against her neck, losing some of his cool when he felt how wet she was. For him. _For him._ This was every fantasy from the last decade coming true and it overwhelmed him a little. He was overcome with the desire to taste her, to make her tell him how much she really liked his beard, but there was time for that later.

She kept as still as she could when he played with her clit. He’d only ever had Giovanna before this, but his ex-fiancee taught him well. He played with her hair with his free hand, “Relax, beautiful.”

She blinked at him at the nickname, shocked but pleasantly so. Suddenly, she reached up and ran her hand along the scar on his face. He shied away, losing some of his cool again. “Hey,” she whispered at him, “it’s you for me. Only you.”

It wasn’t the words he feared she was going to say earlier, but he could handle these more vague ones. He turned and kissed her wrist, “Good.” It wasn’t a direct confession. That needed more time, but it was enough for now. She smiled brightly, kissing him. He deepened it while pressing a finger inside her. She gasped into his mouth again.

He kissed along her jaw as she moved to grip the pillow by her head. He watched as she arched her spine a little while he pumped his finger, curling it slightly inside her. She whimpered, nodding when he added a second finger. He watched her breasts jiggle slightly when her hips circled around his fingers.

He felt her stiffen again and saw her toes curl in pleasure, “Hey,” he kissed along her face, distracting her, “you can grab me, okay?”

She nodded, biting her lip as her fingers released the pillow and she wrapped her arms around his back. He hissed in pain-pleasure when he felt her nails dig into his back when he pressed his thumb to her clit, “Arthur, Arthur,” she whimpered his name. For some reason, it was so much better when she said his name like this. Like it was a prayer rather than screaming it.

She kissed along his jaw, touching his scar with her lips. He didn’t realise how sensitive it was until she did that. She wouldn’t let him pull away in self-consciousness, continuing to kiss him. He pumped harder now, knowing she was too tight to add a third finger. She gasped his name again, clinging to him tightly. When he asked if she was going to come, she nodded quickly, barely able to answer before it happened.

Suddenly, his fingers were soaked. She was tensed so tight he had to rub her shoulders to get her to relax. Clearly it had been a while for both of them. She was panting, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes.

Curious, he laid on his back against the mattress and opted to taste his fingers. Shiloh glanced at him and moaned again, pressing her thighs together, “I still want to taste you.”

“Another time,” he was enjoying the taste, wishing the day was longer so he could taste it from the source.

She sighed, groaning when she turned to her side to face him. She traced her fingers along his chest, enjoying the hair and scars that decorated his hard muscles, “I promise. When I get back, we’ll talk. I won’t be gone long.” He turned to face her, playing with the underwear band across her hip. He didn’t respond to her question and she placed a hand on his face, knowing why, “You’re thinking too hard again. Is this about Harkness and MacCready?”

He didn’t look directly at her, knowing he had no right to be jealous. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She wasn’t his wife. “Just don’t forget us while you’re out there being a hero, Sentinel.”

He used the word _us_ and _Sentinel_ to protect himself a little. She smiled, kissing him softly before she sat up to get dressed, “I’ll think of you every day, Arthur.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet goodbye but things aren’t ending for this story yet. Fic has been updated with lore/grammar corrections as of April 2018.


	19. Complicated

The royal blue water flowing out from the purifier stood out harshly amongst the brown and gray wasteland. The blueprints laid out by her father and his team were built upon in the twelve years since Shiloh activated the purifier. Guarded heavily by soldiers in power armor, the Jefferson Memorial became another Brotherhood stronghold along with Galaxy Plaza and the Citadel. The soldiers didn’t pay her much attention, and those who did only nodded somberly. They seemed to know what this place meant to her.

Slowly, she approached the gift shop entrance, now upgraded to a proper entrance rather than just a rickety door. She didn’t realize her hands were shaking until she reached to turn the knob. The air was humid inside, a strange feeling compared to how dry it was outside. Before she could head to the main chamber and avoid the scientists bustling about entirely, she was stopped by Madison Li.

Shiloh cringed a little, feeling uncomfortable enough. She wasn’t prepared for _all_ her demons to be laid bare in her first visit here since she passed out with Sarah, “Doctor Li.”

“Shiloh,” the older woman nodded, “I heard you were visiting. I cleared out the area temporarily for you. It’s hard enough being in there without strangers staring at you.”

Shiloh swallowed, “Thank you.” Doctor Li led the way inside and Shiloh closed the door behind them. In their silence, only the rumble of the purifier could be heard. Slowly, she climbed the steps. The glass that separated her from her dying father was gone, but the steel floor he died on remained. This was her first time standing here in twelve years, counting the missing nine. She could hear her father’s voice echoing off the walls, _Run._

Shiloh took a shaky breath, looking up at the statue of Thomas Jefferson. His features were touched by nothing but the clear water surrounding him. Behind her, Doctor Li silently watched. Shiloh knew this place haunted her just as much.

Hesitantly, she reached up and touched the glass, taking a breath that sounded loud in the silence, “I miss him.”

“Do you hate him sometimes?”

Shiloh was surprised at the question, but answered truthfully. If she lied, Doctor Li would know, “I used to. Back when I was stumbling around the wasteland with a greaser and smoking too much. Everyone called me a hero and I just wanted to crawl back into that vault and return to being a normal dweller.”

“What changed?”

She took a moment to answer. She couldn’t lie to Doctor Li, but she knew the woman’s hatred for the Brotherhood. Instead of providing details, she replied, “The wasteland grew on me. I learned to thrive rather than just survive.”

“And you found your place with the Brotherhood.” Shiloh should have known better than to hold anything back from the older woman.

Walking back down the steps, she approached Doctor Li, “Yes.”

“Listen,” Doctor Li looked beyond her years from stress, “I’m not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t feel about these people. You’re an adult. But I won’t pretend Maxson isn’t holding me hostage here. Project Purity isn’t my baby anymore. I don’t belong here with these people. And I’m going to keep raising hell about it as long as I have a voice.”

Turning back to look at the purifier, Shiloh remembered how her father admired Doctor Li. Even after 20 years, he still cared for her like a partner and a friend. He wouldn’t have wanted this for her. Holding her ground, Shiloh turned back to face Doctor Li, “I’m going to free you from the Brotherhood.”

Doctor Li crossed her arms, exasperated, “Just because you’re Maxson’s girlfriend doesn’t mean he’s going to change policy for you.”

Shiloh tried to ignore her blush, “I’m not his girlfriend. And I’m not going to ask him to change policy. I’m going to find him someone to replace you.”

Doctor Li looked slightly amused, “Good luck finding someone good enough on your search.”

“I’ll need it,” Shiloh returned the smile, “but I will get you out of here. I promise.”

“I suppose I ought to thank you, but I’ll save it for when you keep that promise.”

-0-

Once back outside and away from Doctor Li, Shiloh walked until she reached an area less heavily guarded. She slipped her pack off her shoulders and slid down against the wall. Her breathing grew erratic and her eyes stung, overwhelmed at seeing the place where her father died. She didn’t know what the Enclave ever did with his body. She didn’t want to know. It’s not like her mother’s body likely got better treatment. The wasteland couldn’t provide things like proper burials when it only meant attracting rabid animals. Biting her knuckles, Shiloh brought her knees to her chest, hugging herself.

She stayed here, listening to the flowing of the purifier’s waters through the large storm drains. She looked up when she heard a guard’s voice.

“You can’t stay here. This is Brotherhood property. Move along.” Shiloh stood, peering around the corner to see a group of dirty and barely dressed individuals being chastised by a soldier in power armor.

“Please, we can’t keep going. Our friend is hurt.” Shiloh made her move when she approached and recognized the clothing they were wearing.

“Knight,” her voice caught the guard’s attention, “they’re runaway slaves. Let me deal with them.”

The knight looked unsure, looking between Shiloh and the slaves, “Of course, Sentinel.” He left the immediate vicinity, but she could feel him watching from a ways away.

She knelt down by the injured slave, ignoring him when he tried to flinch away, “Either you let me use a stimpak or you lose this leg. This cut looks deep.” The slave relented, but didn’t speak to her. The apparent leader of the group watched as Shiloh cleaned the wound with her own supplies.

“We don’t mean to trespass. We were on our way to Rivet City, when Alan collapsed. He got caught on the gate we climbed over to escape our masters.”

“What group do they belong to?” The slaves paled at her question, too afraid to provide information. Shiloh sighed, knowing she would have to change tactics. “The people here...they call me the Lone Wanderer. I’ve killed more slavers than people you’ve met in your life. I don’t let slavers do business in the Capital Wasteland.”

The slaves still looked unsure. While the Lone Wanderer was notorious for clearing out slaver hideouts in the Capital Wasteland, the hero was also rumored to be a man in his thirties. Shiloh knew she was taking a gamble, but they wouldn’t trust her any other way. After a moment, the leader spoke, “Call themselves the Red Lights. _All slaves stop here_ , they like to cackle when they drink too much. Slavers, rapists, murderers, they’re the whole package. You’d go after them?”

Shiloh finished wrapping the would and helped the injured man to his feet, “Every last one of them. You should head to Rivet City. It’s not much farther. Take these,” she handed them a couple more stimpaks, “trade them for food.”

Instead of refusing, the leader took her up on her offer and nodded, looking a bit overwhelmed. “If you really are the Lone Wanderer, you should head to Megaton. Only reason we’ve heard about you is some lady we were trading with for food. Got a bit of a shrill voice.”

Shiloh smiled, “Moira. Yeah she’s a friend of mine. She’s sold me every bullet I’ve planted in a slaver’s head.” After the slaves gave her the location of the Red Lights’ headquarters on her pip-boy, she waved them goodbye as they headed for Rivet City before it got too dark.

Shiloh’s smile faltered as soon as they disappeared in the distance. Slavers. She spent the better part of three years completely destroying all slave trade in the Capital Wasteland. It reminded her of why she was in the Commonwealth in the first place. Ripson’s voice echoed in her head, _“Just due north of here. I’ve got intel that the key to the Commonwealth slave trade is just north of the Glowing Sea. But we can’t waste Brotherhood resources outside a team of volunteers. We’re willing to go just to help you out, Lone Wanderer.”_

Shiloh frowned, remembering how grateful and excited she’d been that Brotherhood soldiers were actually taking an interest in her mission. After the hellish trials she’d experienced in The Pitt, she felt a weight on her shoulders for every shackled person in the Capital Wasteland. That was something she couldn’t tolerate. And as far away as the Commonwealth was, she would go as far as needed to free people.

Abandoning her plans, she lifted her lighter bag and headed back to the Citadel. The location she’d been pointed to was much further than Rivet City and even Megaton. Not only would she be gone longer, but she would be going further. She supposed she should at least inform Maxson of her change of plans. He wouldn’t like it.

-0-

She was right. He didn’t like it.

They stood face to face in the armory, a side room of the lab. He had been examining his prized laser gatling gun, looking for something to occupy his mind. To his surprise, Shiloh walked in, but the words coming out of her mouth filled him with frustration.

Then she brought up Madison Li and a whole new kind of feeling occupied his mind, “Absolutely not, Sentinel.”

“She’s working under duress.”

“You sound like her when she screams at me that she’s a hostage. She’s an _asset_. We spared her the fate and prosecution other Institute scientists were getting and in exchange she works for us.”

“She fulfilled her promise. Liberty Prime is more powerful than ever and you’ve got so many scientists on hand that you don’t need her.”

“Sentinel…” he didn’t dare use her first name, as angry as he was. But he was a professional and instead of blowing up, he gave her a hard stare, “she stays here. Whatever sentimentalities you have, keep them. My word is final.”

“I’ll find you someone to replace her.”

He rubbed his eyes. The tension between them was thick. He really didn’t want this. Their farewell this morning was nice. Him shirtless in bed just relaxing as he watched her dress. Damn him, but it felt domestic. Her leaning over to kiss him as he clasped the last strap of her chestplate. It took all of him not to just pull her back under the sheets. Unfortunately, there were quite a few things in the way of a proper relationship with her, and he was feeling those things right now as he frowned at her.

One of those things is that he didn’t know how to have a relationship with a subordinate while maintaining his status with her. “No, Sentinel.” He crossed his arms.

Shiloh frowned at him, giving him a look of disappointment he didn’t think he deserved. There it was, another reason they weren’t in a relationship. She still didn’t fully comprehend his type of Brotherhood. And that he would make many decisions she wouldn’t be happy with. Those included keeping Madison Li around.

“Fine,” she straightened, not giving him an ounce of emotion, “I’ve got a tip about a group of slavers I need to take care of. I’ll be gone a while.”

“How long is a while, soldier?” He couldn’t help but ask, even though it shouldn’t matter. It did.

“We’ll have to see, _Elder_. It could be weeks. I’ll send word.” And with that she just left. He shouldn’t have felt as shrugged off as he did. Anger and confusion clouded his judgement as he moved to keep working on his gun.

He looked at the clock. His next meeting wasn’t for an hour. He could rest, or work on his gun in silence, but found that he needed to vent. He pressed a button on the terminal, “Have Giovanna meet me in the armory.”

-0-

Giovanna walked in like she owned the place. In reality, she almost did. She placed her hands on her delicate hips, raising an eyebrow at him, “You look mad.”

“Save it,” he rubbed his eyes.

“Then don’t interrupt my packing with your attitude,” she laughed.

He let out a long sigh, “I need to figure this shit out before it consumes me.”

Giovanna looked a little serious now, sitting on a stool by his workbench, “This about the woman you spent all morning with?”

“People are already talking.”

“Of course they are. You’re the Brotherhood’s golden child and the Elder.”

“Ugh,” he scoffed, staring at the opened paneling of his gun, “spare me that.”

“I would but you need me to figure out your feelings.” He’d be more offended if that wasn’t true.

“Just...help me out here.”

“You dealt with my father’s temper so I can’t exactly deny you. And I suppose it is different coming from me, considering I’m not one of your soldiers,” she straightened on the stool, “Well, first of all, do you love her?”

Maxson stared at the wall in thought, “Yes.”

“ _Love_ love her?” she teased.

He bristled, “ _Yes_.”

“Is she worthy enough to bear your children?”

He grimaced at Giovanna’s words, “That sounds so crude.”

“It’s the question the western elders are going to ask you.”

“I suppose,” he sighed again, setting his tools down, “This is exactly the problem. I can’t just...be a normal person with her. For her. For one, I’m her fucking _Elder_. And for two, this whole goddamned organization is waiting with baited breath for me to have children. How am I supposed to ask the Lone Wanderer to settle down and bear children just to be with me? That’s ridiculous.”

Giovanna’s eyes widened at both his cursing and his revelation, “Lone Wanderer? You didn’t tell me it was _her_. That makes things much less simple. Also more poetic, it’s kind of romantic.”

“Giovanna…” he warned.

“Okay, okay, sorry. I wish I could help more but that’s something you’ve got to ask her.”

“I don’t think she will be talking to me anytime soon.”

“Hmm,” Giovanna placed a thoughtful finger on her lip, “I _might_ stick around long enough to see how your first fight works out. Maybe work my magic a little.”

“Giovanna you _really_ don’t need to do that.” He was kind of terrified at the prospect of Giovanna meeting Shiloh.

“I know I don’t. But I _might_. I do think it would be a treat to meet the Lone Wanderer.”

“Really, Giovanna…” he started but she waved him off.

“No thank you necessary. See you around, Elder. Go back to your brooding.” She slipped out of the armory with gracefulness he hadn’t seen anywhere else in the Wasteland. Maybe they weren’t meant to be, but Maxson hoped her eventual husband held a lot of patience.

-0-

It was easier to work alone. While she missed the company of a partner on the road, infiltrating a slaver base was easier by herself. As good as anybody was with a gun out here, not many people were good at acting.

It took her three days of constant walking to get here. She was fueled mainly by her frustration with Maxson and her frustration with slavers moving back into territory she protected. She didn’t know what she was expecting from the Elder. He could be caring and inspirational, but he ruled the Brotherhood with an iron fist. She already had to hold back her own feelings towards synths, now he was expecting her to allow Madison Li to spend her last years as a hostage. Not going to happen.

Things weren’t certainly going as planned. She’d planned to be sitting in Rivet City right now, drinking with MacCready and pining over Maxson. Instead, she was on another journey to correct things that went wrong like it was her duty while holding nothing but anger inside her. Letting that go for the moment, she focused on the slaver that was currently leering at her.

Shiloh swore she was going to burn this place to the ground with a fat man if he tried to ask her to sleep with him for a slave. Wouldn’t be the first time she was asked. She continued posing as a buyer as she was led through the camp. She tried to give nothing away as she was faced with the slaves, dirty and dehydrated. They were jolted awake when her guide rapped his baton on the fence.

She pretended to be interested in the strongest man in the group and her guide led the slave toward her. The man held hate in his eyes for her. It made her feel sick, but she knew it was only temporary until she could free him. She asked her guide sweetly to fetch the gatekeeper for her and he hesitated before obliging. As soon as he was out of sight, she whipped her head towards the slave, “Get everyone back as far as you can. I’m here to release you.”

Instead of staring at her blankly like some had before, the man immediately obeyed and dragged the others to the back of the pen. The last thing she needed was any of them killed by a stray bullet.

As soon as the gatekeeper approached, she pinpointed him and shot him down. The firefight that followed was brutal, given the amount of slavers in the group. When the job was done, she took the keys from the gatekeeper’s body and freed the slaves. She told them to take the clothing and weapons off the bodies and follow her. Megaton was less than a day’s walk away and they could make it halfway before stopping for camp if they kept a strong pace.

The slaves changed their clothes and loaded their new weapons before grabbing everything they could from the food and medicine stores. The large group headed straight for Megaton, with the Lone Wanderer leading the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Oh the humanity. Fic has been updated as of April 2018.


	20. One in the Leg

Out of all the hugs she received after waking up in the cryo pod, Moira’s was the tightest. She could be a very touchy woman, matching her affection and appreciation for the work Shiloh did on her book. Work that Shiloh planned on picking up again to improve the manual.

“Who are your friends?” Moira smiled at the ragtag group behind Shiloh.

“Former slaves I freed. The Red Lights are crippled if not gone.”

“Oh that’s nice to hear! Would you like to trade for some food for your group?”

“Absolutely.”

The group was able to trade enough with Moira for enough caps to buy the whole group a hearty meal. The man Shiloh had talked to before, David, was already making plans for the group to move on and find work in another settlement. Shiloh left them there, as they were able to grab enough sleeping bags from the Red Lights to be comfortable for the journey.

After getting intel and more location points from the group, she bid them farewell and rejoined Moira in her home. She was surprised to see the same bodyguard standing against the wall from 12 years ago, “Hey Randall.”

“Hey kid,” he nodded as if she had been here yesterday.

“Randall’s still around?” she asked Moira as the two women sat at her workbench.

Moira giggled, “Randy’s taken a liking to me, I think.” Shiloh raised an eyebrow. Guess Moira wasn’t a _girl_ to the merc any longer. She changed the subject, asking about what Moira had been up to. “Lots of trading, a little bit of writing. Hard to get too much done without my research assistant. Nobody seems to want to work with me,” she sighed.

Shiloh smiled, looking at the paperwork scattered across Moira’s desk, “Let me know how I can help.”

“Oh, I was hoping you’d say that!”

Two hours and five assignments later, Shiloh was exhausted. She had just enough time to meet Harden Simms, Megaton’s new mayor and sheriff, and his wife Maggie for dinner. They caught up a little, Maggie giving her gossip she got from her adoptive father Billy’s experiences in the bar. Shiloh specifically avoided Moriarty’s, not wanting to acknowledge that scumbag if she could help it.

Harden gave her the spare key to her house and she took the long route, taking in the sights. Megaton hadn’t changed one bit. Perhaps a bit more crowded. The place was long overdue for an expansion. The bomb had long ago been scrapped for parts and the Children moved out, undoubtedly her handiwork. She tried not to think about that too hard.

Jericho’s house was dark and quiet as she passed it. Harden told her nobody bought the place yet because they didn’t want to deal with all the repairs. Shiloh sighed and turned away from the home, heading toward hers.

She remembered Jericho fondly, one of the few people that would. The former raider was strong and tough, her first companion outside of Vault 101 and he was perfect. He took her stormy nature in stride and didn’t ask questions. They had the perfect partnership. Unfortunately, he was also the first companion she’d lost. Age caught up with him and an older man couldn’t handle radscorpion venom like a younger man could. She didn’t know what to do when he died.

Despite spending months with him trying to not care about anything in the world, she cried and cried like a child the nights after he died. It was a while before she could take on another companion.

Shiloh frowned. That one died too.

She opened the door to the house, shaking off the dust from the mattress and setting her bag down. She weighed her options. Head back to the Citadel or straight for Rivet City? In total, it was almost a week since she was gone. She wondered if she should stay away longer, just to be petty.

Rubbing her eyes, she groaned. She was a goddamned adult. She could handle rejection. Only this wasn’t her life on the line, it was Madison Li’s. Somehow, some way, she would convince Maxson to understand.

She sighed into the silence. Things just could never be simple for her. She had to go and... _have feelings_ for not only an Elder, but _the_ Elder. Probably the most complicated and frustrating person to have feelings for in the world. Harkness was easier, even if he was embarrassed by the age difference and consumed by his own workload. Butch had been the easiest. They could be two young adults exploring the wasteland and each other. They had a strange codependency. Perhaps that’s why it didn’t work out.

She wondered what would happen if she just asked him. If she just pressed him to the nearest wall and asked him if he wanted her to be his. That’s how things had gone down with Butch after all. None of that subtle, slowness like with Harkness. She couldn’t afford that in this world.

Then, a thought hit her out of the blue, as her thoughts often do. What _exactly_ going steady with Arthur Maxson would mean. _Holy shit_. She sat up, wide eyed. There’s no way that the other elders weren’t expecting children. There was _no way_ , absolutely _no way_ she would ever be a candidate for that. Physically, there was nothing wrong with her aside from the radiation that everyone else had, but...there were a lot of reasons she would never measure up to that. Did she even want that? She’d been running around focused on surviving and saving people that she hadn’t imagined ever bearing children. The thought scared her beyond measure.

No.

No, things with Maxson couldn’t continue any longer. Not when _that_ was a factor. She just couldn’t be the things he would want. Or the things the western elders would want.

She felt sick and sad, knowing she would need to head straight for the Citadel. She couldn’t put this off any longer.

-0-

Shiloh stumbled across the rocky path by the water’s edge. It wasn’t quite beach, and there were no mirelurks about, but there certainly was danger.

She supposed nothing she’d done in the Capital Wasteland came without retaliation, and some Red Light stragglers got a hold of her description somehow. Mercenaries were one thing. They could usually be talked down or out of their hunt if she was smooth enough. Revenge-bound slavers? Well those were a whole ‘nother level.

She’d managed to finish them off, despite the ambush they placed on her as soon as she was near the Irradiated Metro. She’d taken the long way home, planning to arrive back four days after her dinner with Harden and Maggie. It was a mix of dread at having to break things off with Maxson and her own curiosity to see if the area was still infested with feral ghouls. No ferals in sight, but she was met with five thugs in slaver gear carrying hunting rifles. She quickly assessed that they were the pump action types, that were cheap and abundant in the wasteland. It made their shots slower and she was able to dodge with ease, picking them off one by one from behind a car. When the fire fight was over, Shiloh slumped against the vehicle, grimacing at the bullet wound in her calf. She couldn’t see an exit wound. _Shit._

Limping, she sifted through the bodies, finding naught but a couple of bottle caps and some ammo she could pawn off later. The hunting rifles were too poor of a quality to be worth carrying back to the Citadel.

She managed to limp up to the fortress just as the sun began setting. She was shaking now with effort, feeling the bullet in her leg with every step. She couldn’t tell how much under the armor Nora’d given her, but she knew she was bleeding a lot from how wet her pants leg felt. Mix that with a diet of brahmin meat and only the water she could carry after a week, she was starting to wobble on her feet. The guards straightened in alarm as she limped toward them.

“Sentinel,” one started but she shook her head.

“Don’t freak out. I just need help to the medical bay.”

“Of course, ma’am,” moving from his position near the sentry bot, the guard called over a man clad in standard combat armor to help her inside.

She had to pause a few times on her way across the courtyard. Each time, the initiate helping her asked if she was alright and she couldn’t muster the energy to reply to him. She was shaking visibly now, trying her damndest to stay awake so she wouldn’t need to be carried down to the B ring like a sack of bloody potatoes. Plus, she wouldn’t wish anyone to carry her around in her heavy armor.

Sawbones met her when they reached the medbay, saying something loud and probably horrendous but she was too out to of it to decipher what he was saying. Numbly, she allowed the initiate to help her onto the gurney and she began to remove her armor. The clasps were frustrating, but she managed them open, dropping the pieces on the floor until she was only clad in her sweaty and bloody Brotherhood fatigues.

She spared a weak glance towards the initiate before unzipping the uniform. The man seemed to get the message, turning his back on her and standing outside the room by the door. She pulled the uniform off, now clad in a sweaty t-shirt and pants in tight material. She never went on missions without at least two layers of clothing under her armor, remembering cold nights shivering without a campfire to draw feral ghouls.

The wound was certainly bloody. She couldn’t tell how bad it was. Trutfully, just looking at it was making her dizzy. Cade took this moment to enter the room in a rush, taking one look at her before putting on his doctor face. He turned to what Shiloh assumed was a nurse beside him, “Two bags of O-Negative and a bullet kit. Stat.” The nurse nodded and left as Cade approached, taking a pair of scissors from a drawer.

She weakly leaned back on the gurney-turned-bed as he cut her pants up from the ankle to right above the wound on her calf. He was fixated on examining the wound, but she knew he was waiting for an explanation, “Got ambushed by a group of slavers seeking revenge on my way back. Hunting rifles, .38mm rounds.”

“Revenge?”

“I might have helped release all their slaves and burned down their slavery ring. And killed every member I could find.” It might have been brutal by Cade’s standards, but she held no regrets at what she’d done. First off, it wasn’t the first or even the tenth time she’d done that. Second, you chose your actions out in the wasteland and you paid the consequences if you wanted to do horrible things. People like Cade might not appreciate her brand of justice, but it was black and white to her.

He sighed, but didn’t say anything to her in response. She wondered if it was because he knew he was wasting his words, but it was most likely because she far outranked him now and hadn’t given him permission to be frank with her. She might give him that permission eventually, preferring that he didn’t hold his tongue with her.

She stared at the ceiling as Sawbones rattled on encouraging words and the nurse returned to Cade’s side. He warned her beforehand, but it wasn’t something she could really prepare herself for. Morphine and any sort of painkiller was nearly nonexistent in the wasteland after 200 years of people abusing them for highs. The best he could do was a cleansing stimpak and a hope that she would pass out as he dug out the bullet. She didn’t scream, as much as she wanted to, but she did pass out.

Her nails were still dug into the fabric of the gurney when she finally woke up ten hours later. It was early in the morning now, just in time for most of the Citadel to wake up and get to work. Sawbones loudly informed her that the bullet hadn’t shattered her leg bone, but it did do a bit of muscle damage and she would need to avoid using her leg for a week or two. He helpfully provided her a pair of crutches and she frowned.

Sawbones floated outside as she examined the crutches. She swung her aching leg over the side of the gurney and tested out the crutches with her weight. She lifted her head when she heard the reprogrammed Mr. Gutsy salute outside her room. Of course it had to be Maxson visiting her. She swallowed, wondering if it was appropriate to break things off with him in a medical room in front of Sawbones.

Knowing how Maxson felt about Sawbones, she thought that might make things worse.

“IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU ELDER MAXSON?”

“Er, no, Sawbones. That will be all.”

“DUTIFULLY SIR I WILL KEEP GUARD.”

Both Shiloh and Maxson grimaced as Sawbones floated out again to stand guard and possibly harass passerby for check ups. Still halfway off the gurney, Shiloh looked at Maxson awkwardly. Of course, they hadn’t spoken since their exchange before she left. And she hadn’t bothered sending any word or updates to the Brotherhood in the almost week-and-a-half she was gone. She rolled her shoulders, feeling them pop from moving after such a long sleep, waiting for him to speak first.

He did. “You storm out of here and come back a week later dying from blood loss.”

Shiloh played with the mark on her arm where the IV needle used to be, “I wasn’t dying.”

“The scared initiate who helped you down here certainly thought you were.”

“He went to you?”

“Straight to me.”

Shiloh sighed, knowing that the Brotherhood likely had an inkling of what was going on between the Elder and the Sentinel. She should just rip off the bandage, end it now, but seeing him stand there disappointed with his arms crossed, she couldn’t.

There were so many hard decisions she’d made in her life. She’d literally chosen to throw away her life for her father’s project and that decision was easier than the one before her now. He looked angry and tired, and it hurt that she knew she was the reason.

“I didn’t get shot being reckless. I was ambushed.”

The Elder persona dropped a little, “I know. And I can’t stop you. But you can’t crawl into my Citadel trailing blood after you and expect me to be okay with that.”

 _Shit._ She couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, turning to look at the wall. _He cares_. Trying to keep her voice steady, she spoke, “After storming out of here in anger.” Suddenly, he approached her, placing his hands on her hips to steady her. She left the crutches by the wall, not needing them now. She breathed out, “Maxson…”

“I don’t know what we are. But I know you’re my Sentinel. That’s not just a subordinate position. You and I have to see eye to eye on everything. We need to be on the same level. And,” one of his hands moved up her back to play with her hair, “you can’t look at me with contempt and then come back bleeding.”

She reached up to play with the lapels of his jacket, mindful of her bad leg, “Not contempt.”

“Might as well have been,” he leaned forward, his breath on her lips.

She wanted to bring up the conversation again, but now was not the time. Her wants were a bit eclipsed by how much she wanted Maxson, “Stop teasing, Arthur.”

“Time for that later,” her murmured before kissing her. She sighed into it, gripping his arms tightly. Damn her leg, she wanted him to slam her against the wall, even if it would hurt her tired body. She couldn’t imagine ending things with him now. How could she have even toyed with the idea?

Reaching up, she wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her back onto the gurney. They didn’t break apart until they heard a clatter from the doorway. They both turned to see the nurse who worked with Cade looking like someone just slapped her. She paled, still staring until Shiloh cleared her throat. Picking up the clipboard she’d dropped, she finally spoke, “Sir, Knight-Captain Cade asked me to find you before the conference in the Great Hall.”

He didn’t look at her, his blue eyes instead looking at the wall above Shiloh, “I’m on my way, scribe.”

The nurse flushed, awkwardly backing out of the room. Maxson grew serious, slowly straightening himself. He didn’t seem embarrassed, only like he was lost in thought. Shiloh moved a little closer to him, “Hey, what is it?”

“Just a few unpleasant meetings coming up. A few unpleasant decisions.”

“You can tell me, Arthur,” but he backed away, distancing himself.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with, right now. If you’re still around, I’ll call for you when I have some free time tonight.”

So he was definitely still sore with her. She wouldn’t apologize for being passionate about Madison Li’s freedom, and she would continue trying to convince him, but she would try to have more of a professional conversation with him. So long as they tried to keep their hands off of each other.

-0-

Hours later, Maxson was still in the Great Hall. He was probably buried in paperwork and she wouldn’t bother him when he had enough on his plate. She was a little embarrassed to use the crutches, but had no other choice if she wanted to reach the mess hall. The room was small by Brotherhood standards, but more comfortable than the mess hall on the Prydwen.

Sitting at a table with a plate of warm food, Shiloh was surprised when a stunning woman sat across from her. She looked like she belonged in a club in Goodneighbor instead of the Citadel.

“You must be Shiloh. I’m Giovanna, Arthur Maxson’s fiancee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Giovanna isn’t meant to be an antagonist. She just likes to stir things up. Fic has been updated as of April 2018.


	21. Maxson's Brotherhood

A pause. A long pause.

The woman sitting across from Shiloh waited for her eyes to widen in horrified realization. Then she finally spoke, “But I dumped him.”

“You…” Shiloh found she wasn’t very hungry anymore, “you dumped him?”

“Mmm, yeah.” Giovanna looked curiously at Shiloh’s food, “Ugh, you have a stronger stomach than me.”

“Back up. Back up to the part where you’re going to marry Maxson.” Even in her shock, she didn’t dare address him as _Arthur_ to a stranger.

Giovanna wrinkled her nose, “Yeah, no thank you. Arthur was cute as a teenager, but brooding soldiers are more...your type.” Shiloh didn’t miss the smirk, almost leaning away from it.

In multiple ways, Giovanna was a factor that would tilt Shiloh’s world off its axis. For one, she didn’t do well with that sensual, strong-willed and beautiful type of woman. Women could be hard enough, being raised by a single father all her life, but ones like Giovanna were foreign to her.

For two, Giovanna proved herself to be the personification of her self-consciousness about her relationship with Arthur. Not saying anything, Shiloh narrowed her eyes at Giovanna, taking her in. She was beautiful and confident and looked rather healthy. Not a hair was out of place. This was what the Brotherhood expected of someone in a relationship with Maxson.

Pushing her plate away, Shiloh reached for her crutches to get up and leave as gracelessly as one could with a bad leg. Dropping the smirk, Giovanna stopped her with a hand on her wrist, “I’m not here to upset you. I’m just trying to figure you out.”

Shiloh sat down, but cringed a little, “What’s your angle?”

“I still love Arthur.”

“Great,” Shiloh got up to leave again, but Giovanna spoke before she could even stand.

“No, not like you do. I want what’s best for him.”

Focusing on Giovanna’s first sentence, Shiloh glared, “You don’t know anything about me.”

“So you don’t love him?”

“Is harassing strangers what’s best for him?” She pointedly ignored the question.

“No, but harassing _you_ is. I know all about you and your history with the Brotherhood. Arthur may be a living prodigy and the toughest man I know, but he’s always had a bleeding heart. _Lone Wanderer_ or not, I want to make sure your intentions with him aren’t alternative.”

Shiloh felt her stubbornness tearing her apart inside. She wanted to be offended that anyone would believe she was using the Elder. Hadn’t she done enough for the goddamned Capital Wasteland? But...she couldn’t be mad. Because she remembered Sarah having the same worries. Over a shared dinner between the two of them, Sarah expressed that she was torn between protecting Maxson from the people who would try to use him and letting him learn those lessons on his own. It seems, in Sarah’s absence, Giovanna had been that friend to help the Elder when Shiloh was sure he didn’t think he needed it. Sighing, she answered truthfully, “I have no intentions with him. Things are more complicated than they should be. But I’m loyal to him and I trust him. I wouldn’t be Sentinel otherwise.”

“Do you fully understand the Brotherhood you’ve chosen to be a part of? It’s different than it was with Sarah Lyons.”

“It’s...something else we need to talk about.”

“You two need to talk about a lot.”

“He was supposed to have a meeting with me today, but he’s probably swamped.”

“Do you want me to just grab him?”

Shiloh almost laughed, if the situation wasn’t so jarring, “It’s alright. I’ll just occupy my time with other things until I heal.”

Giovanna glanced at the clock, standing up, “I’ve got other things on my agenda, too. Don’t go running off too soon. I’m not done meddling yet.”

The other woman flashed her a smile, but Shiloh was too unsettled to return it. Taking a calming breath, she forced herself to actually eat and headed off to find her weapons.

-0-

Two days. He practically slept in the Great Hall from how much every little department needed him for something. Every spot of the table was covered in paperwork. The archives needed updating, every Brotherhood foothold needed fortifying, and every soldier needing assigning. Traditionally, the Sentinel would play a pretty vital part of this planning, but he knew better than to ask Shiloh if she wanted to help position soldiers with him all day.

It was late now, almost 2am, when he was finally free of most of the signing needed. A lot of the work could be diverted between the Proctors now and he was able to stretch his legs. He would have thought Shiloh was asleep by now, until someone mentioned in passing that the Lab’s lighting was still on because someone was working in the workshop.

Already having an idea of who it was, he knocked twice on the door to the workshop before opening it. Shiloh had her back to him and was humming along to the tune of the radio. “Easy Living” by Billie Holiday filled the room from the radio in the corner and he leaned against the wall, just watching.

Her hair was tied back with fabric and she was wearing the standard issue tank top and fabric pants that most Brotherhood soldiers slept in. She looked...different...domestic. Workshop fantasies aside, he liked seeing her looking so relaxed. The only thing off about her was how she favored one leg, still healing from her bullet wound.

She turned slightly, finally glancing at him in surprise. She quickly reached over and turned down the radio, “I thought you were another scribe coming to tell me to go to bed. I didn’t think they would send you after me.”

“They may have mentioned you, but I came of my own volition.” He deadpanned, trying not to grin.

She wiped her hands on a towel, putting the gun she was working on aside. “Here’s as good as anywhere for that meeting.”

“I suppose,” truthfully, he was way too tired for this conversation. But who knew when they would have another chance. She looked uncomfortable, so he started it. “I’ve spared you from the technicalities and planning because we both know you would be better suited away from that. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you joined us knowing full well that this isn’t Sarah’s Brotherhood.” She nodded, growing somber at the mention of Sarah. He would talk about those memories with her at another time, a more personal time.

She frowned at what she was about to say, “The world doesn’t trust the Brotherhood anymore.”

“It is because we have become ruthless out of necessity. Our resources were so thin when Sarah came to power that if we continued Owyn’s ways, if we continued giving all we could to every soul who came across our path, we would have collapsed. Sarah knew that. And I know you didn’t like it, but Sarah became ruthless. When I took over, I finished what she couldn’t start because I was willing to take on the reputation that would get me. The western elders may be blind to many things, but they are not blind to the dangers of technology in the wrong hands. My work to eradicate this world of synths has convinced many that I plan to destroy all ghouls and everyone else in my way. This is a misconception. Anyone I’ve made the order to destroy has been done so because they stood on the side of the synths.”

“Like the Railroad.”

“Exactly. Which I will not apologise for. Those people were dangerous. And if this wasn’t the kind of world that it was maybe they could have been convinced with words. But I will stand by my decision. They funnelled out things programmed by the Institute into the world. It was a necessary evil.”

She nodded and he knew what she was thinking. She was thinking of Danse. And she didn’t have to say the words in her head. _A necessary evil is still an evil._ Somehow, it still struck him a little. He waited for her to say something on the subject, but instead she changed it, “What are you plans now? There’s no Institute here.”

“Here we fortify and we reclaim. Our main bases of operations are here; the Purifier, the Washington Monument, and the GNR Plaza. Those areas need new fortifications and more personnel to do them. Additionally, we will be taking back more areas and eradicating the super mutant menace that still plagues a large portion of the wastes. The settlements in the area can be side projects and Proctor Teagan is working with them on trade routes. Proctor Ingram is in charge of most of the fortifications and Proctor Quinlan is focusing on technology still hidden in many buildings and factories. That is my Brotherhood, Sentinel. I’m not here to kill everyone who stands in my way, only those who stand in _humanity’s_ way.”

To his surprise, Shiloh smiled a little, “You may be different than Owyn, but your plans are still to help people.”

“Of course. I’m not a monster, despite my reputation in Underworld.”

Shiloh grimaced a little, imagining the kind of things a city of ghouls had to say about Arthur Maxson. “I’m sure.”

“Do me a favor and don’t tell me what you hear when you visit there.” Her eyes widened at his awkward crack of a joke during their serious conversation. She smiled.

“I won’t say a word.”

“So…” he took a breath, “now we’ve had the unpleasant conversation of how the entire world things I’m a power-hungry bigot and I’m asking you to stick with us.”

“Elder, are you asking me to be your Sentinel?” she teased and he frowned.

“You’re making this harder.”

She untied the fabric around her head, letting her hair fall free, “I already accepted the position. It’s not even a question that I’m sticking around.”

He still had one more topic to cover with her. The _relationship_ one. But it seems she had other plans. Tired from the past few days and tired from the anxiety of trying to explain his entire life’s goals to her, he simply allowed it when she approached him and pressed close to him. She smelled like gun oil, intoxicating him a little.

“Not even a question, huh?” he ventured, still not quite believing she would even remotely accept his way of things. He knew she believed in the individual, be them ghouls or monsters. And he knew how she felt about Danse, likely about other synths.

Her expression grew serious. He couldn’t tell quite what she was thinking about. If he had to guess, it had something to do with Giovanna. The brunette woman approached him yesterday teasingly about how she talked to Shiloh, but wouldn’t give any details. However, he didn’t bring it up because that would mean bringing the whole relationship conversation up. She was still giving him a serious look and he waited for her to speak. “Arthur, I’m not going anywhere.” Realising her words, she quickly corrected, “Well, I’m actually going lots of places. But I’ll still come back, I’m not going anywhere in terms of the Brotherho-”

He kissed her to stop her rambling, causing her to smile into it a little. She sighed, grabbing at his jacket again like she always liked. He wondered if it was because the leather was smooth and cool, or because of the muscles of his arms underneath. He broke the kiss to breathe, looking a little dazed, “I’ve been thinking about doing that for two days.” It was an intimate statement, a little more than he meant to admit, but she looked pleased.

Playing with the buckle of his jacket, she pressed closer, eyes on his, “Jacket off, Elder.”

“I quite like this jacket.” he smirked, not moving despite her pout.

“I know you do. I like it too, but right now it needs to come off.”

He shrugged it off after opening the buckle, tossing it onto a table. He really did like that jacket, but he was a little occupied at the moment. Since his second day of being back in the Capital Wasteland, he went without the black Brotherhood fatigues. He felt more comfortable now in a standard shirt and buckled slacks. Wearing a one-piece outfit for two years got old. Shiloh kissed him again, moaning when he wrapped his arms around her and dug his fingers into her hair. She pressed closer, feeling the hard lines of his body against her softer curves.

She wriggled her hips lightly and he quickly stilled them with his hands, clearing his throat. He was already hard as hell and his slacks were doing nothing to hide it much. She broke the kiss to trail her lips down his neck as her fingers played with his shirt, “I want this off too.”

He glanced up at the room around them, “I have a perfectly good bedroom, you know.”

“Mmmm,” she was still breathing against his neck, “I don’t want to wait.” She pulled back to look at his surprised face, “Later we’ll have a conversation about how everyone in the Brotherhood thinks you’re incredibly attractive, but for now, off,” she tugged at his shirt a little.

He rolled his eyes to hide his own blush, “Fine, fine,” he pulled off his shirt, tossing it with the jacket. She immediately ran her hands down his chest, purring in appreciation.

“I’ve been thinking about _this_ for two days,” Before he could take matters into his own hands and begin taking her shirt off too, she placed her hands on his abs and kissed down his chest. He felt his heartbeat go wild when her lips reached below his navel. _Oh shit. Oh fuck._

He moved to protest, be a gentleman about it, but his mind was fuzzy and she grabbed his hand to tangle it in her hair. He cleared his throat, growing embarrassingly red when she opened his belt buckle and unzipped his trousers. She looked up at him them, looking pretty with shiny eyes and swollen lips. “Do you want me to stop?”

He leaned his head back against the wall, free hand gripped so tightly his knuckles were white, “Absolutely not.”

Still, his breathing was a little fast and she quickly stood to kiss him sweetly, “I want to taste you.”

 _Fuck._ He swallowed, “Sentinel...Shiloh…” he didn’t know what he was going to say. He couldn’t form words very well at the moment. Shit, this wasn’t his first time, he wasn’t some shy virgin and his own nervousness frustrated him, but this was her, _her_ , practically begging for him like he wasn’t going through one of the greatest moments of his young life.

He was the goddamned Elder, able to strike fear into his enemies with his name alone, but he was absolutely wrecked when she sank down again and freed him from his briefs. He didn’t even get a chance to blink at the sight of her hungry look at him before she took him into her mouth. Surprised, he slammed his hand into the wall beside him.

She licked his cock feverishly, not even focusing on his expressions. His hand was gripped in her hair, but he didn’t push her head as she sucked on his tip. He was biting his lip so hard it almost hurt to keep from making any noise. Her breathing was heavy when she pulled off him and looked up, “Good?”

He nodded, voice strained, “Yes.”

She smiled, cheek pressed against his thigh as she pumped him with her hand. He felt a little exposed with her just watching him as he came apart. His muscles flexed with each pump and he let out a full groan when she licked the tip again as her hand continued pumping.

She nodded, moaning in appreciation at hearing him so vocal. With her free hand, she pushed his clothing further down and cupped his balls. It caused him to actually thrust into her mouth and she moaned again in pleasure.

Well shit, if she liked it rough that was his specialty. Abandoning the anxiety and the need to be gentle, he gripped her hair tighter and experimented with thrusting into her mouth. Her hand prevented him from going too far and he could actually see her blush in approval. She was rubbing her thighs together, noticeably wet from her ministrations.

He tried to pull her off when he came, but she shook her head and pressed closer, deep as she could go as he came into her mouth with a low groan. He immediately let go of her, allowing her to pull off and wipe her mouth as he pulled his pants back up. He was sweating more from nerves than exhaustion but his breathing was hard.

She sat back on her legs, biting her lip as she enjoyed the view of his naked chest and abs. He watched her eyes follow the trail of hair from his navel down into his pants. He hadn’t really gotten the chance to show off his strength with her, but he proved it by pulling her up fully and slamming her against the wall. She gasped, staring right into his eyes as she blushed a deep pink.

For a moment, he wanted to forget himself and just enter her. Just take that final step that he desperately wanted. He had the energy and the libido to do so. And he knew how he felt about her. But, he stopped himself. They still needed that conversation where he would have to drop his pride and bare his soul to her. And they couldn’t do that with his hand in her pants. If he took that plunge and she didn’t want what he had to give he...he didn’t want to think about it.

So, without telling her directly, he did his best to tell her as he touched her face and kissed her. With his other hand, he shoved her pants down her legs along with her underwear and she kicked them off as she kissed back.

He could sink to his knees and return the favor, just taste her, but he was selfish and he wanted to kiss her. He was rougher with her this time, only gentle with his mouth on hers as his fingers pumped into her mercilessly.

Her leg was curled up around his hip as he added a third finger, feeling her tightness squeeze him. He kissed her as her moans turned into a shriek of his name as she came. She gasped for breath into his neck, resting her head on him in exhaustion. Suddenly, she smiled into his neck, “My leg hurts.”

He pulled back, helping her back into her clothes. He pulled on his shirt and jacket, feeling heavy with exhaustion. Why couldn’t they have done this in his bedroom? He didn’t know how to ask her to sleep in his bed, and they still hadn’t had _that_ conversation yet, but he did gently brush her hair back into place as she smiled sweetly at him.

They exited the workshop and went their separate ways when they reached the quarters. It just wasn’t time yet.

The next day was Ripson’s trial and, when he sent someone to find her, Shiloh was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Lone Wanderer has a tendency to go wandering off. Fic has been updated as of April 2018.


	22. A World of Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter that there is a bit of psychological horror and elements from the Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC.

Three days and several miles later, Shiloh was dreaming.

The air tasted familiar. Vegetation and humid air, almost suffocating. She was high, involuntarily so. Only, something was different. She was...older. Instead of a ragged kid dressed in too-big leather armor, she was her current self.

Slowly, she trudged through the swampy waters, desperate to escape the foggy jungle. She avoided the bodies floating in the water, not stopping to identify them. Her stomach was in coils, fearful of the things she would see behind every corner.

Feral ghouls snarled in the air around her, disappearing before they could sink their teeth into her skin. As she looked somewhere, _anywhere_ , for a weapon, she found him. Jericho sat propped against a boulder, a long, rotting radscorpion tail sticking out of his chest. He was still breathing, clinging desperately to life as the poison and trauma made his chest muscles clench in pain. She tried talking to him, asking about the injury and what she could do, but all he could make was wet breathing noises. He looked at her, old eyes marked with wrinkles and bloodshot from the venom. As she had in life, Shiloh stood and left him, trying not to look back. If she had a weapon she would have just put him out of his misery.

Then she came upon an odd scene. Remnants of a building and a bar stood out of the swampy waters. The concrete walls made a corner and in it stood the bodyguard Charon. He stood with his arms crossed and everytime she tried to speak he would reply with a firm “No.” She tried to explain to him, desperate for him to understand that she couldn’t afford his contract, she couldn’t kill an innocent person just to free him. She blinked away tears. In all ways but name he was a slave and he was the only one she’d ever met that she couldn’t free.

Dogmeat’s bark made her jump. She chased him, barely noticing that he was see-through. When she tried to hold him, tried to pet him, he turned to dust. Just like he had under laser fire. She watched the dust fall through her fingers and let out a sob. Snapping up her head, she was faced with the mighty super mutant Fawkes. A friend, a true friend who made her smile and laugh when she thought the wasteland made her forget.

But Fawkes wasn’t a friend here. She dodged a mighty sledgehammer blow, letting him slam the weapon down violently into the water. She yelped when he nearly caught her. Only by luck was she able to avoid his grasp. She ran, boots sinking into the mud beneath the water as she heard Fawkes scream behind her: “You let me die by Enclave fire, girl!”

No, no no no. She didn’t mean to. There were too many of them. The Enclave soldiers had power armor. She thought his minigun would protect him. But he was no match for ten soldiers with gamma guns. As she ran, the jungle changed and vegetation grew around her. She suddenly came to a halt when the vines revealed Star Paladin Cross wearing her prized power armor. Only it was dented and scratched. Every part of the skin she could see was marred. Her face barely clung to her skull. Shiloh’s eyes widened in horror, unable to speak. Through broken teeth and torn lips, the woman that had helped her father across the wasteland spoke: “Beware of deathclaws.”

A growl behind her made a shiver run up her spine. She didn’t even turn to look. Desperately, she began tearing at the vines for a path as the footsteps came closer. The deathclaw behind her snorted, growling low in its throat. With blunt nails, she managed to tear through the vines and scramble down the bog.

She couldn’t tell if the sound in her ears was drums or her own heartbeat, but it was loud as she tripped and fell into the water. Mud splashed on her face as she braced for the beast’s claws in her back. They didn’t come, but she looked up to see the alter her mother’s skeleton was perched upon. A vision that haunted her for years and years. The balloon floating from it mocked her with its brightness. The messages weren’t there, but she could hear it clear in her mind. _Blech. If my kid looked like that, I'd abandon it too._

Unable to control her fear at the vision before her, Shiloh clutched her head and screamed, trembling violently. The voice still mocked her. _Dead mother, life in a post-nuclear Wasteland and not a friend in it. Yeah, you aren’t exactly blessed._ She felt the scar across her skull beneath her fingers with its dirty stitches and was suddenly unable to breathe.

-0-

She groaned, a heavy feeling in her head different from the phantom stitches in her skull. Her eyes were closed, but her lips moved as she whispered to herself. “Forget Lookout Point. Forget the Sacred Bog. None of it was real.”

She moved to touch her hair, but her arm was pinned down by heavy rocks. Confused, she opened her eyes and saw nothing but concrete above her. Sunlight peered through the cracks. Blinking, she tried to sit up, shifting the material around her.

She was under a collapsed building. The memory came back to her. She had been hunting around super mutant hives for Moira’s new book. The crazed woman wanted to know more about their society. Not a particularly difficult job for one who was sneaky enough.

Shiloh was not sneaky enough. Not clearly thinking, one super mutant in the group activated a mini nuke in his hand as soon as she shot down his comrades. He didn’t get very far. She was sure he meant to chase her out into the open, but one crack shot directly at the nuke blew him up and sent the building collapsing on top of her.

She tried not to breathe too much, not wanting to cough up dust for the next week. She wiggled all her fingers and toes and rolled her shoulders. So nothing was broken and she wasn’t paralyzed. She had quite a few scrapes and bruises and she was sure her bullet wound stitches were torn open, but she was more or less fine.

Shiloh dug herself out of the rubble, searching for her gun and bag. She remembered Vault 101’s lessons about the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. system and decided that all of her points must have been dumped into Luck.

With her bearings gathered, she made her way across the shaky concrete until she found the road again. It was still afternoon and eerily quiet.

She popped her back and stretched her arms, checking her ammo supplies. She’d prepared well beforehand in the little time she had between leaving Maxson and deciding to run away like the emotional coward she was.

She frowned. Physical affection wasn’t particularly easy for her either, but she found herself so happy and intoxicated with Maxson. And he clearly wanted her just as much. But afterwards she felt an air of words unspoken and the idea scared her. She didn’t know if he was preparing to tell her that he wanted a relationship with her or if he was preparing to tell her that they couldn’t be together because she wouldn’t fit with the Elder’s expectations. Worse, what if he asked her to be his concubine? She’d heard of Elders having them when they were tired of their wives or just not interested in marrying the particular woman. She didn’t think Arthur would be the type…

 _Ok, Shiloh. Slow the fuck down_. She groaned, running her hands through her hair in frustration. Part of her, the logical part, knew she should just sit down with him and talk about it. But the bigger, louder, stubborn part of her said to hell with that and kept her running.

She’d been so preoccupied with hovering around super mutant nests and avoiding her feelings, that a sudden realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

The trial.

 _Shit_.

Ripson and the others involved with the Institute were scheduled to be tried the day she left. She’d been actively avoiding it entirely. When asked, she refused to be a witness and just wrote her testimony down. She and everyone else knew that it was all a formality. The crime of treason would end in a swift execution and Maxson wasn’t the type to spare someone who betrayed him.

Instead of going further like she’d intended, Shiloh sat down on the cracked road, frustrated and sighing. She suddenly felt immensely lonely. She couldn’t talk to anyone about this. Everyone she had a close enough relationship with was either inside the Brotherhood or disliked it. She couldn’t imagine telling MacCready about her relationship with Maxson.

She needed to get her shit straight. No stubbornness, it’s all got to be out in the open. She unzipped her bag, sipping at a purified water as she squinted up at the sky. _I want to be in a relationship with Maxson._

There. She said it. Er, thought it.

Nothing more complicated than that. That’s what she genuinely wanted. She liked him. She liked him a lot.

Shiloh groaned, rubbing her face in her hands despite how dirty they were. She _loved_ him.

Finishing the water and standing, she reloaded her modified laser rifle and turned back towards the Citadel. There was a super mutant hive on the way and she could make it back within a day if she kept pace.

-0-

A day and three hours later and Shiloh was back to a familiar position. She was perched on a destroyed concrete porch overlooking the super mutants. With handwriting she would have to fix later, she scribbled down notes on their behavior patterns. She didn’t know why Moira was so interested. There wasn’t much to them. They didn’t breed or form emotional bonds. All they did was hoard and kill. Boring.

She quickly put away her notepad when a chunk of concrete fell off the porch from her weight. It caught the super mutant’s attention and, by the time he got close enough to investigate, she had her laser rifle ready and popped a shot right into his eye.

The super mutant shrieked before it collapsed, alerting the whole group. Another one roared and Shiloh braced, but the sound was drowned out by the engines of a vertibird in front of the crumbled building.

Shiloh hopped off the balcony, narrowly escaping the path of the super mutant as she ran around the side of the building. She ducked behind the wall, knocking down the super mutants one by one with precise shots as the vertibird landed and unloaded. She took a moment to peek around the wall in confusion.

Another vertibird landed next to the first one as a group of soldiers in power armor poured out and began firing immediately upon the super mutant hive. Just as Shiloh made her way to notify them of her presence, she felt meaty hands grab her. Before she knew it, she was held up 7 feet in the air, kicking her legs violently.

The super mutant holding her cackled as it tugged her backpack off and tossed it aside. Her hands held as tight as they could, but it easily ripped her rifle away too. It scoffed at the weapon. She struggled in its grasp as it walked with her to the front of the assault, where the Brotherhood soldiers were meeting the super mutants. Most if not all of its comrades were mowed down by the superior weapons. Avoiding direct fire, the super mutant took a route around the side of the building to carry her off to where less soldiers stood. It was effectively using her as a meat shield.

She took an opportunity when the super mutant was distracted to pull her arm free and plunge the knife from her boot into the super mutants neck. It gargled and screamed, dropping her immediately. She coughed with the impact, but made it to her feet to get a running start.

The broken stitches in her leg were making it more difficult to run and she was reduced to limping through the excruciating pain. She tripped across broken concrete, stumbling but running for her life. She yelped when the super mutant picked up a hunting rifle and popped a shot at her. She felt the bullet graze her side, tearing the skin under her shirt. She cursed, wondering why she chose not to wear the heavy armor on her trip. _It’s not easy to sneak in,_  she reasoned to herself as she collapsed onto the ground. Crawling as fast as she could manage with her bleeding leg and side, she clawed at the dirt when the super mutant came behind her and grabbed her leg. She yelled, making it as hard as possible to drag her back.

She closed her eyes, preparing to be shot in the head or dragged off to be a meat shield again, but a shot rang out. The super mutant collapsed behind her, the knife still sticking out of its neck. Glancing quickly at the dead abomination, she continued her crawl.

Apparently she’d run pretty far. She was positioned on the front lines now, to her luck. Struggling through the pain, she looked up to see a pair of soldiers in power armor. The one on the left was reloading his gun, having just shot the super mutant down. Her attention focused on the one on the right. His armor was dark, almost black. Elder armor. She blinked in surprise. _Maxson in the field?_

A woman in fatigues came to her side, telling her to hold still. She ignored her, trying to struggle to her feet, but as soon as she stood, she slumped over. The woman caught her and another man came over to help. The blood was soaking through her shirt and her vision became blurry as she looked to the woman holding her up.

She put a hand on the woman’s shoulder, barely noticing that it was covered in blood. “It’s not safe for the Elder to be out here,” she muttered.

The woman stared at her, wide-eyed, “Th-the Elder is very capable, ma’am."

She didn’t understand. Shiloh was a bad omen in the field. It was bad enough she had to be with others in the Commonwealth. Rhys had barely survived their partnership. She remembered her dream, remembered all those who died when they tried to work with her. She struggled to slur again, “It’s not safe. For any of you.” With a ringing in her ears, she felt her weight overwhelm her and she couldn’t hold on. She was tired. Everything went black.

She didn’t dream this time.

-0-

With a dose of super stimpaks, stitches healed much faster. That’s why, when Shiloh woke up from the blood-loss coma a week later, her side was almost fully healed. She frowned, knowing immediately they used super stimpaks on her. Those were neither cheap nor plentiful and shouldn’t have been used on her. She was fine with regular stitches and healing, even if she broke her previous ones.

Her tired back popped as she sat up, dressed in only a tank top and her underwear. When she was able to stand, she began rummaging through the drawers by the bed for a pair of pants. She slid them up her legs as a scribe came through the door.

The old woman frowned, shaking her head at her patient’s stubbornness. Shiloh frowned right back. She wanted a bed, not some cold medical room with people watching her. Instead of lecturing her, the old woman handed her a pair of combat boots and a hooded jacket to wrap up in. Shiloh nodded in thanks, “I’m just going to my bedroom. I won’t exert myself.”

“Sure, dear,” the scribe seemed to believe her, but was still none too happy she couldn’t monitor her in a medical environment.

She weakly made her way to the officer’s quarters. It was getting chilly outside, the temperature making her toes ache in her boots. Luckily, she was able to walk on her healed leg and her side looked fine save for an ugly scar. The bullet had apparently torn the skin, but didn’t take a chunk out of it like a laser weapon would have.

She was so tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally. If things were easier and she was bolder, she might have knocked on the Elder’s door. But she didn’t. She couldn’t just put her heart on the line like that when she didn’t know what he pictured their future to be.

And there was the very likely fact that he was angry with her. She’d bailed without saying a word and got herself into a world of hurt. Yeah, make that a guarantee he was mad. She’d never faced his wrath personally before, but she’d heard about his temper when he was pushed to the edge. She couldn’t handle that right now.

She found her room, pushing open the door with the key from her muddy backpack the scribe had returned to her. There was nothing personal inside the small room, but it was warm and the blankets were thick. Not taking off her pants and hoodie, she slipped under the covers. She tried not to think about the nervous looks the other soldiers gave her as she slept the day away in warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic has been updated as of April 2018.


	23. Confessions

It was by coincidence that he watched her bleed out like that in front of him. An immediate initiative after the trials was to begin purging the immediate area of super mutant hives. The hive they’d come upon was the closest to the Citadel, only half an hour or so by flight. And a decision he’d made, one that most of the Brotherhood disagreed with, was that he would personally see to the purgings. He was cooped up and frustrated. The sacking of the Institute and the subsequent battle at the airport had reawoken a need to be on the front lines. He was a fighter at heart. It wasn’t common for the Elder to participate in fighting, but it was also not unheard of. Especially for Maxsons.

The fact that they saved her only by coincidence made him angrier. He was stewing in his frustration, snapping at anyone to dared utter a word at him. His temper couldn’t be reeled in even when he removed his power armor and the adrenaline wore off.

He was, quite frankly, pissed. He couldn’t remember being this angry since he was a teenager and it was entirely _her_ goddamned fault. He stormed to his quarters, not even looking at the guard who nodded to him. When he closed the door, he yanked the curtains open and watched the courtyard while drinking directly from a bottle of whiskey. Damn he wanted to smoke, but he didn’t want the smell to cling to his bedroom.

Cade came for him sometime later, wisely not mentioning his temperament. He remained professional, updating Shiloh’s status as well as he could. She’d bled out a lot, but the bullet only grazed her and would require stitching.

“Use the upgraded stimpaks.”

“Yes, sir,” Cade could have argued, said that those were saved for more dire circumstances, but Maxson’s expression kept him quiet. He was being biased, sure, but he would commission for more if it was that big enough of a deal.

Eight days later, and he got news she was awake. His temper had only gotten worse, thanks to Giovanna making her leave to Chicago. The older woman was upset she didn’t get to talk to Shiloh more, and warned him to make things right with her, but he’d waved her off and bid her a goodbye. Truthfully, he felt her absence. She was by all accounts his closest friend. But he couldn’t let emotions overwhelm him. His poor furniture could only take so much abuse.

A scribe knocked on the door and he opened it, wishing he’d had a proper office to stew in but it was later in the day and he was openly drinking again. He almost missed the command deck. The Great Hall was as much of an office as he could have, but the room made him feel claustrophobic. The scribe introduced herself as a nurse to remind him of her caretaking of the Sentinel. She was clearly annoyed, but kept her words crisp as she let him know Shiloh had briskly woken up, removed her IV, got dressed, and went to sleep in her own room. He rolled his eyes, openly annoyed, but dismissed the scribe with a thanks.

It was the next late afternoon when he left a meeting with Ingram in the Great Hall. He headed for the courtyard. He was planning on checking in on progress with the drill sergeant. The Paladin saluted him, rambling off numbers and which recruits needed more work. He gave his permission to promote those who earned it before the Paladin brought something up to him.

“Sir, the Sentinel’s been out here all day. We’ve left her to her devices, but something seems to be bothering her. We haven’t approached to keep our respects.”

Frowning, Maxson nodded in reply. “I’ll deal with her, Paladin.”

He hadn’t even seen her in the shooting range. She was working with a gun not personal to her, a standard laser pistol. She was dressed warmly in pants and a hoodie, but her stance was uncomfortable as she was trying to use the gun with one hand. A recruit was standing near her, watching intensely as she spoke to him, “It’s important to practice with smaller guns and at a disadvantage. You’ll never knew when you only have one hand to pull the trigger.” She seemed to speak from experience and only stopped when the recruit saluted him a little too loudly.

“Elder Maxson, sir!”

“Stand down, soldier. I need to speak with the Sentinel.” The recruit nodded and Shiloh shifted uncomfortably, clutching the pistol close like it was precious. He crossed his arms, “Since when have you needed weapons training?”

She looked at the pistol in her hands, “I’m not good with anything one-handed more advanced than a .10mm. I prefer rifles. And that super mutant wrangled it from me easily.”

“Yeah, I know. Follow me, Sentinel. That’s an order.” If she was offended at him bossing her around, he really didn’t care. He wasn’t going to blow up in front of the whole Brotherhood.

He strode right past the guards to his quarters, not even acknowledging them. He was being a little violent with the door, but tried to remain as calm as possible. When he shut it, he faced her with arms crossed.

She didn’t look scared, not exactly. But she was clearly bracing for his anger. She wasn’t used to direct confrontation because the only one who ever did that with her was Sarah. Breaking the silence, he tried to keep his voice even as he spoke, “If you want to leave the Brotherhood just say so.”

She blinked in surprise, “Arthur-”

But he didn’t let her finish. “I thought I made it clear that you and I were to stay on the same page. Apparently you’re more interested in running away and getting yourself killed.”

She bristled, “I had work to do.”

“Infiltrating super mutant camps without backup is your job, now? We have trained units with power armor and superior weaponry to face them.”

“I’m studying super mutants for a friend in Megaton. And I’ve taken on super mutants before.”

“It only took one to down you. Don’t bullshit me, I fucking watched him shoot you.”

“This is what I do, Arthur. Why are you surprised by this?”

“I’m not surprised. I’m tired, and I’m not going to sit idly by and allow you to get yourself killed.”

“So, what? You’re going to kick me out if I don’t comply with your regulations?”

“I have no regulations for Sentinels. I’m strongly suggesting you bring back up.”

“No,” she suddenly looked terrified, “no, no backup.”

“God damnit,” he slammed his fist on the wall, “are you running away because you’ve got a death wish?”

“I get people _killed_ ,” they were both yelling in earnest now, “I can’t get anyone else killed.”

“These soldiers,” he pointed toward the window, where the curtains were closed but the light peeked through, “know what they signed up for. For you to die because you think they can’t back you up-”

“ _Please_ ,” her voice dropped to a whimper, “please don’t ask me to kill any more companions.”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, “If you don’t want to be here-”

“Stop saying that.”

“Stop running away,” he glared at her. She seemed to shrink from the intensity of it.

“I-I have to leave sometimes. You knew that.”

“I didn’t say stop leaving. I said stop _running away_.”

She backed up a little, still looking terrified, but not at him. Something was scaring her. “Arthur, don’t.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, “When Sarah died, you were already gone. Did you think killing The Shepherd made me feel better? She was all I had. Now,” he frowned at the floor, “you’re all I have.”

He didn’t see her, but he heard her tentatively approach to kneel in front of him. Her hands wrapped around his wrists as he continued covering his face. Tugging slightly, she pulled his hands from his face and leaned close to press her lips to the side of his head. He looked up, still frowning at her.

As much as he wanted to be angry with her, even step away from her, his arms wrapped lightly around her waist. She placed her hands on his neck pressing her forehead to his, “I’m sorry. I’m not...I’m not used to this. To having a home. I want to be here with you. I’m just scared.”

He ran his fingers across her spine, “You don’t need to be scared with me.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Stay here with me.”

She blushed slightly, allowing him to help her to her feet as he stood up, “Here?”

“Yes.” He wasn’t going to say much more than that.

Gently slipping under his sheets, she watched as he removed his jacket and belt. He remained mostly dressed, not wanting to give her the wrong impression, and laid down next to her. He groaned in relief, his back hurting from hunching over paperwork all day.

She was watching him, still looking slightly teary-eyed. It seemed she didn’t want to make any moves until she knew he wouldn’t reject her. Of course he wouldn’t. He watched her eyes widen when he turned over and wrapped her in his arms. He was gripping her a little tighter than he meant to and had his head buried in her hair.

“Arthur?” she whispered, running her hand over his arm soothingly. She could feel how tense he was.

“Just...let me have this.” his voice sounded broken, so she stayed silent. He could hear her soft breathing until she fell asleep. He played with her hair, noticing how long it’d grown since he’d first touched it.

He fell asleep then, not waking up until he felt her begin to squirm in his arms. He blinked, groaning as he lifted his head to see morning light filtering through the curtains. It was still mostly dark in the room, as he’d turned off the light in the middle of the night.

Shiloh twitched again, beginning to whimper. His arms loosened around her as he shook her shoulder lightly until her eyes opened. She was trembling slightly.

“Shiloh,” he said her name until her eyes opened fully and she looked up to him.

“A building fell on me,” he blinked in confusion until she continued, “a few days before the super mutant attacked me. Since then I’ve been dreaming of them. The companions who died with me. It’s like I’m cursed.”

He sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes, “Jesus, Shiloh.”

She sat up with him, hugging her knees, “It was at another super mutant hive. One came at me with a mini nuke in his hands. He’d activated it and was going to take me down with him. I shot it right in his hands and took my chances with the building instead. If I had had someone with me, they would most likely be dead.”

“Because you make reckless decisions,” he didn’t mean it as an insult. It was a fact.

She didn’t seem offended, “I make in-the-moment decisions. Many of them are reckless. It’s been a long time since you were active in the field. Can you say all of your decisions were sound and logical?”

He remembered the deathclaw attack, rubbing at his scar absently. He remembered Danse having to stop him from beating up a teammate who asked him about Shiloh after she died. He remembered beating The Shepherd’s face in. “No, I can’t say that.”

“Try to understand,” she reached over and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers. “I won’t excuse running away. It was wrong and I was a coward. But you’ll never be okay with how I act in the field and I won’t change that. We don’t live in a world where I can do jobs and free slaves without putting myself in danger. And I’d do it again.”

She leaned over, pressing her lips to his scar. He ran his thumb along her hand. It was warm from their shared body heat. “Shiloh, I-”

They both looked up when someone gently knocked on the door, “Sir, you’re needed in the Great Hall.” The voice didn’t sound urgent, as he was a light sleeper and didn’t need a harsh wake up call.

He sighed, calling out an affirmation before standing up to put on his belt. Feeling almost defeated, he let the subject drop, but Shiloh had other plans.

“Arthur,” she called as he picked up his jacket. He looked at her questioningly as he straightened the sleeves to put it on. She was blushing and had a determined look on her face. She rushed forward and hugged him tightly, practically throwing all her weight into it. He was still gripping his jacket as she hugged him and he cleared his throat.

She let go, still blushing as he pulled the clothing item on. She straightened his lapels for him, standing so close he could feel her body heat. More comfortable now, he pulled her into a hug and she sighed happily.

He opened his mouth to speak, just a quick reminder that they would talk later and a promise to see her. But she spoke first.

Right into his neck, too loud to be a whisper: “I love you.”

He froze, taking a moment to let that in before he pulled back and gripped her shoulders lightly, “What?”

Her hair was drifted across her neck, framing her face as her eyes locked on his. Only, he was staring at her lips as she said it again, “I love you, Arthur.”

“You-” he was frustrated with his own inability to form a coherent sentence, “you-”

She nodded, smiling slightly. Another knock at the door, this one more impatient. He was still looking at her. She patted his chest. “Your meeting. Go, go. We’ll talk later.”

He nodded dumbly, still in shock as he left the room to walk with the impatient head scribe. Of course she had to say _that_ right before he had a day of work to do.

Sitting in the Great Hall with a bored expression, he watched the gritty slideshow as the head scribe droned on and on about Brotherhood history that needed to be archived and the locations of some important artifacts. Cade sat next to him, a scribe in nothing but name, but still required to attend these meetings.

He raised an eyebrow when the expression on Maxson’s face shifted to a slight smile. The doctor was whispering something to him, but he wasn’t paying attention. Truthfully, he hadn’t been paying attention to the head scribe repeating himself for a while.

She loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reaching the end! Things are nearly resolved. Fic has been updated as of April 2018.


	24. Ideal

She only left the room once. Knowing she had access, she found the records regarding the Watchers and everything surrounding the case. The text was swift and brutal. She bit her lip as she scrolled through the terminal, focused on every bright green word.

The Brotherhood had poured as many resources as they were able into the investigation. Every interrogation was written out and each Watcher provided testimony. Ultimately, there would never be a clean ending to what happened to Shiloh. As things were in the wasteland.

Dr. Wikhard and Knight Ripson were dead. Executed by firing squad for the charges of terrorism for Wikhard, and treason for Ripson. Shiloh remembered the brief conversation they shared since she discovered his betrayal. All for money. He betrayed the Brotherhood for money. What a waste.

The Children of Atom distanced themselves. Mother Isolde provided little word except that she recognized the might of the Brotherhood and would keep her remaining soldiers at bay as long as the Brotherhood was in the Commonwealth. Nora took over all remaining dealings with the Children. The Watchers were considered pardoned so long as they worked with the scribes under close supervision. They and their families took residence in the Citadel and surrounding Brotherhood footholds.

The Watchers who specifically froze Shiloh and her companions were never found, likely scattered or dead after the sacking of the Institute. Scribe Anderson was somewhere in the Capital Wasteland with her son and husband, apparently mentally broken from being frozen. Shiloh yearned to see her again, to share the pain with someone, but advice from Brotherhood doctors heavily discouraged stressing the woman any further.

A scribe touched Shiloh’s hand, making her jump. She turned to look at the woman’s concerned eyes, “You’re shaking, Sentinel.”

Shiloh blinked at her, taking a deep breath, “I should get some air.”

She left the inner circle, walking up the stairs to the courtyard. She watched, not speaking as hopefuls and Knights trained under the blue sky. It was rare to see the Capital Wasteland looking so bright. It was a good day for traveling, not that she would be doing so. As much as the outside called to her, she wouldn’t leave without speaking to Maxson. Not this time.

She let the warm air calm her before she headed back inside to find something to eat. The food provided by the Brotherhood wasn’t an improvement from what she hunted out on her own, but it was more plentiful than the bare slips of meat that a wild dog could provide.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her head, noting that she should cut it soon so it didn’t get in the way. Finishing her lunch, she toured around the inner circles. She found the Lion’s Den and approached slowly, feeling solemn in the area Sarah and her closest companions used to live. Nobody was around, so she approached Sarah’s room slowly. The room was cold and dusty, unused and untouched. Maxson probably couldn’t bring himself to enter this place. Shiloh sat on the bed, breathing heavily.

She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. She felt stupid. Sarah was dead. Speaking out loud to a ghost wouldn’t do anything but upset her. She peered at the bookshelf by Sarah’s bed, taking a copy of poems, written hundreds of years ago by a Robert Frost. Sarah liked books, though she didn’t have time to read often. She wasn’t particularly fond of poetry, too fluffy for her, but books were so rare in this world that she kept the ones she could wrangle away from the scribes close.

Now...the book stood unread in the quiet room. Gently, Shiloh removed it from the shelf and left. Another time she would come here and mourn. For today, she needed to relax. She didn’t have the energy to reminisce after reading about what happened with Ripson and the Watchers.

Not even bothering to blush, she headed straight for Maxson’s room. He was still swamped in meetings and would be for some time, so she would have to occupy her time. The guards didn’t even raise an eyebrow when she returned to the room she’d left unlocked. Back inside, she pulled off the cover blanket from the bed and wrapped herself in it. She sat at the desk with the book and let the light filter in from the partially opened curtains.

Instead of diving into the book immediately, she grabbed some spare paper and a pencil and began writing down her to-do list. She still had a few errands to run for Moira, was long overdue with a visit to Rivet City, needed to find a way to turn her home in Megaton into a temporary housing for freed slaves, and she needed to get started on the other slaver locations she was given. If she was to begin avoiding super mutant hives, she would have to find easier ways around until the Brotherhood eradicated them.

She listed out her plans in scratchy handwriting, making little maps and notes here and there. She wasn’t a fan of her own handwriting and didn’t write much, but it was nice to have a bit of an outlet. She left the paper on the desk as she picked up the book and opened it. She curled up more under the blanket, even though it wasn’t cold in the room. It smelled like Maxson and the thought comforted her.

There were many things you could say about Shiloh. That she was impulsive was a true one of them. She didn’t plan on blurting out her feelings, but as soon as the words were out, it was like a weight was lifted. Even if he didn’t feel the same, or if he didn’t want a relationship with her, she could handle it. It was easier to face her feelings at this point. Time was too precious. She learned that the hard way. She was so apprehensive at first, but once it was out, it felt so good she couldn’t help but smile even when Maxson look shocked.

As she flipped through the poems, she did wonder how Maxson would react. He didn’t seem repulsed by the news, though he was at a loss for words. She got a bit of a kick out of shocking him. The clock in the room said it was getting later in the afternoon, though it was still bright and clear outside.

She closely observed the poetry, not fully able to comprehend some of the things mentioned. Robert Frost wrote of sleds and horses and lush, green forests covered in snow. He wrote of winter often. Seasons didn’t exist after the apocalypse. It just got slightly warmer and slightly colder. She’d never seen snow. Shiloh wondered if Robert Frost’s world was as beautiful as he wrote or if it had ugly sides as well. She wondered if he would write beautiful poetry about the wastes if he lived in them.

She almost jumped from her seat when there was a quick knock at the door. She lost track of time as she read and dove deep into her own thoughts on a world that hadn’t existed for hundreds of years. Looking up, she watched as Maxson entered the room, looking exhausted. He shrugged off his jacket and rolled his shoulders before sitting on the bed and quietly looking at her. She hadn’t moved from her position on the chair as he watched her.

His face lit up in curiosity when he saw the book in her hands. She obliged him, “It’s a book of Robert Frost poems. It was Sarah’s.” If he wondered how she got it, he didn’t ask.

“Do you like it?”

Shiloh stood from her chair, dragging the blanket with her to sit beside him on the bed. Tentatively, she wrapped the extra fabric around his shoulders so they were sharing. She then opened the book to where she left off, “It’s strange. He couldn’t have known, but when writing about it, he said he would prefer the world end in fire over ice. In a way, the world did end in fire.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, though he wasn’t looking at her, “The world didn’t end. We are proof of that.”

Shiloh smiled, looking at him then the book again, “ _I turned to speak to God, About the world's despair, But to make bad matters worse, I found God wasn't there._ ”

“Cheerful.”

She laughed, sitting closer to him, “Even he had his dark moments. How were the meetings?”

He frowned deeply, “Repetitive. I don’t need to be there but the codex requires me to attend all meetings in the Great Hall.”

She turned, running a hand over his back, “You need a vacation.”

He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, “Yeah I don’t think that word is in the western elders’ vocabulary.”

“We’ll just run away, then. I’ll protect you,” she was grinning now, trying to get him to smile.

He didn’t smile, but he did gently tug her until she was placed comfortably in his lap. Almost instinctively, she nuzzled into his neck. He ran his hands down her arms lightly as she giggled, “Hey, hey…” he prompted until she calmed down and pulled back to look at him. He was giving her a serious look and she almost shied away, “Shiloh, I think we should talk.”

She didn’t want to be too apprehensive, but she squirmed uncomfortably, “Yeah, we should.”

He took a deep breath, tense with discomfort and she could tell how hard this was for him. But this was something he needed to do. She couldn't run away or speak over him now. She couldn’t do this for him. She listened closely, but placed her hands on his jaw to try to encourage him. He paused for a long moment before beginning, “You...understand what is expected of someone in my position. I know that you’re different. This isn’t perfectly ideal for either of us. However, I find that I would rather have you than something ideal. I would rather have you than something easy or comfortable. You’re complicated, but you’re part of me. Whether you want that or not is your choice. I can only offer what I am, with all those expectations.”

Instead of replying immediately, she smiled and looked into his eyes, so gentle and blue despite his harsh exterior, “I want that. You’re my home, Arthur.”

He sighed when she pulled him into a kiss, “Do you understand, though? Do you understand what it is you’re agreeing to?”

“Yes, God, yes. I love you, I love you, I love you,” she continued her mantra as she kissed him. His grip grew tighter on her as they became more feverish and desperate to undress each other.

“You’re mine,” he breathed into her neck as he tugged at her shirt until she pulled it off.

“I’m yours,” she whispered as she did the same to his shirt. With time finally on their side, she took the time to appreciate his chest. Wanting to taste his skin, she ran her lips along his collarbone and ran her fingers through his chest hair. The Brotherhood training was good to him and she couldn’t even think about his chest and abs without her mouth watering. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she allowed it as he stood with her in his arms and he set her down further up on the bed. He laid beside her as he helped her out of her pants. She kissed him again as her fingers fumbled with the zipper of his pants. He kicked them off as she pulled him flush against her. It felt good to be skin to skin with him. It felt good to be so open and honest with him. She combed her fingers through his beard, “Arthur?”

“Mmm, yes?” he spoke as he kissed her neck and made shivers run down her spine.

“I want you to fuck me,” she whispered. When he gave her a similar look to when she’d said she loved him for the first time, she continued, “I want you to be inside me.”

“Sentinel, I-”

“Arthur,” she said with a firm tone, “I want you. And all the baggage and expectations and stress that comes with you.”

He nodded wordlessly, looking determined. Still, he was nervous and she could tell. She took pity on him and kissed him sweetly. He looked more relaxed, but was still tense. Sitting up, she unhooked her bra and he gently touched her breasts as she slipped her underwear down her legs. Getting comfortable, she pushed him back against the bed and climbed on top of him. He raised an eyebrow in question at her, but she ran a hand down his chest as she straddled him.

She could see him swallow thickly as she pulled him free from his underwear and pumped him. He bit his lip at her ministrations, a sight that aroused her more. After getting his underwear off, she took the time to admire his fully naked form. She leaned down and kissed him as she continued touching him. He cupped her face in his hands, looking grateful that she was taking initiative.

“I’m never letting you leave my sight again.”

She smiled, “You’ll have to, but I’ll always come back to you.” She positioned above him as he ran his hands down her back and across her waist. He kissed her deeply as she sat down, pushing him into her. His grip on her tightened and she placed her hands on his shoulders, “Relax, love.”

She leaned back, moaning when he was fully sheathed in her. She tightened her fists on his abs, letting her body get used to the feeling of being full. He fisted the covers with one hand and threw the other arm across his eyes when she began testing the movement. One thrust had her limbs shaking and her breath shortening.

A sense of protectiveness must have overcome him, because he suddenly sat up and held her close, flipping their positions without slipping out of her. She gasped in surprise, clinging to him. He pressed her into the mattress, gently kissing her breasts and neck. He reached up and laced their fingers together, gripping her leg with the other hand to give him better leverage. He then spoke the words that made her heart sing, “I love you.”

Before she could respond to that, he pulled out and thrust into her. She could feel every muscle in his body and all the strength he had and the pleasure was indescribable. She tightened immediately when he thrust again and she couldn’t be bothered to hide her moans. He moved experimentally, watching her reaction to each kind of thrust. She squirmed for more friction and he gripped her legs and thrust harder into her. The slapping noise their bodies made was almost lewd, but she didn’t care.

Her body was flushed with heat and desire and he began to sweat with the effort. She cried out, coming hard and quick from not being used to the sensations. But he didn’t stop. She wondered if he was a talker in bed, but he seemed to be more focused on lasting rather than teasing her. She nodded as he pressed his body closer to hers and her nails dug into his back when he thrusted faster until he was pounding her with all his strength. She couldn’t bite back her moans and she was practically shrieking his name as she came again.

Her back arched and she tightened so much on him that it ached her muscles and she could feel him begin to stutter in his rhythm. He moved his hands to grip the covers, slowing down but keeping the roughness. She could feel the muscles in his legs tighten. “Come inside me,” she whispered in his ear and he had no time to argue as her legs tightened around his waist just as he came.

He groaned into her neck, their bodies slick with sweat. She moaned as well, despite herself. It was a foreign feeling, him coming inside her, but it was absurdly intimate. He was panting into her neck and she was trying to catch her breath when she asked, “Do you?”

“Hmm?”

“You said you loved me. Do you?”

He didn’t lift his head from her neck, but she could feel him nod, “For so long.”

It took a moment, but he gained the strength to roll over onto his back. She pulled the comforter up and over them. He let the blanket drift across his waist as the sweat on his chest dried. He stared at the ceiling as she looked at him with her head propped on her hand. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. He didn’t look away from the ceiling, but he reached to grab her hand in his and she smiled.

She pressed her face to his shoulder, content to just lay with him and enjoy the rest of the evening. It was like he said. It wouldn’t be easy, it wouldn’t be perfect. They both knew she wasn’t the ideal woman for his position. But she was ideal for Arthur. And he was ideal for her. And that’s all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the Epilogue. Fic has been updated as of April 2018.


	25. Epilogue

MacCready grinned as he downed his glass of whiskey, “I heard you became associated with a Brotherhood soldier, but I didn’t think it was _the_ Brotherhood soldier.” He was dressed in his guard armor, looking a little drowned in the heavy material on his lanky frame.

Shiloh reddened at the former mercenary’s smirk, playing with Duncan’s soft blonde hair as the little boy in her lap played with the Nuka Cola truck she’d brought him, “Yeah it...just kind of happened.”

They were sitting on the flight deck in two ratty chairs. It wasn’t necessarily allowed, but MacCready’s shooting skills were so coveted he basically had full run of Rivet City. The sun was shining, but it wasn’t hot and the setting felt like a picnic with whiskey. Duncan was hyper-focused on the toy, making it fly in the air like a rocket.

MacCready smiled lovingly at his son before returning that shit-eating grin to Shiloh, “Lots of things _just happen_ in this world. Still didn’t think becoming First Lady of the Brotherhood was one of them.”

Shiloh glowered, still blushing red, “I hate you.”

“We’re the best of friends.” He set down his whiskey glass to retrieve some juice for Duncan. The little boy scrambled out of Shiloh’s lap for it then continued with his toy car on the floor, rolling it across the metal surface.

“I’m glad you’re back with him,” Shiloh sighed happily while watching Duncan play.

“If you hurry up, you can give him grumpy little friends to play with.”

She groaned, “You’re actually torturing me.”

“What, you haven’t talked about it with him?”

“It’s-” she stuttered, “It’s new, you dork. The idea is not to scare him away.”

“I’d be more concerned about you running away.”

“Hey, I’ve gotten better. I put in formal paperwork for my missions and everything.”

He laughed, “I’m surprised they don’t try to chain you to the Citadel.”

“I’d like to see them try,” she sobered a little, “There are still too many slavers in the Capital Wasteland.”

“Well,” MacCready lit a cigarette, “You’ve certainly done a number on them. Let me know if you ever want some back up. I’m sure the boss wouldn’t mind so long as I’m helping you.”

“Will do,” they turned their attention to where Harkness was heading towards them. “Speaking of boss, my escort’s here. You two stay out of trouble.” She ruffled MacCready’s hat, making the man pout.

He put out his cigarette to beckon Duncan over and tie the boy’s shoes. “Yeah, see ya neighbor.”

Harkness smiled gently at her as they left the flight deck. He looked older and more tired. The years had relaxed him somehow. He was less tense than before, but still had stress lines on his face. Nobody paid them mind as they headed down the hallway to the marketplace.

The thing she’d loved about him so many years ago is that he just _got it_. He didn’t need explanations and long emotional conversations. He got her and he got how the world worked. She’d take the secret that he was a synth to the grave with her, knowing it would devastate him. And he’d never know that she was the only thing between him and a life of servitude with the Institute. So when she’d met up with him again, there weren’t talks and she didn’t need to explain.

He’d simply bought her a drink and welcomed her back to Rivet City.

They hadn’t talked about Maxson, though she knew he knew. Everyone did, as word travels fast in the Capital Wasteland. Maxson for his part had expressed barely-hidden jealousy at her visit to Rivet City, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

They walked through the marketplace as she did a final supply run. Brotherhood representatives stood in a corner in their power armor looking for recruits and they saluted her as she passed by. The marketplace was livelier than she’d ever seen it, but she didn’t miss the barber shop built near the bar, nor did she miss the leather-jacketed greasers hanging out near it. Butch had achieved what he’d set out to do when he left her; he started a gang and became a barber in Rivet City. It had stirred an old bitterness in her, and their reunion had been tense, but Butch was Butch and tried to play off the stress with sarcasm as always. He’d changed little in the years she was gone, settling with a wife and kids surrounded by the now-famous Tunnel Snakes who caused little trouble save for the occasional bar fight. In truth she was happy for him. He was her only companion who made it out alive and only did so because he left her of his own volition. The wasteland wasn’t for him, but Rivet City was.

She didn’t have much of a conversation with Butch either, and the reunion hadn’t been warm. It was like a meeting between strangers. He’d aged in their time apart and there was little room in his life for her. She couldn’t find it in her to want to be a part of his life either.

The Tunnel Snakes hovered around the shop, not paying attention to her. Harkness finished speaking with his subordinate and met up with her again to lead her out of the marketplace. She grinned at her ex-lover and old friend. He was always so firm and serious, a trait Danse shared and likely how they were programmed as synths, but the softness in his eyes when he saw her was distinctly human.

She knew, in her heart, that he regretted their parting. That he wanted to finish what they started, even if she was still the same age and he was in his forties. But despite the fondness she had for him, she couldn’t do it. Her heart was somewhere else, now. He patted her arm softly before she crossed the bridge to the mainland, and she placed a hand on his gently with a smile. He wasn’t much for public affection and she knew hugging him would embarrass him, so she kept to herself beyond the touch on her arm.

“I’ll be here.”

“I’ll visit again,” he nodded at her words and returned to his office inside the old battleship as Shiloh made her way back to the Citadel.

During her walk from Rivet City, she could see the Prydwen tethered to the Citadel. It hovered intimidatingly, though empty save for the lookouts. Liberty Prime was stomping near the bay, on constant patrolling duty. The guards at the gate saluted her as she passed, crossing through the tunnel to the courtyard. She entered the lab first, dropping off supplies in the workshop and armory. They would come in handy later when she needed to repair her equipment. She next headed downstairs to the mess hall and stocked the shelves with purified water. Back outside, she finished her drop-off by heading towards the new building where Maxson’s room was. And she supposed her room, considering she barely touched her own living space. Untying and ruffling her hair, she once again vowed to cut it before unlatching her armor. She only wore the heavy armor Nora gave her on tough missions, opting for a leather set she made herself otherwise. Now in only a worn, beige shirt and pants, she moved to the private bathroom to shower. It was her new favorite place. An actual shower with actual privacy. She didn’t think such things existed anymore.

She scrubbed off the journey’s dirt from her skin and rung out her hair once she was done. Back in a towel and fresher, previously washed clothing, she sat at Maxson’s desk and resumed the reading she’d been doing on her downtime. Maxson was out on a mission for the time being and wouldn’t be home for a few hours.

-0-

She woke up with her face against the desk’s surface, having effectively passed out while reading. Groaning, she rubbed her face and sore neck before putting the book away. She peeked out the curtains and saw it was now dark outside, the courtyard only lit by stadium lighting Sarah had commissioned when she’d taken over. Distantly, she heard Liberty Prime’s stomping.

The door unlocked with a click and Maxson entered the room, dressed in the fatigues Brotherhood soldiers wore under their power armor, his officer black. He’d left his jacket in the room, knowing he would spend most of the mission in power armor anyways. He gazed at her curiously, watching her rub her neck.

Approaching her and setting down his bag, he turned to pull her hair away and place a hand at the back of her neck. It was enough pressure to relieve the tension and she grinned, “How was the mission?”

“Everything went according to plan.”

“Super mutants are predictable, to their detriment. All they have is size on their side.”

“Which we can match with the power armor. We’ve purged at least half of the Capital Wasteland so far. The next focus is on the National Mall, where they’re hiding in pockets and affecting our monument operations. Underworld won’t be pleased with the nearby presence.”

“I’m sure I can give them a visit to relieve some tension.”

He nodded, releasing her neck, “It’s something to consider. Did your visit go well?”

She sighed, standing from the desk and turning to him, “It was alright. So much of Rivet City has changed. MacCready offered to assist me with some slaver takedowns. I think he’s tired of being cooped up, as big as the aircraft carrier is. His son is beautiful,” she sighed again, but happily. Duncan really was such a sweet little boy, a contrast to how MacCready was as a child. Certainly he got it from Lucy. Maxson reached out and placed a hand on her face, running his thumb down her cheek tenderly. He saw the softness in her eyes when she spoke of Duncan, but left the conversation of children unspoken. Everything was so new and fragile, even after a few months. She swallowed a little nervously, though she knew what he was thinking.

“What about the others?”

She frowned, “Butch looked at me like I was a stranger.”

“It’s been nine, almost ten years. You essentially are.”

“I suppose. We were together for years, having someone you used to love look at you like that is hard,” despite his clear jealousy, Maxon knew how it hurt her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She ran her hands across his chest, playing with the straps and buckles, “Harkness was kind, though, which I suppose is what mattered. He could have just as easily rejected me, but he welcomed me back. He’s a good man.”

“I know he is,” she felt his grip tighten slightly, “it’s nothing personal.”

She smiled, leaning closer, “You know I love you, don’t you?”

He reddened slightly, still not used to the words, “Of course.”

She kissed him lightly, “Get showered, I’m heading to bed before I fall asleep on the desk again.”

He headed into the bathroom and she watched him begin to unfasten his fatigures before she slipped into the bed. Not quite ready for sleep, she removed her pants and grabbed her notebook. She was still studying her super mutant notes when Maxson emerged from the bathroom in only a shirt and underwear. With a lock on his door, he tended to wear less than usual to bed. His hair was loose from the water and longer than usual, but his beard was trimmed.

He sat next to her on the bed, eyes downward and brows furrowed. He seemed to be preparing his words mentally. She raised an eyebrow at him, setting down her notebook, “What is it, Arthur?”

“You’ve...you’ve been a great asset to the Brotherhood. Not only in your work but also your efforts in getting outsiders to trust us again. Despite your reservations, you’ve more than proven your dedication to us. To me. And in response I’ve made a decision.” She still looked at him with wide eyes, not daring to say a word. “Therefore,” he cleared his throat, “I’m going to release Madison Li from the Brotherhood and replace her with the head Watcher scientist who surrendered. Under condition of silence, which she has agreed to, she may continue her life wherever she wishes.”

Shiloh held her breath, trying to will away the tears in her eyes but even with Maxson’s discomfort she couldn’t control her emotions, “Really?”

“Yes.”

She quickly gripped his hand, urging him to look her in the eyes, “Really, Arthur?”

He nodded, “Yes, really.”

She practically threw herself into his arms, kissing him feverishly as she adjusted her position to straddling his lap. She ran her fingers through his hair and his response was immediate. He gripped her hips as she deepened the kiss. Breaking for air but not moving back, she whispered over and over, “I love you, I love you.”

“I’ll never get used to that,” he uncomfortably joked, but she smiled anyways.

She sniffled, trying to calm herself down before she proceeded. He stroked her hair as she pressed her face into his neck, feeling his beard against her skin. Once calm, she leaned up and kissed his jaw before moving to tug off her shirt. As she was wearing nothing underneath, she saw his pupils dilate despite the dim lighting of the room.

Pawing at him, she got his shirt off as well and adjusted her posture to let him pull down her underwear before removing his own. She straddled his lap again and gently pumped him while he groaned into her neck and gripped her ass. Pulling her closer, she could tell he was impatient to be inside her, as he always was. He kissed her neck, causing shivers to run down her spine and she giggled lightly.

She pushed up on her knees and sunk onto him slowly until she was full and shuddering. His grip on her hips was bruising, but the pressure only heightened her pleasure. He ran his fingers up across her ribs until he was cupping her breasts, thumbs on her nipples. She bit her lip, moaning quietly in the silent room. He kissed her again, running his tongue along her lip and she bit his lower lip. He groaned again, knowing it was time to stop teasing.

Hands back on her hips, he used the leverage to lift her slightly as he pumped shallowly. Her thighs quivered from the friction and the angle. He was hitting her so deep that she had to keep from gasping at each thrust. She began to meet his thrusts, craving the pleasure as he sped up.

She threw her head back, feeling the ends of her hair against her shoulder blades and spine. He began to kiss and lick at her collarbone as he thrust into her with more power than speed, slowing down to reach as deep as he could. Though he was trying to keep quiet, he began to groan into her skin as she gripped him with every muscle she had. With a shriek, she came, soaking him until he could feel it on his pelvis.

The sight plus the pressure of her squeezing his cock caused him to tighten his jaw as he came inside her. She kissed his neck and nuzzled against him as he finished with a few shallow thrusts, “Arthur, Arthur,” she whispered, lost in a daze.

After a moment of silence, she lifted off him. The feeling of his come running out of her and down her thigh filled her with a primal pleasure and she could see the sight woke something similar in him.

After a quick clean-up, she walked out of the bathroom and slipped into the bed beside him. He was back against the pillow, still naked and panting. She leaned against his shoulder, winding her fingers in his as her free hand played with his chest hair. He was staring at the ceiling, but she wasn’t worried. When he was in deep thought, he liked to stare off into the distance. Blinking, he reached over and played with her hair as she purred in delight. He turned from the ceiling to her, “You were gone for nine years. If it kills me, I’ll never let you leave again.”

She gripped his hand, “Don’t say that, Arthur.”

“I’ll continue to say it. I’ll say it again and again.”

She kissed him, whispering in the dim lighting, “I’ll never leave you.”

He watched her intensely with those piercing blue eyes, “I love you.” She blushed slightly, unable to help the smile on her face. He said it so rarely that each time was coveted by her like it was precious.

For so long after waking up in the facility, she woke up cold and felt the ice like it was in her bones. Like the hottest of showers couldn’t warm her insides. But Maxson’s body warmth melted the ice in her veins like he melted away the bitterness and resentment in her heart. They were good together, they were happy together, and despite their different methods, they were dedicated to improving their world.

It was the kind of partnership that improved factions. It was the kind of friendship that improved people. It was the kind of love that improved the wasteland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everybody for all the support you’ve given me and this story. I encourage you to keep commenting to let me know your thoughts and feelings. Additionally you can always talk to me on my tumblr: vvheelthewriter. There are more Lone Wanderer and Maxson/LW fics in my inventory if you’d like to check them out.


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